Double Names

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

When I was born mid-century, now an antique, double names were in vogue – Debbie Sue or Barbara Ann.  I was named after my grandmother, Mary, and there was a great, great grandmother who was named Mary Ann. I did not have a middle name.  However, the entire world for my entire life has tried to make me a Mary and Ann as my middle name.  I have never felt like a Mary.  I am Mary Ann.

For the most part I could correct my name by raising my hand or changing my name on the back of a document sent to me – you know, put corrections on the back. I tried using my maiden name as a middle name and the Ann was still dropped.  

I lived like this for most of my life until Social Security suddenly began to call me Mary.  For years, they used Mary Ann.  I guess with a new computer system or whatever, they dropped the Ann.   It is interesting to be in a Social Security office and have they tell you your name is Mary and you tell them no, it is not.  Sorry, that is how your state has registered your birth so we must use that. Oh, NO!!

Social Security then sent me to the courts to change my name.  The judge looked at my birth certificate and said you can’t change your name to your name.  Then he sent me on my way.  This was a bit frustrating.  I went to see my Congressional Representative.  Of course, I didn’t see him, but I got a staffer who was most helpful.   They told me to bring my parents to the local office, and they could verify what my name was.  My ninety-year-old parents went with me to the office.  They told the staff that I was a Mary Ann with no middle name.  The paperwork was completed, and my name was submitted as MaryAnn, no space.  A month or so later, I received a new birth certificate.  I then submitted it to Social Security, and they finally accepted it using my correct name. 

Thankfully, my parents were alive to help me correct my name.  I am not sure what I would have had to do if they were not.  I guess I would have had to hire a lawyer and go back to court.  For the most part, things have been better now since I have done the change.  When I get mail now, those who address me as Mary do not know me, and I pay no attention to the correspondence.  

Naming your child is one of the biggest responsibilities a parent has.  There are so many things to consider.  Does the name have more than one spelling?  Is it easy to pronounce?    Do the initials spell something weird?  Are you going to give an extremely long name to your child?  Think of a first grader learning to spell his or her name. It will take them forever to do this.  Sometimes a baby name doesn’t age well, and conversely, an adult name can be a heavy thing for little shoulders to carry.  Be mindful if you give a double name to your child.  Make it one word if you can such as Annamarie or Marianne. You can also add a hyphen – this is called a double barrel name and is common in many countries such as the UK.  Just know if you don’t, you are giving your child a lifetime of hoops to jump through.  I am living proof!

Some countries in the world actually have restrictions on naming children.  However, the United States is known as the naming wild west – anything goes. Elon Musk has used digits to name one of his children – XAEA-12.   According to the Social Security records, Olivia and Liam are the top USA names for this past year – easy in every way! 

I have just purchased my headstone, and I made sure that my name was correctly spelled as I want it.  I don’t want to go into eternity with the wrong name planted above me!  It has been a bit of hell on earth for me fighting constantly to correct my name.  I would like to rest in peace!!

Gazpacho

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

My first encounter with cold soup was the tomato concoction that originated in Andalusia, Spain known as gazpacho. Traditionally, as I understand it, gazpacho comprises tomatoes, bell peppers, onion, cucumber, and bread with a vinegar and oil, all blended together. Made this way, gazpacho can be eaten with a spoon or enjoyed as a smoothie-type drink.

The recipes in many of my cookbooks, however, do not blend the ingredients, rather they leave small chunks of the summer vegetables giving the soup “tooth.” This way is my preference – I want something to chew!

My brother would tease me saying, “I ordered gazpacho at a restaurant once, but it was cold when the server brought it.” ha ha.

Over the years I have delighted in making fresh gazpacho and keeping it in the refrigerator for several days. When working in the yard or just coming home from a day out in the heat, there is nothing as refreshing as a bowl full of cold veggies. And with all the yummy ingredients I can get my daily dose of vegetables in one bowl.

While I have always told my granddaughter that a recipe is a suggestion, I have always combined and followed recipes from three cookbooks to make mine. I had not been very adventurous beyond the basic ingredients. This year I thought I was very clever.

This gazpacho has tomatoes, celery, onion, garlic, parsley, red wine vinegar, olive oil, vegetable juice and a touch a cayenne. I added sweet and crunchy watermelon radishes and some chickpeas for protein. I was out of cucumbers, which usually find their way into the soup. Avocado chunks are used as garnish to complete the meal. Bread has never been in my summer soup of choice.

Being very proud of myself, I looked on-line to see what the professionals are doing with gazpacho. Authentic recipes abound yet a wealth of “best” and “most refreshing” gazpachos yielded soups that veered from the traditional.  Some people have added hot sauce, zucchini, various herbs, and even watermelon! I guess I’m not so smart after all.

However you decided to make it, fresh summer vegetables offer the most delicious concoction to cool your palate and soothe your soul when temperatures soar. Made ahead, you don’t even have to cook when you come in. And that’s another bonus!

July 4th Picnic

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

When my father was alive, he would attend a local monthly WWII Veteran’s luncheon, so one year I was home visiting him for the 4th of July, and he asked me to go with him to the picnic.  Despite being in his 90s, he could walk so I just think he wanted company because he didn’t need help to get there.  

The picnic was at the local firehall, and there were about 50 people attending.  For once, I was one of the youngest women there. That doesn’t happen very often anymore.  The men were all greeting each other, and I was getting introduced to everyone. Maybe my father was showing me off a bit.  Even though they were older gentlemen, they could still flirt with a knowing wink or mischievous smile.  I was having a good time.

With each hello, I would ask what their role was during The War – there was only one war, WWII, for this group. They would share that they were on the beaches of Normandy or they freed a concentration camp or fought with the Marines on Iwo Jima.  I was talking to living history. The gentleman across from me at the table told me every few minutes about D-Day, and I listened patiently because it was important to him, and it was a memory he still had.  

Most of these men didn’t talk about The War when they came home, and the stories remained deep in their souls.  They had a lot of lost time to make up for and didn’t need to dwell on the tough times in their lives. However, as they got older, the stories seemed to rise to the surface.  At least, it did with my father.   His memories, his stories are precious to me now.

Well, after the social “hour,” it was time to eat.  We filled our plates with hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and baked beans – typical fare at a picnic.  Everyone was seated and grace was given, and birthdays were acknowledged with several of the men reaching milestones in the 100s. With each month’s meeting, fewer men were in attendance – The Greatest Generation was rapidly disappearing. 

 After the birthday wishes were extended, we all stood for the Pledge of Allegiance.  Old men in walkers who could barely stand did their best to rise for the Pledge.  They all did and loudly began “I Pledge Allegiance to The United States of America….”  I became so overwhelmed with emotion that I began to cry.  (Tears still fill my eyes as I write this.)  I was free because all these men had sacrificed their youth with their bodies, minds, and souls.  At that moment, I understood the meaning of the Pledge and why they fought for liberty and democracy. 

In this very divided time in our country’s history, I don’t think those men were thinking along party lines or if they were from a blue or red state as they stormed the beaches of Normandy.  They knew their purpose to fight for freedom and against tyranny. I will always be thankful for that day and the treasured gift those men gave me.  That may have been my father’s purpose in including me that day.  Daddy was always so wise, and there was a lesson to be learned that day.   

Wild Dark Shores

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann

I just finished Charlotte McConaghy’s new book, Wild Dark Shores.  I couldn’t put it down.  In fact, I finished the book in two days.  You could read it all in one day.  McConaghy is an extraordinary writer giving the reader rich storylines with complex characters, settings that are in remote places, and lots of twists. She combines all of this with strong themes about nature and environmental issues – often a wake-up call about our planet. 

Shearwater, a remote island near Antarctica, is home to widower, Dominic Salt, and his three children, Raff, Fen, and Orley.  Dominic is the caregiver to the world’s seed bank. His job is to protect the seeds that may be needed in the future to feed the world. The island and the seed bank are under pressure with rising sea waters.  The island also is home to a research center for scientist to study plants, animal, weather, climate change, and the like.  Scientist come and go a few times a year. 

The family lives in an old light house atop of the island.  Have you ever noticed how people who live in light houses are a little off?  There are many books and movies that depict this.  The Shearwater lighthouse is no exception.  It seems to be haunted.  Is it real or imagined?

The weather is unpredictable, the seas are rough and rising, and the island is constantly under attack from the elements.  During one storm – yes, a dark and stormy night, a woman  washes ashore.  The family saves Rowan, the mysterious woman, and while she heals, Rowan bonds with the island and the Salts.  They are all awaiting the Navy ship to take them away from their home of eight years, for Rowan to return to her life, and rescue the seeds. The story unfolds during the days of preparations.

Charlotte McConaghy moves the story forward through the perspective of the various characters. They all have backstories that you will discover, and as in all McConaghy’s books, there will be many plot twists and surprises.  That is why it is hard to put her books down.  By the end of the story, you know all the characters well and will miss them.  I have loved all McConaghy’s writing and particularity her use of nature themes.  Her books are food for thought on many levels.  Wild Dark Shores is a worthwhile read that will haunt you long after you finish reading. 

New York, New York – Part 1

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

I had the privilege of working in New York City for the last 11 years of my career.   It was an unexpected gift in this twilight time of life.   However, coming from Columbia, SC to the Big Apple was a 180-degree change and the learning curve was straight up.   I would like to share some of my adventures working in fascinating New York City.  Maybe I should have called this blog – Sixty in the City.  It was definitely not Sex in the City.

Besides the high energy of the Big Apple, there are funny little things that seem to only happen there.  I came to work one day and noticed a big, inflated mouse in front of a neighboring building. I went into school and asked why the big mouse was outside.  I wondered if an exterminator was advertising their company.  At that moment, everyone broke out laughing.  The mouse was really a rat, and it was to let everyone know that the landlord of a particular building was a bad guy, a rat!  Well, I must say that is a clever way to let the world know.  Often you will find a rat in a pickup truck parked in front of the offending property for a quick getaway.  That way a rat can show up at any time anywhere.  There are a lot of rats in NYC both fugitively and literally!   

When someone climbs a mountain, a flag is often left to say that the person was there.  In New York City, a flag is raised on the top of a building when the construction crew has reached the summit of the structure.  It proclaims they have reached the top and are not going any further with construction.  The skyscrapers are the city’s mountains.  The construction crews are the mountain climbers. The flag says it all.

I lived in Jersey City and came to work on the PATH each day.  The PATH is a subway train that goes under the Hudson River delivering people at various stops as it goes north in Manhattan.  At times riding the PATH can be like riding a Disney World ride as it flew under the river.  You had to hang on.  Most of the time, we were packed in the cars, so you swayed as a group.  I did notice that each Christmas there was a little lighted Christmas tree about halfway between Jersey City and New York City.  People are so into their own worlds scrolling on their phones or reading or listening to music that I wondered if anyone even noticed.  I imagined some big, burly PATH worker putting up the little tree with twinkling white lights trying to spread a little Christmas cheer.  Maybe no one else noticed it, but I did.  For the month of December, it brought a little joy on my way to work and home again.  Thank you, Mr. Burly PATH Guy! 

New York is a city full of scaffolding.  Building were always getting repairs or whatever. I wished I owned the scaffolding company – big bucks!   There are cranes everywhere.  The skyline looks like a zoo of bobbing birds perched atop of the skyscrapers.  Things going up and down constantly on the cranes.  There are roads that seem to be never done.  I guess you notice it more because everything is concentrated in a small area.  

Yet all this concrete and steel is balanced out with flower stalls on most corners, fruit stands in the warmer months, and little patches of green tucked away throughout the city. There is a surprise around every corner.  You must seek and find the beauty.  I hope to share more of NYC with you in future blogs.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

One of my favorite people is a vivacious friend who is always upbeat. She sets the bar for checking in with her friends. She is one of the few people who continued to foster our friendship during the six years I was sequestered, taking care of my mother. Karen called at least once every week.  The call may not have been more than a few minutes. Still, it was enough to let me know she was thinking of me and wishing me well.

Admittedly, I was not as good in the past. While friends and family were always in my heart and thoughts, I did not take the time to let them know. Several years ago, however, I resolved to do so. Even as a professional, I took time to write short notes to people. Handwritten notes are so rare these days that upon receiving one a person knows s/he is important. My staff appreciated the time I took, but more importantly that I noticed something they did.

Another friend sends greeting cards through the US Postal Service.  I would receive a card for every occasion, with a simple signature, “Love, Shelley.” My mother also liked to send greeting cards to family and friends. While the effort became too much for her, I would address the envelopes, write a sentiment if she wanted, and let her sign. This small act gave her joy and let her friends know she still thought fondly of them.

Written notes, while appreciated, are not required. Social media has given us the opportunity to reach out to friends and family in multiple ways. Posting on Facebook, Instagram, or X (formerly known as Twitter) is a quick and easy way to let others know what you have been doing. An email or text message is more personal as it is directed at specific people, so you can interact with others.

The importance of contact, no matter how short, cannot be denied. One never knows what kind of day your friend or family member is having. At times a brief hello can become the most valued event of a person’s day.

Of course, staying in touch takes time. Try scheduling fifteen or twenty minutes a day specifically for contacting someone you care about. A quick text message saying “how are you today?” or just a GIF or emoji could mean the world to someone.  A “hello – thinking of you” with a heart icon tells someone you care.

More mature (translate, older) people enjoy a good old-fashioned telephone call. And while cellular service end-to-end is not as clear as traditional telephone lines, a quick call can still lift spirits and put a smile on the recipient’s face – and yours.

Think about someone you care for and then reach out to them, today. The time it takes is nothing compared to the breath of fresh air you will feel.

Pinball Wizard

by sssmahh303, posted in Wellness

Mary Ann

Have you ever walked into a room to do something and when you begin working on whatever it is, you see something else that needs to be done?  You stop what you are doing and begin working on that. You again see something else that needs fixing, and you stop that and go to the new project.  I do this all the time and started to call it binging.  I am kind of a pinball bouncing from task to task.  I find it relaxing, and at the end of the morning everything is all done. 

I guess it is a type of ADHD or maybe I am just a super multi-tasker.  I have asked other friends if they do this – binging!  Some do and some do not.  It may have to do with our thinking styles.  People are either global thinkers who see the big picture and the interconnectedness, or they are analytical thinker who break down information to smaller bits for understanding. Global thinkers see everything from many directions. Where analytical thinkers are sequential.  There is no right or wrong.  It is your style.  Guess what?  I am a global thinker.  I see the whole shebang, and I want to get it all done at once.  

For me, this is not just an indoor exercise.  When I am gardening, I am all over the yard, binging my heart out. I am planting flowers then I am trimming bushes.  I am watering and digging holes then it is back to planting the flowers and watering.  However, by the end of the day, I have accomplished all my garden chores. In the end, the journey may not be as important as the destination – a clean house, a tidy garden.  

I didn’t seem to do this at work or at least I didn’t think I did.  I had to be discipline and get things done in an orderly fashion.  This took more energy to accomplish.  Where binging gave me energy, again I found it relaxing.

When discussing this with a friend, she called me a Pinball Wizard.  I guess that is what I am.  My style is my superpower even if it only for me.  If you identify with me, maybe you are also a Pinball Wizard.  We may have to create an association or at least a support group!  I bet we would discuss a variety of subjects from all over the place but in the end, we would have it all done, tied up with a bow!  Pinball Wizards Unite!!

New Year’s Resolutions. What?!

by Cynthia, posted in Taking Care of Business

Here we are. Half-way through the “new” year, already! It seems like quite some time ago we were ringing in 2025 and resolving to reach goals. How are your goals coming along?

I know. Life gets in the way of achieving our goals, objectives, and ToDo Lists. At times, we even forget we defined goals six months ago. Consider this is a gentle reminder to check in. What did you resolve in January to accomplish this year?  Did you set timelines or were your items open ended?

For me, goal setting is as much about planning as it is achieving something dramatic.  I even attended a planning workshop in January to learn more about setting and achieving my objectives. Yet it seems the more time I have on my hands, the less I am able to accomplish. Isn’t it easy to say, “I have plenty of time. I can do that tomorrow.”?

My system is simple. At the front of my paper planner (to which I refer daily), are two pages dedicated to listing goals. I have labeled each section by month, allowing me to “chunk” my huge list. Chunking simply is the act of separating tasks into doable and achievable portions. Looking at each month’s smaller list is not so overwhelming as looking at a long list for the year.  In my mind, that doesn’t mean I necessarily have to complete those items in the month in which it is written, but it is easier to take on a project when it looks smaller.

Upon completion of an item on my list, I place a checkmark to it’s left. When the entire chunk (in this case a month’s worth) is complete, a “good-for-me” sticker is added. A quick glance at the spread points me to the next task to accomplish.

Another tool that helps is telling someone what I intend to attain. Both acts of writing down the goals and of telling another person provide a small level of accountability.

If you made New Year’s Resolutions, half-way through the year is a great time to revisit them. Adjust if necessary. Sometimes, what we thought was important in January is no longer relevant. By the same token, new needs may have arisen. Now is the perfect time to pat yourself on the back for what you have completed. And, rather than beating yourself up for not working towards the other items on your list, start anew towards those things that you still want to realize.

The Briar Club

by Cynthia, posted in Reviews

Historical fiction has always fascinated me. So much of it is set in the World War II era, but I recently ran across this delightful book by Kate Quinn, a best-selling American author. Previously I had read The Alice Network and The Diamond Eye, so I knew her book would be well written.

The Briar Club is a delightful story of the Briarwood boarding house full of women, each one different from the others; each with her own story or secret. The book is set in early 1950s America encompassing the McCarthy era and the Cold War.

Quinn introduces many characters, yet the stories center on the occupants of the house. The landlady, Mrs. Nilsson, is a crotchety women who seems to be mad at the world. She borders abusive to her children Pete and Lina.

Borders include Grace March, a lovely, energetic, fun-loving woman who engages the other ladies and begins to build a community within the house. Other boards you will be delighted to meet are Arlene, Claire, Felicity and her daughter Angela, Reka, and Nora. Each lady’s life will fill your emotional well – some with laughter, some with angst.

While to stories of these women’s lives are intriguing the reader also gets a glimpse into life for single women in the 1950s. Quinn weaves history delicately throughout the pages pulling the reader into the boarding house as more than an observer.

This book had multiple themes, the most obvious being female friendship. Yet in reflection it included missives on finding your voice and coming of age. Quinn addresses post-partum depression, domestic abuse and dysfunctional families. Economics and politics found their way into the story line. This book is jammed full of issues that culminate finally into the one most important lesson of life. Accept others as they are and where they are. You may not know their back story.

I recommend The Briar Club to anyone who enjoys reading fiction and wants a realistic picture of Washington D.C. in mid-20th century America.

Selecting a Travel Partner

by Cynthia, posted in Lifestyle

Have you ever heard someone say, “if you can travel with a person, you can live with them”? I suppose the adage comes from experience.  My cousin and I have traveled together for twenty years. And both of us would admit that we would not want to live with each other. We are as different as night and day.  That said, we have found traveling together mostly delightful – and when it is not, we have found ways to cope.

In thinking about our trips, both domestic and international, I wondered whether I should begin looking for someone who is more compatible.  A review of suggestions for a good travel companion yielded qualities that both of us display, for the most part. Let me share what I have learned.

Shared Interests and Open-Mindedness. When planning a trip, someone with interests similar to yours gives you peace of mind. While there may be some compromise in activities, the experience will be richer if you are able to see the sites you want to see.  You may want to be willing to try something new or a little different than you usually try, making your trip more fulfilling.

Expectations and Communication. One of the best ways to ensure you will both have a great time is to see expectations in advance. On a road trip, for example, how long will you drive each day? Do you like to get to your destination quickly or find your way organically? What criteria do you have for lodging? Are you a Motel 6 traveler or do you prefer a Hilton property? Are you a fast-food junkie or do you prefer a sit-down meal at a nicer restaurant? Have you defined a budget set for entertainment and amusement? These and other visions of the ideal trip should be discussed during planning to avoid conflict as the trip progresses. And during the trip if concerns arise, discuss them right away.

Adaptability. Even with the best laid plans, things happen. You and your companion will want to be able to adjust to unexpected changes. Be positive and select a travel partner who can roll with the punches.  A good sense of humor goes a long way to lighten the mood in difficult situations.

Avoid People Who Go To Extremes. This should be common sense.  On flitterfever.com I read an interesting and relevant suggestion. Ask your potential travel buddy their opinion on controversial issues such as the President, vaccinations, conspiracy theories, etc. If you cannot agree to disagree or avoid touchy subjects such as these, you might want to select someone else with whom to travel.

The whole point, obviously, is you want to relax and enjoy your adventure. Choosing a compatible travel companion is Step 1 in making happily memorable experiences. Enjoy!