Category: Taking Care of Business

Mary Ann

I was living in Jersey City and working in New York City in 2012 when Hurricane Sandy hit the region.   Who would have thought that such a terrible storm would manifest in late October and cause as much damage in the NYC area?  This was not on my bingo card!

I lived by the Atlantic Ocean a good part of my adult life, so I was used to hurricanes and was prepared.  I was not ready in any way for Sandy to embrace my life as it did that year.  The storm itself did not damage my apartment even though I was located close to the Hudson River.  The water, however, was rising fast from the drains in the complex’s underground garage.  I had to move my car to higher ground.  As I returned to my apartment, the winds were picking up.  It was going to be a long night.  So, the cat and I cuddled up together and rode out the storm.  When the morning dawned, and Sandy went out to sea.  I began to realize how unprepared I was and that was the real storm in my life.  

Of course, the electricity was out so when you went out into the hall, it was pitch dark, no light anywhere.  I did have a headband flashlight and could use that to maneuver the building.  My phone was almost out of juice, but I could use my computer to recharge it for a while.  There was no way to get news, no idea of what was happening.  My refrigerator was beginning to defrost.  I was able to eat what was in there for a few days.  The frozen shrimp thawed out, so I had to cook it.  Thankfully, I had gas, and my stove was fully functioning.  I had to light it the old-fashion way with matches.  The bonus of having a gas water heater is having hot water for a bath even if you had to do it the dark.  Small wonder.  I was so thankful for a hot cup of tea. 

So, one day turned into another, and each day I had a mission.  I went out to find food or ice to keep what I had cold.  The hardest thing was getting money.  The ATMs were not working making it hard to buy food when it became available. Some of the local restaurants were able to make food.  They had gas so they could cook. You had to have cash because the credit card machines were not working. The local banks would only make money available for their clients, so it was a hike of a few miles to my bank for cash.

As the week progressed, the surrounding buildings got electricity.  My apartment was on a different grid, so I remained in the dark.  I found that I got up with the sun and went to bed when it set in the evening.  Electricity allows us the freedom of extending the day well into the night.  Something that we take for granted for the most part.  Eventually, the apartment management brought in trucks with giant generators that gave us light in the common areas.  They showed movies during the day to entertain and set up charging stations for our phones and computers.  If you had an extension cord, you could plug it in the outlets in the hall.  Humans are so adaptable that we immediately create systems to survive.  

What we were dealing with were inconveniences, not real problems.  No one was dying.  You had to put on an extra sweater to keep warm, you had to read rather than watch TV or play games with the family.  The cat enjoyed watching me play solitary, and I think she liked having me around all the time.  I had plenty of food for her, and she was wearing a fur coat.

My school was in Lower Manhattan, so it was closed.  No electricity and several streets had water issues. You couldn’t get into the city if you wanted, because the subways were flooded.  The lines for the ferries were for hours long.  Upper Manhattan had electricity, and you would not know that there was a hurricane.  My boss lived there.  Life was going on as usual.  After a week, the school opened so I had to get into the city.  One of my teachers gave me a ride through the Lincoln Tunnel on Sunday.  I ended up sleeping on my boss’s couch for a week.  The show must go on or rather the school bells must ring.  I was there to greet the children. (In case you were wondering, my cat sitter was able to come to take care of my beloved cat.) 

The next several months, New York got back on its feet.  The surrounding areas did not recover as fast.  Anyone coming in from New Jersey spent double the time getting to work and double the time getting home.  My half an hour commute became an hour.  Thank God for the ferries and buses.  You never appreciated the subways as much as you did when they didn’t work. 

This was my Sandy story.  What did I learn from the whole experience?  You need to be prepared.  I bought an energy block so I could charge the phone and computer. You must make sure it is always charged so you are ready.  I bought a land line phone – a little Slimline.  When the phone towers went out, for some reason the land phone lines were working.  I am not sure if that would work now.  Many landlines are not functioning today.  I bought a battery powered TV so I could get the news.  It also had radio function.  It is an analog, so you are only getting a few channels.  I can’t seem to get any channels in PA.  I also keep a stash of money in all dominations.  I use it for emergencies sometimes, but you must replenish what you use, so you have money when you need it.  

Of course, you need to squirrel away extra non-perishable food and water. I bought a month’s worth of survival food in case there is a Zombie invasion.  Just add water!  Oh, so yummy.  I have Life Straws to use for purifying water from a creek or pond.  I also keep extra medicine in case there is a delay in deliveries.  A first aid kit is a must.  Prepare a go bag for you and your pets if you must evacuate and have your important papers organized to take with you if needed.  Have a deck of cards or other games available to play or books to read or hobbies items like yarn for knitting.  You never know what you may need or how long the ordeal may last. 

As the world heats up, we are going to experience more extreme weather. There is not much we can do about it until the Earth cools if it can.  In the future the inconveniences of what I experienced with Sandy may be real problems.  Be that good Boy or Girl Scout and be prepared.

For many years we have heard how to create a strong defense against cybercriminals. We have been told to change passwords every three months, at least. Never use the same password for two or more sites or accounts. Don’t tell anyone your password. Use a combination of lower case, upper case, and numbers … and maybe even special characters. As the guidelines change, so do the cybercriminals and their tools – or is it the other way around?

While I do change my passwords frequently for well-used accounts, I have random accounts that don’t get updated quite as often as they should. You know those accounts that you are forced to create when you want to order food or items online. Those annoying restaurants and stores that really just want to spam you with unnecessary coupons, advertisements, and enticements to try to get you hooked on their products.

Going through those accounts and attempting to close them or at least to change passwords and email addresses can be a chore! Still, wading through the barrage can be somewhat satisfying, knowing that your online footprint will be a bit smaller.  Some accounts are more difficult than others. There is no clear way to close the account and have your data expunged. It takes much more time and effort.

One thing I have noticed, however, is that many of the accounts automatically add the multifactor authorization (MFA). And on those that do not, it is a good idea to add it yourself. MFA is the requirement to use more than just a password to get into the account. It may use a passkey, a code sent to the phone, or even an authentication application.

The National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) publishes new warnings and guidelines periodically. One of their recommendations is to move beyond passwords, stating passwords are not as secure as other methodologies. Hackers steal passwords through data breaches and through phishing attempts.

NIST suggests that if you do use passwords, make them at least 15 characters long. They also recommend to use a password manager, so you your long password will not have to be remembered; and always use MFA.

With over 3,000 data breaches in 2024, it goes without saying that some of your data has already been compromised.  Yet, if you are vigilant, you are less likely to have your data taken by those evil people who prefer to lie and steal for a living. (She said with a smile). Seriously, in this world of “everything online” do your best to protect your information. And keep smiling!

I have always thought of an estate as a grand residence and wealth held by a person or family over time. When I bought my home soon after a divorce, I named it The Queendom – a woman’s home is her castle, you know. Other than the home I worked for years to pay off, along with the furniture, and other personal belongings, and the car, I do not have much. Interestingly however, what little I own is my estate.

Several months ago my 94-year-old aunt was angry at her daughter when my cousin suggested she needed to start downsizing. She needed to designate the things she would like to give to children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and other family. She had made no plans for her estate upon her passing. Admittedly, I was somewhat surprised. I guess she thought she would live forever.

My mother, gratefully, had all her documents in place. She had designated me as power of attorney, she had a will drawn up, and I held with her the title of her home and bank accounts. My sister was listed as beneficiary of a life insurance policy. She had an advanced directive. All these documents were in place when she had a stroke, and I had to move her in with me. Immediately, I was able to help her take care of health challenges and finances. She had given me a wonderful gift.

I granted my daughter power of attorney several years ago and signed an advanced directive while I was caring for my mother. But my attorney had suggested that since I have only one daughter, everything goes to her automatically (in my state), so I did not need to waste money on a will. For a while that sufficed. Yet as I navigate these seventies, I realized I want to make things easier for my daughter, and I want to leave something for my two grandchildren.

An estate attorney and I now have the ball rolling. The fee, which is quite reasonable, gives me a peace of mind that is well-worth the time and effort. Of course there is more to planning for a disabling medical condition or passing away. I have a small document that tells her my current financial status, where to find things, and who to contact and how to contact friends and family. All these instructions and legal documents are scanned to a flash drive and printed in a notebook for my family’s use.

The documents will need to be updated periodically, but having the baseline set is a purposeful message for the next generations. Hopefully, it will make an emotional time just a bit easier.

Just as “death cleaning” (which Mary Ann wrote about earlier in our blog life) is a gift to one’s children, so is estate planning. Laws and practices vary from state to state, so it is important to consult experts where you live. But be kind to those who may have to deal with things once you need help or when you are no longer with us. Take time to document your wishes. They will love you even more for it.

Do you have multiple health care professionals with whom you work? While I am healthy overall, I find that I am juggling physical therapy, nutrition, and various medical appointments. Of course I have a calendar, but it seems pertinent to keep track of who I have seen, when, and the resulting action.

For example, I have been experiencing increasing lower back pain. So much so that my doctor ordered an x-ray and then an MRI.  Looking back at my records, I was reminded that I had an x-ray and MRI on my back two years ago.  I was thinking it would make sense to get a comparative analysis of the two, to see if my situation has worsened or remained the same. My doctor had not recognized the history.

I have always said that you need to take control of your own health. We live in a world where we expect doctors to know our issues and take care of us. We sometimes fail to remember they have other patients – many other patients. And doctors are human. They can miss findings or simply are too busy to scan past entries in our charts.  To be honest, I don’t even remember everything I have had tested, poked, or prodded.

I started keeping a file for each “issue”.  I list the date, the attending physician or medical professional, the purpose, and the result. I have found this history helpful when reviewing treatment.

Many years ago, 1996 to be precise, congress passed the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA). The primary purpose was to give patients access to their health records and allow patients to have control of who sees their health information. Standards were set for security and privacy. One provision, which has yet to be implemented by all facilities, was to develop a standard for reporting to offer better care for the patient. That is, each provider would use a system that could be available to other providers.  Some of the bigger health care systems have enabled that feature, usually through a patient portal. Yet we still have a long way to go.

Such a system would be a challenge to implement, but in my humble opinion it could advance health care significantly. Health care providers could have the “whole picture” of a patient’s health. I am hopeful that such a system will be devised in my grandchildren’s lifetime.

Meanwhile, I will keep my lists and drag them to the doctor’s office in the off-chance that I get more than ten minutes with her. 

Often you hear how women are our own worst enemies. Instead of supporting each other, we stab each other in the back. While that may have been true in the past and in many cases, I have found many examples of the opposite. Having made a commitment to myself years ago, that I would serve as an example of how to help and support other women, I am consistently delighted to witness how strong, confident women help build others. Following the old adage, “a rising tide lifts all boats” I find it satisfying when one lifts up another.

I’ve been watching The Murdoch Mysteries. Main characters in the saga include female doctors and the dilemma and challenges facing them as they attempt to navigate careers in male-dominated fields. One doctor mentored the younger doctor, always providing expert advice and support. At the same time, other women turned their backs on both doctors as they were not living “traditional lives” as wives and mothers.  Although this is not the theme of the series, as a [former] professional woman I find the stories all too familiar.

I recall a time when as a new Ph.D. in technology I encountered almost no women in my field. At conferences I would be one of three women among hundreds of men. Some men would scoff at us; others would condescendingly “help” us find our way through the jungle of men and topics.

Time passed. More women joined the professions.  Careers progressed. Or did they? Interestingly, throughout my career I found I was paid less than men, even as I progressed up the proverbial ladder. Some women accused me of “sleeping my way to the top” while others called me dragon lady and names not fit for print.  A few, however, took me under their wings and led me through meetings, supporting me along the way.  Those women, I will never forget.

One such woman is now in assisted living. She is 89 and struggling with degenerative spine issues. I visit her regularly and consistently remind her that she made a positive impact on my life. For that I am forever grateful. She was a pillar of our community, always helping, supporting, and lifting other women. She told me recently that many of her friends were dead and the ones still living do not visit her. Even the woman she practically gave her business to and who lives ten minutes from her has not visited. I find this not only sad, but disrespectful.

“Mankind should be our business” Lew Hayward (John Forsythe) tells Frank Cross (Bill Murray) in Scrooged.  I love that movie! The message, again, isn’t about women, but it *is* about the importance of helping one another. So I ask you, dear reader, to take a moment and think about those who have lifted you up over the years. A friend. A colleague. A family member. Take time to call and thank them for helping you. Let them know how they made a difference in your life.

For now, I gratefully am off to have coffee with a former co-worker who after nine years of retirement has contacted me to ask for a reference, because she said I made an impact in her life. I am shedding tears of joy.  What goes around, comes around, I suppose.

Driving down the street today I noticed a neighbor had several items sitting on the ground next to his garbage bins. I smiled to myself. Ah.  It’s the new year and people are thinking about cleaning up and weeding out items that are no longer of value.  I do that year around, although as I am putting away holiday décor, I have started a box of give-away items. And I am filling my garbage can with things no longer useful.

One of my goals for 2026 is to read 24 books. Some of you are thinking, “big deal” and others are thinking “that many!” Underlying this goal is a different motivation.  I have too many books in shelves – not only in my office but on shelves throughout my home. Some have never been read; others are waiting for a second or third reading. Regardless, it is time to begin honing the collection to those tomes that are especially important to me.

Cookbooks are my friends. For Christmas I displayed four Christmas-inspired cookbooks. When I went to put them away, the cookbook shelves had expanded into another bookcase. I needed to make room.  In doing so, I came across some old “Who’s Who” publications. Some of these have moved around the country with me and sat on bookshelves since the 1980s!  It was definitely time to part with these encyclopedias of peoples’ identities and accomplishments.

Of course I had to take one last look at my entry before tossing the [very heavy] books into the recycling bin. Imagine my dismay when I read my full name (including my maiden name), my birthdate and birth location, parents names, children’s names, and places I worked. Immediately I tore out those pages and ran them through the shredder, as if somehow that would hide these personal details.

It is naïve to think that would be the end of it. What have the hundreds or thousands of other people done with my information – and theirs?! The thought trail took me back to that time – a simpler life when we were more trusting; more open with strangers.  When one would think nothing of picking up a hitch-hiker to help them to the next destination. A time when everyone knew their neighbors as they were not hidden away behind camera doorbells and gated communities.  It was a time when we celebrated others’ accomplishments instead of trying to “one-up” them. Ah. The good ol’ days.

Maybe we can start with ourselves and one-by-one expand our private worlds to others – at least by reaching out to neighbors or people at church or the grocery store. A simple smile to a stranger goes a long way and just may instill in them a sense that life is worth living.

I’m glad to be reminded that people are important. Things are not.  I am going to reach out to some acquaintances; then resume the cleaning and organizing to begin a new year fresh and happy.

Mary Ann

Don’t we all need a White Knight who will slay our dragons or defeats a horrific troll who is under our many bridges.  My White Knight is the Apple Support Team.  I am an Apple fan.  I can’t say enough good things about their products. I have an iPhone, an iPad, and a MacBook Pro and love the fact that all their products can be synched. 

However, what I love the most about Apple is their support team.  In fact, I just used it today as I was writing blogs.  My curser froze, and I tried everything I could to undo whatever I did to cause the freeze.  I then called Apple Support.  The heavens opened and rays of light showered over me, and I was speaking to Kristen.  I explained my dilemma, and she asked me a few clarifying questions.  Then she began to guide me through the various steps to solve the problem.  Within 5 minutes, the problem was solved, and I was singing her praises and that of the whole team. They never disappoint. 

When you call, you never wait more than a few minutes, and you have a choice of music including silence to occupy you as you move quickly through the que.  Upon answering, a friendly associate, male or female, greets you, and we discuss the problem.  Regardless of the Apple device, they can help you.  They verify you are you with a code texted to your phone.  When that is done, they will come on whatever screen with a curser and begin to instruct you in correcting the problem.  This is all securely done with your approval on each step.  If you must use passwords or any other personal information, they leave the website until you are done with it.  They return afterwards to continue to next steps.  Usually, my problems only take a few minutes, but the associate will stay with you until you are satisfied.  One time I had trouble with a Microsoft renewal.  The associate stayed with me for a half hour until we got me up and running again.  That is customer service at its best. 

As a former administrator in schools, I know good teaching when I see it.  Whoever is training these associates is doing an excellent job.  It is hard to teach, but coaching people how to do things that do not come naturally is indeed special.  The Apple Associates are well-trained individuals and are remarkable teachers. They are friendly and very helpful.  

I always tell the associate how good they are.  I always remark on the Apple survey sent after the session how special this help service is and how well-done it is.  Apple Support has saved me several times.  They are my White Knights.  If you have Apple products and don’t know about this service, it is time for you to use it when you are in trouble with computer woes. (800-275-2273) If you don’t have Apple products, it might be a good time to check them out.  I know the world is divided into Apple and PC people.  However, I happen to be a happy Apple person, maybe you should be one too???  We all need White Knights to save us.  

To all our readers I want to thank you for the time you take perusing our musings each week. Mary Ann and I enjoy writing; and this blog has been a way for us to share with you our random thoughts and memories as we navigate our seventies as retired, single women.

With each passing year … dare I say day … I have come to the realization of how grateful I am for so many of life’s “little pleasures.”  As I pen this missive I look out over my front yard where a large and cheerful wooden Santa ushers a realistic reindeer through the red and white wrapped trees.

I am thankful for my health.  Sure, I have trouble getting out of bed some days as my back seizes and the vertebrae “crunch” causing varying levels of pain. Still, in the total scheme of things I can move through my day and function normally, albeit more slowly than in days gone by.

I am thankful for reflection.  I have wonderful and melancholy memories of my parents and brother who have gone before me, yet I have to smile when I look at the Christmas trees that represent each of them. My daddy collected Santas, my mom had an affinity for cardinals, and my brother loved teddy bears. My home has three Christmas trees decorated with their ornaments – a consistent reminder throughout the holiday season of the love we shared.

I am thankful for family. My sister and aunts give me way too much attention – and I revel in the intent and the fun that holiday activities with them yield. This year I was blessed with a sister trip to visit a 96-year-old aunt and 99-year-old uncle and their daughter and her husband. My 83-year-old aunt hosted a Golden Girls birthday party for me in which we all dressed as our favorite character – my uncle dressing as Blanche! The list is much too long for a Christmas day blog. My daughter and her husband and my grandchildren include me in many activities throughout the year, while maneuvering their homes and jobs. I remember how stressful those days were, trying to balance family and work and school.

I am thankful for my friends. Technology has made it possible to “have tea” with Mary Ann, even though we live half-way across the country from one another. My local friends and I enjoy a coffee or lunch date or simply a quick phone call or txt to say, “I’m thinking of you.”

How wonderful it is to be thankful for the gifts life gives. It is important, too, to let others know that the things they do and the gifts they give are also appreciated. In our hustle and bustle we often forget the value of a hand-written note that demonstrates extra effort and sincerity, care and thoughtfulness. Notes create a lasting impression cherished over time, a tangible reminder that the things you do and provide are treasured.

At the same time a physical note provides psychological benefits for the sender, often allowing for a higher level of happiness and lower levels of depression.  The note shows you invested the time in thanking them – that the time you put in selecting, purchasing, and wrapping a gift is reciprocated.

On this day of remembrance and gifts, let us be reminded of the gift of grace. And remember to let your loved ones know you appreciate, value, and treasure their part in your life.

Merry Christmas and a Happy Thank You Note Writing Week. Cheers!

Decorating for the holidays can be a bit overwhelming. Still, it is exciting to pull out treasures from years gone by, prompting memories of friends, family members, and events. Opening the tubs of decorations is almost like Christmas itself. I never tire of seeing gems that have been hidden away for a year.

One such memory comes up every year while decorating the “family” tree, which consists of ornaments from my daughter’s childhood and my daddy’s Santa ornaments. My seven-year-old participated in a gift exchange at school. (Needless to say that was more than 40 years ago!)  I sent a Barbie doll. She received a small handmade wooden mouse ornament.  Every year she tells the story about how she was “robbed” because she really wanted the Barbie. I tried to instill in her the sacrifice of the family who gifted her the ornament.  Yet, every year her children roll their eyes at her story.  Finally two years ago, I gave her a gift right after she told her story – a “professional” Barbie complete with a briefcase.  We all had a good laugh … and last year we didn’t get the story. So much for memories.  All that to say, it’s nice to store holiday décor and benefit from it year after year.

For those of you who have followed our blog for quite some time, you may recall I wrote about storing holiday items in the summer of 2024. Well, I couldn’t help myself after reading “Essential Holiday Storage Tips” by Lauren Kim in American Lifestyle Magazine.  I felt validated! Her tips mirror my practices and are worth repeating.  Following just a few storage guidelines will help preserve your favorite items and make it easier to find next year.

Designate a Location

Having a specific location for all of your holiday décor saves time and frustration. Rather than wondering where a certain item is, you can go to the place where you store all of it. Knowing where you will store items helps you determine the type of container. Mine are in the garage on commercial shelves. At my age, the attic that is access via a pull-down ladder is not practical. (Safety first!)

Consolidate Like Items

Since I have always been a “theme-girl” it is easy to gather the décor for each theme into one tub (or more if you need them). The Santa figurines are in a tub; nutcrackers in another; decorative baking molds in a third; and so on.

Packing the Container

In many cases I kept the original box. This is especially essential for collectibles as having the original box makes the item more valuable when it’s time to sell or donate. For unboxed items, I wrap them carefully in tissue paper. Heavier items go on bottom, lighter and more delicate objects on top. In some cases, an ornament storage container is handy. They are great for more than just ornaments. [I bought a three-tiered one several years ago and use it to store napkin rings.] As I remove the items from its display, I wipe them down assuming they have collected a little dust while out.

Making a List; Checking It Twice

I already have an inventory with a notation of the type of container.  But a few years ago I came upon the bright idea (a-hem) of taking a picture of the items in each box when I emptied the box. It was simple – I just unwrapped each piece and placed it on the table. When all items were out, I took a picture. I printed the picture and placed it inside the box. When it was time to put things away, I just looked at the picture and knew what would fit into that tub. So much easier! However, if you are not that ambitious, just keep a list of what you have and where it went. I code my labels. Since tubs are in my garage I figure I won’t make it easy for someone to know which box to steal if they happen to walk by when the door is open (which is not often).

All this sounds like a lot of work. Well, putting away your holiday décor *is* a chore. Yet we enjoy getting it out every year, so putting it away in an organized fashion makes next year’s access quick and painless. You will be able to spend more time enjoying your possessions.

Happy Decorating! I mean Happy Storing!