Author: Cynthia

Last week was mind-numbing. Without going into too much detail, I experienced a scary situation which filled me with anxiety. My mind was constantly racing with random thoughts of what to do. I felt violated, frustrated, and distraught.  At first I could not sleep.  While I forced myself to put something healthy into my mouth, I just was not hungry – which is quite unusual for me!  I even had to tell Mary Ann I would be unable to post a blog on Thursday. She, of course, came to the rescue. I spent the week dealing with the issue.

As the fog lifted I agreed to have coffee with a dear friend locally. My daughter invited me to a mother-daughter time at the nail salon – her treat – for Mother’s Day. The weekend would be for self-care.

Friday, a special surprise was in my mailbox.  Mary Ann had sent two books to inspire my writing.  One, *Blank Page to Bookshelf*, was written by her friend Mark McNease. I read the introductory pages of *The Joy of Writing Journal* by Lisa Tener and was – well you may have guessed – inspired! I was reminded that I have always wanted to create my own planner layout. So that project may be on the horizon. Who knows?

Saturday, I got up and started moving early.  I was just about to jump into the shower having eaten some breakfast, downed the morning supplements, and read my Bible chapters for the day, when I received a txt message from my beautiful, sweet granddaughter. She wanted to stop by on her way to work. I waited in my robe for her to arrive. She brought me a lovely nighty from my favorite lingerie store as a Mother’s Day gift. So unexpected!

Then, I met my friend Karen at a new coffee shoppe. It was spacious, light, and had the most delightful Yemini pastries. She selected a pistachio baklava, and I opted for a cinnamon chip muffin to go with our lattes. After we had visited for a couple of hours (yes, hours!) she pulled out a package. She had run across a lovely stained-glass dragonfly whose body was crafted from a silver spoon at the local art festival the previous weekend. It has found its way to a window in my office, allowing the light to shine through its amber wings.

As I was leaving the coffee shoppe I received a call from one of our local UPS stores.  A package I had sent to the wrong address had been returned! Unbelievable! So, I made my way to the store, updated the address, and sent the package on its way, once again. Of course I had to pay the shipping fee again, but for some odd reason, it was less expensive this time. Hmmm.

After working at my desk for a while, I took a call from my aunt and then my grandson called to say he was coming for a short visit. Such a delight! When he left I began readying the house for night and a potential thunderstorm. I was about to close the curtains in my office when I noticed my rose bush had suddenly bloomed! Just when you think people are horrible and life is harder than it should be, others find ways to brighten your days. It’s easy to become sad or lonely or unsure as you navigate your senior years. Yet if you allow yourself to be thrilled and amazed at life’s little pleasures, you will find happiness and maybe even joy!  Just the act of smiling, even when you feel like frowning, can lift your spirits. For the mothers who are reading – happy [belated] Mother’s Day!

What constitutes a gift? I guess I have never really thought about it.  I love giving people items I think they would enjoy. I enjoy doing things for others. Some would say my gifting is my Love Language. Lately, I have begun to rethink gifting.

My grands, nieces, and nephews, are all adults now in their twenties and thirties and some even older. Most of them have good jobs and are independent. They can purchase the things they want or need.  I find it challenging to select something they will want, appreciate, and use.  Anymore, when I ask them they reply “you don’t need to get me anything.”  While that is very sweet, they fail to understand that it makes me happy to give them something on their birthdays or other special occasions.

My granddaughter will turn 25 this month. I appreciate that she tells me what she would like – much of the time.  This year she told me – “money.”  She has recently moved out of her parents’ home, so money is tighter than before. She is learning that adulting is hard.  My sweet little girl no longer wants pink and frilly things. She wants to build up her savings account, so she won’t worry about having enough to pay her bills.  I appreciate her resolve.

I have resorted to gift cards for non-gift-giving holidays. Target gift cards for St. Patrick’s Day, grocery store gift cards for Easter, gasoline gift cards for Independence Day, etc.  Basically, things that help with day-to-day expenses.

Money just doesn’t seem like a very good gift. I need to rethink my position on gift giving. As I recall, my maternal grandmother always sent me a check for $5 with a greeting card signed Maureen. In fact, it wasn’t until later years that she started signing cards Grandmother Maureen. I loved her dearly and held her in the highest regard, even though it was hard for her to be a grandmother. She was more of a mentor to me. We got along wonderfully (opposed to most of my cousins!). Thinking about the cards and the checks, I suppose I enjoyed getting money from my grandmother. Mostly I appreciated that she thought about me on my birthday.

I sent checks to my nieces for a while, but it seems they would not cash the checks. I found that odd since it is easy to deposit a check with one’s smart phone – I’ve done it for years, so I imagined the younger people have done it longer. Each year I would ask them if they got the check because I noted it had not cleared my account.  Now, they get Amazon e-gift cards. Interestingly, they apparently appreciate those more than cash. (We truly are becoming a cashless society, are we not?).

All-in-all, I suppose giving a gift rests more in intent than in substance. So I will go to the ATM, or write checks, or send e-gift cards. Easy for me; beneficial for the recipients.  After all, it is the thought that counts!

I have been extremely fortunate to enjoy a close-knit family. Special relationships with aunts and uncles and cousins have enhanced the quality of my life. As I age, so do they, until unfortunately, their lives on this earth come to an end. Maybe it is the longevity in my family that makes it all the more difficult. I have come to expect they will be there when I call – that the card I sent will be read.

This month would have marked the 100^th birthday of my Uncle Bob. He served in the Navy during World War II. He was on the SS Yorktown. After the war he owned a flower shop and a department store in a small town in mid-America. Then he and his wife, my mother’s twin sister, moved to the city where my parents lived. When I visited my parents, I would also visit my aunt and uncle.  Upon retirement, my cousin moved from California to North Carolina – and took her parents with her.

My sister and I visited last September and were overjoyed to be able to spend time with them. Uncle Bob was especially thrilled to see us. We laughed and talked and met his new friends in the retirement village where they lived. When we left, Uncle Bob followed us all the way around the building on his scooter, just so he could say goodbye one more time. The reunion was delightful and filled our souls.

On the occasion of his birthday, there was no question that we would attend a celebration of his 100 years. However, he passed away peacefully just two weeks short of that birthday. The party we attended turned out to be a Celebration of Life after a funeral service that rightly honored a remarkable man.

He found joy in so many areas of his life.  Steve Hartman of CBS Sunday Morning even did an expose’ on him and two young boys who learned of his time on the Yorktown. They began corresponding with Mr. Harding and eventually the three of them were able to meet in person. That began a friendship that lasted twelve years. The young people last visited him soon after my sister and I left North Carolina. Another blessing for his long and prosperous life.

No, he was not wealthy – at least not in the way we often define wealth. But his life was rich with experiences and full of love. He loved God, his country, and his family and friends. He smiled easily, laughed heartily, and spread happiness everywhere he went.

At 96, my aunt mourns his passing. Yet she is doing well, knowing he is in “a better place” and no longer struggling as he did the final two months.  She knows when the time comes, she will rejoin her husband of 77 years.

While I am quite sad at the loss of my loved-ones’ lives, I am grateful for the tremendous love I have enjoyed over the years.