Author: Cynthia

I was scheduled to attend the 100^th birthday party of a dear uncle. Planning the road trip for a 19-hour drive was exciting. Riding along would be my sister, cousin, and another aunt who is 94-years old. What a celebration it would be.  But then my aunt – my mother’s 96-year-old twin sister called to say my uncle had passed away. Only a few weeks before turning 100.  I was sad. He was a special man.

The birthday party is now a Celebration of Life. This event, and other things happening in the world caused me to wonder: “Can a person find joy when suffering a loss?” “Is bad necessary for good to have meaning?”

Finding the “silver lining” can often feel like a cliché—especially when you’re in the middle of a storm. However, finding goodness during difficult times isn’t about pretending the bad doesn’t exist; it’s about expanding your perspective to see what else is present.

I pondered how to navigate the darkness without losing sight of the light. Here are some insights that may help when the “bad” things happen, whether loss of a loved one, a war, a fire, or some other occurrence that is somewhat negative.

The first step to finding goodness is facing reality. The internal “this shouldn’t be happening” often creates more suffering than the event itself. Try practicing radical acceptance and stop pouring energy into the “why”. Start focusing on “what now?” Acceptance creates the mental space necessary to notice the small, positive details you might otherwise miss.

Fred Rogers famously advised: “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” When bad things happen, they often trigger a wave of human connection. Look for the friend who checks in, the stranger who offers a hand, or the professional who provides clarity. The goodness is often found in the collective empathy that a crisis ignites.

When the big picture is bleak, shrink your world. You don’t need to find a grand purpose in your pain immediately. Instead, look for micro-joys:

• The warmth of a cup of coffee.
• A moment of quiet in a chaotic day.
• A bird landing outside your window.
• The fact that you handled a difficult hour with grace.

These aren’t distractions; they are evidence that life is still functioning and capable of providing comfort.

Language shapes our reality. When we say, “I’m happy, but this bad thing happened,” we negate the happiness. If you switch to “and,” you allow both truths to exist simultaneously: “I am grieving, (scared, depressed, etc.) and I am grateful for the support I have.” This allows you to honor your pain without letting it erase the goodness that remains.

Bad experiences are often the most fertile ground for personal evolution. Ask yourself:

• What strength am I discovering that I didn’t know I had?
• How is this shifting my priorities for the better?
• What am I learning from my reaction to this situation?

The “goodness” isn’t in the bad event itself, but in the resilience you build because of it.

Finding goodness isn’t a destination; it’s a muscle. The more you look for it, the more your brain becomes wired to find it. You aren’t ignoring the “bad”—you are simply refusing to let it be the only thing you see.

No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell._ ~Carl Jung

Several years ago I vowed to keep in touch with friends. When I thought of someone I would reach out within 24 hours. Technology makes it easier than ever before. We can make phone calls, send an email, craft a text message, or even use direct messaging on social media platforms. There is no excuse for not staying in touch with people.

Sometimes, though, people whom you respect are not close friends.  Mary Ann told me she read that most people have five truly close friends and about 150 acquaintances. At the time I thought, “I don’t have that many.” I resolved this year to add one friend to my repertoire of five.  In our senior years, developing friendships is even more difficult than when we were younger – and it was hard enough “back then.”

All that to say, sometimes there are people in your life that slip through your fingers. One of my acquaintances with whom I sometimes have lunch has been on my mind a lot of late. Each day I thought I would reach out to her by some means other than email as she had not responded to my messages for some time.  Still, I didn’t stop and take the time.  Then a few days ago, another friend sent me a text message with a link to an obituary.  Her husband had passed away unexpectedly a week before.

Immediately I picked up the phone and called.  She answered by saying, “Hello, Cynthia.” I expressed my condolences and offered to call the next week to schedule a time we could get together. I attended her husband’s (Don’s) funeral two days later.

Funerals are designed to be times to remember and honor the person who passed. They are for meeting with the family for a short moment in time, lending support and caring. Don’s funeral was well attended. Many of the people there were men and women with whom I had worked for years, all coming together in a common thread.  The service was full of remembrances and somewhat traditional.

Honestly, I cannot remember attending a traditional funeral for quite some time. Most of the services I have attended were more in the category of “Celebration of Life” opposed to a funeral with scripture and hymns. Yet, Don and his wife, my friend, are devout Christians, thus a fitting tribute to his life.

We are now at the age that we have begun to lose family members and friends. Life on earth is not eternal. These occurrences remind us to live each day fully, to love deeply, to be peaceful, and to shine light on whatever we are doing.

As I reflect on my life and those of my family, friends and acquaintances, I am reminded of the importance of connection …. Before it is too late. I hope to be remembered as a person who cared about others, who lifted them up, who spread happiness as often as possible.  How would you like to be remembered?

I wish for you, dear readers, Peace, Love, and Light.

Drew, one of the ladies in my book club frequently mentions her father, Van, who also loves to read. Occasionally, we select a book to read based on his recommendation. As with our members, Van enjoys reading from multiple genres. At one meeting we suggested Van may like to visit – or even join – our book club discussion.

What a delight it was this month when Drew and Van walked into our Barnes and Noble coffee shop a few minutes before we began. Van was tall, moved with precision, and sported the kindest expression on his face when I approached them. I couldn’t help myself.  I told him Drew had talked fondly of him and asked if I could hug him. He graciously allowed me to gently embrace him.

We ordered coffee drinks. They selected seating in the corner where it might be a little quieter. At 95, Van has lost some of his ability to hear well. As soon as everyone was seated, Van jumped in to begin discussing Junie, our January selection. He mentioned how much he enjoyed the book. He was impressed that the author, Erin Crosby Eckstine was able to write her first novel with such aplomb. Van commented on a hopeful ending to the story for one of the primary characters, Caleb.

I listened with awe as Van recalled characters’ names, authors and titles of additional books he had read. His memory and recall were sharp and his diction clear. He told us a little about being in Alabama when even the military base was segregated (relating to the story line of our book discussion.) Van was a valued participant in our discussion.

He asked if we were looking for additional members and we responded affirmatively. We invited him to return any time; even to join if he would enjoy conversing with this female-dominated club.

Spending this short time with Van, I am reminded of the value of including our elders. Here in the United States of America we fail to honor our senior citizens. With age one gains wisdom along with experience. There is much to learn and appreciate from others, especially from those who have walked the path before us.

At the same time, we help our older citizens live life more fully. Getting older can be emotionally and socially challenging. Our friends and family may pass before us, leaving us without someone with whom to share time.

Look for Vans in your life. The mutual benefit will bring happiness to you both.