4H

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

Throughout your life, you become members of different organizations and clubs.  It may be Girl or Boy Scouts, fraternities or sororities, church groups, Kiwanis, Rotary, VFW, book clubs, sport teams, and on and on.  All of them have influenced you in some way adding to the fabric of your life. It is our tribe or community.  It is a place where we belong. 

As I look back on my life, I belonged to many clubs, but the one organization that really influenced my life and helped me become who I am was the 4H.  I think most people think of 4H as a farmer’s club, and it does have famers.  However, it is far more than that. 

I was in 6th grade and joined the Dog Husbandry Club that was sponsored by the Purina Company and run by our local commissioner who had a rescue center for unwanted animals.  We were lucky to have such a caring man lead us.

 My brother, Timmy, and I loved our English and Irish Setters, so this club was made for us.  We learned about grooming, feeding, training, and showing our dogs.  We learned about responsibility with charts that depicted our hours devoted to training and grooming, and we would post the amount of feed we used to care for our dogs.  We would have a local dog show in the spring and a County 4H fair dog show later in the summer.  We demonstrated our mastery of skills at those shows.

As I grew older, I would do demonstrations about canine care – Primp Up Pooch or First-Aid for Pooch.  It gave me experience in public speaking, a skill I have used my whole life.  I would later become the club’s president, so I was learning leadership skills in that role.  My role expanded with the following years.  In my senior year of high school, I became a Keystone Winner representing the state of Pennsylvania at the National 4H Conference in Chicago, IL, 

We stayed at the Conrad Hilton – a big change for a small-town girl!   What an experience to be with hundreds of 4Hers representing their states.  Big cooperations like Ford or General Motors sponsored banquets for us, Miss America spoke, and we were guests of the city at their various attractions such as the Field Museum and a night club called The Cheetah.  It was truly a life-changing experience for me – there was a big world out there that I wanted to see. 

 4H gave me opportunities and experiences that have lasted a lifetime and shaped the person I have become.  I always loved the 4H Pledge. It is a meaningful way to live one’s life, and each leave of the clover represents a different H – head, heart, hands, and health.  It has always stayed with me, and I can readily recite it.   Let me share it with you.

4H Pledge

I pledge my head to clearer thinking,

My heart to greater loyalty,

My hands to larger service, 

And my health to better living, 

For my club, my community, my country, and my world.

What a positive way to live life!  However, the 4H Motto is what has been a true North Star in my life.  It is To Make the Best Better.  Whatever I have undertaken, I have tried to make it even better. The 4H gifted a pledge and a motto that has shaped my life, and I am so thankful for those words.  

Meal Train

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

Yesterday, I dropped off food for the family of a friend who has just become a hospice patient.  I enjoy cooking.  I guess you could say it is my love language. So this was an opportunity to share my love and caring for my friend and her family.

How did this come about?  A few days ago I received an email from Meal Train. At first I thought it was a phishing email, but I noticed three of my friends received the same message. So I called one of them. She had the same question and was about to call a friend of the potential recipient. Unfortunately, it was not a scam. The request was legitimate. I mention this to say it might be a good idea first to let people know the friend or loved one is having medical issues. But I digress.

Meal Train is an online service on which one can easily set parameters in a request for help. Information such as food allergies and restrictions, acceptable drop-off times, and number of people for whom you are providing meals can be entered.  Suggested gift cards to restaurants and even cash donations can be requested.  The idea is to make it easy for the volunteers to know how to help.  The organizer sets up dates and times for delivery.

One nice feature is that everyone who has been invited to participate can see what everyone else is providing. I found that helpful to ensure I didn’t duplicate foods that someone else had already provided or planned to. The recipients get to experience a lot of different dishes.

We always say “please let me know how I can help.” But the person who is ill rarely will ask.  Sometimes they don’t want to put others out. Sometimes, they simply don’t know what they need. For the friends, we wonder how much is helpful and how much is an intrusion during difficult times. With the Meal Train, most of the questions are answered in a polite and efficient manner.

Meal Train sends tips and reminders once you sign up.  If participants read those messages, the information is valuable. One tip that wasn’t made clear but which I know I appreciated when I had help, was to take the food in containers that can be used to heat the food and then simply toss it. No one wants to spend hours in the kitchen away from the loved one. So many affordable disposable options are available, making it easy for both the recipient and the volunteer. In fact, I keep aluminum foil baking pans, “paper” bowls, and heavy disposable flatware on hand. Whenever someone leaves my house with leftovers, I don’t have to worry about getting my dishes back and they don’t have to worry about returning them. Win. Win.

Looking for more information I found other sites that provide similar services. Some of those are Give In Kind, SignUp Genius,  Care Calendar, Lotsa Helping Hands, and Take Them A Meal. Likely there are many others. Find a site, as these do, that allows you to set up a schedule at no charge.

Next time you need to organize meal deliveries to family and friends, consider using one of these sites. Once set up, coordinating and volunteering are easy, efficient, and very helpful.  Choo choo. I’m hopping on the Meal Train!

Nagomi

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

A few days ago I reflected on the goal of having purpose in one’s life, giving meaning.   I guess I have entered a reflective period as today I am thinking of the philosophy of balance and achieving a harmonious life.  In Japanese culture, this concept is nagomi.

Kevin Dickinson on Big Think describes nagomi as “blending seemingly disparate elements until they form a unified, harmonious whole.”  This sounds like a delightful perspective, yet a challenging concept to implement.  How do we maintain our values and morals and achieve peace in a world that consistently throws negativity, anger, and opposition at us?

Kenichiro Mogi, has written a book describing how the Japanese have internalized a life perspective that helps achieve personal balance. It is about harmony, sustainability, and being agreeable. Ken suggests that Japanese people are “very good at being successful but at the same time keeping a low profile.”

In their food, for example, mixing elements from different origins yields delicious dishes. Mogi gives the example of Katsu curry. The cutlet is a French meat dish, the curry is Indian, and rice is Japanese.  Bringing together these disparate elements into one satisfying meal offers pleasure which in turns provides a sense of satisfaction. This example while simple is not meant to trivialize the concept of nagomi.

Mogi, a senior researcher at Sony Labs, is also a visiting professor at the University of Tokyo. In his book he presents how nagomi is manifested in nine areas of life: relationships, food, health, self, society, nature, creativity, and lifelong learning. He offers examples of nagomi in each of these areas.

I found this an interesting concept and fundamentally similar to my own Seven Wheels model for balanced living. Rather than nine focus areas, the model I developed has, well, seven. They are labeled: Physical, Emotional, Professional, Relationships, Self Expression, Intellectual, and Spiritual. Of course each area has a depth that is not fully described in the naming convention. My annual goal setting touches each of these facets to ensure I am achieving well-rounded experiences.

At times, it is easy to spend all your energy in one aspect of your life, only to discover later that something is missing. To achieve equanimity we move gently back into those areas we have neglected. Doing so brings our lives into balance. We realize that the whole is more effective than the sum of the parts. Thus, we find ourselves more balanced and our lives in harmony with our environment.

I guess it somewhat boils down to a positive and focused outlook on life.  I recall a song from childhood – you may have sung it, also. “This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine.”

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Purpose and Meaning

by Cynthia, posted in Taking Care of Business

Many people find themselves at retirement without a clue as to what comes next. Most people believe they have planned for retirement. Money has been socked away. Investments made. Assets inventoried and in a lot of cases homes are debt free. Retirement planning often has singularly focused on the financial wellness of our expected work-free life.

We may even have had random thoughts about “when I retire I will …” travel, spend more time with family and friends, read more, garden, and so on. Yet, how often did we truly think about how we would spend each day? More importantly, how many people thought about their purpose in life.  Has one’s purpose changed as we no longer have the role as a professional.

Personally, I never defined myself by my job. Still, leading a team as a university executive gave me some level of purpose.  I knew what I would be doing Monday through Friday, and frankly all week. I knew for several hours each day others depended on me to show up, make decisions, support and encourage, and lead. I was visible in the community, sitting on numerous non-profit boards, volunteering, and fund-raising.

Admittedly, as I reached my 60s, I was tired. I was ready to slow down, to step aside and let the younger people take the responsibility. I planned a two-week vacation, leaving two days after my last day of work, knowing that on Monday morning I may wonder “what shall I do today?” Still, it didn’t occur to me that after a few weeks of not being required to be somewhere, for someone day in and day out, that I might need some direction in my life.

Twenty years ago I bought – or was given — The Second Half of Life by Angeles Arrien. The assumption is that once we reach age 50 it is time to begin to reflect on our lives – what has been and what will be. At 50, I was still extremely active, healthy, and out to conquer the world. The book was placed on the bookshelf and left unopened until recently. Now, glancing through it I find a reflective, spiritual orientation to what to do with my life as I journey toward and through the final transition. The golden gate. But I digress.

Dr. Robert Butler, the first director of the National Institute on Aging, led a study on the correlation of life expectancy with individuals who had a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives. He and his collaborators found that people lived longer and were healthier when they felt their sense of purpose.  Since that 2014 study, numerous additional studies have been conducted that validate these results.

Richard Leider, who is reputed to be one of the leading executive coaches in America, has created a questionnaire that offers an individual insight into his or her sense of purpose.  If you are interested in exploring this approach, you can find the survey at this link:

Click to access The-Purpose-Checkup.pdf

Your purpose need not be grandiose. Your purpose in life is a part of who you are – your values, morals, interests. It is found within you.  Living as your authentic self, spending your time and energy on those things that “put you in your happy place” leads to a happier you.  Whatever you enjoy and engage in, living your purpose will give your life meaning.

The Year of the Penguin

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann 

Every year to celebrate Earth Day, Disney with National Geographic produces a nature film on a particular animal – elephants or big cats or polar bears.  This year they did a three-part series on penguins – such delightful little creatures!  Their very survival is a challenge in every aspect.  Yet, they seem to do it with such a good attitude, a lesson for us all.  

There was also another film this spring about a penguin that was both charming and captivating.  The Penguin Lessons is a true story about a professor, Tom Michell, from an elite boy’s school, St. George’s, in Argentina during a fascist regime in the 1970s.  The professor, a bit of a curmudgeon, is adopted by a penguin that he saves from an oil spill while on a trip to Uruguay.    When you are claimed by penguin as one of his peeps, you do not have much choice but to bring it home with you.  This is where the story unfolds.

The penguin, Juan Salvador, captures the hearts of everyone he encounters, even taming Michell’s unruly English class. Juan Salvador is a great listener to Michell, the cleaning lady Maria, and eventually the headmaster himself.  It was time to end the no pet rule.  Michell played by Steve Coogan and Jonathan Pryce as Headmaster Buckle are naturals for these leading roles and masterfully portray their characters.  However, Juan Salvador steals the show in every scene he is in. 

This film is far from an animal special.  There is an underlying story of the plight of the Argentinian people during a dictatorship.  Thousands of people disappeared off the streets and were never seen again.  This storyline is portrayed by Maria the cleaning lady and her granddaughter Sofia, a political activist, giving other penguin lessons that are applicable to our world today.

I love independent films – good stories, fine acting, low budget, and usually smacking with charm in one way or another.  For the most part they are shown in small, unique theaters throughout the country from the Angelika in NYC to local renovated ones, often a hidden gem, in your local community.  You should seek one out to see films like The Penguin Lessons and feel the magic in the dark.   

Gratitude

by Cynthia, posted in Lifestyle

For what are you grateful today?

Today I am grateful for the ability to write what is on my mind and to share it with others whom I have never met. Today I am grateful for my health, while it isn’t at the level it was even five years ago, I am able to get up each morning and go about my daily habits. Today I am grateful that I have clean water to drink, a comfortable home in which to live, and healthy food on my table.  I could go on and on. My heart is full of gratitude today.

Pondering the concept of gratitude I realize how often we compare ourselves to others and think “why can’t I have ____ “. Recently I was reminded of how far we have come in a society based on electronics. I observe young people with their faces constantly in their phones and their mantras of “I don’t make enough money,” and “I’m not thin enough” or “my face isn’t as clear as I want it to be” and this list grows. We have learned to compare ourselves and our lives to the others, as they have posted online.

This led me to remember the COVID-19 lockdown, which was five years ago, now.  There is no denying the disease was horrible for many, many people. WHO reports an excess mortality rate of three million people, worldwide, 1.8 million deaths were reported from 2020 alone. Worldometer reported more than seven million deaths by mid-April 2024.  Reports are no longer being updated as reporting has almost stopped.  Some health care workers say the reporting was inaccurate. Still, we cannot deny the epidemic was frightening and life-threatening for many.

Why do I drop this bomb in the middle of a discussion on gratefulness? Because many people stayed healthy throughout the epidemic. I note that as devastating as the lockdown was for individuals and our economy, those of us left to complain can’t seem to let go. It occurred to me how lucky I am to live in a country that cared enough for “my” well-being, that everything they knew to do at the time was done to protect me and my family.  As good parents do for their ungrateful children, our country made decisions based on the knowledge leaders had at the time. We do not know what would have been different had we not limited our face-to-face interactions. But that is behind us now. Instead of complaining about how my life changed due to those couple of years, I am grateful to live in a country where I can voice my opinion, choose to vaccinate or not, and continue to live my life.

Today I am grateful to have intelligent, caring friends with whom I can discuss issues on which we disagree and remain respectful and appreciative of our relationships. I am grateful for the United States Postal Service that will take a card across the country to let a friend or family member know I am thinking of them.  I am grateful for Amazon, the warehouse workers and the delivery drivers who bring things right to my doorstep.

I am grateful that I can sit outside or stay in – that I have a choice. I am grateful when my grands help clear the table and clean the kitchen or carry out the garbage. I am grateful for my niece who occasionally and randomly sends me a text message just to let me know she is thinking about me.

I am grateful that I have learned not only to be grateful, but to have the ability to think about gratitude.  It lifts my spirits, even to the point of making me smile. In each of our lives every day there is something for which we can be grateful, if only we take a moment to name it.  For what are you grateful today?

Double Names

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

When I was born mid-century, now an antique, double names were in vogue – Debbie Sue or Barbara Ann.  I was named after my grandmother, Mary, and there was a great, great grandmother who was named Mary Ann. I did not have a middle name.  However, the entire world for my entire life has tried to make me a Mary and Ann as my middle name.  I have never felt like a Mary.  I am Mary Ann.

For the most part I could correct my name by raising my hand or changing my name on the back of a document sent to me – you know, put corrections on the back. I tried using my maiden name as a middle name and the Ann was still dropped.  

I lived like this for most of my life until Social Security suddenly began to call me Mary.  For years, they used Mary Ann.  I guess with a new computer system or whatever, they dropped the Ann.   It is interesting to be in a Social Security office and have they tell you your name is Mary and you tell them no, it is not.  Sorry, that is how your state has registered your birth so we must use that. Oh, NO!!

Social Security then sent me to the courts to change my name.  The judge looked at my birth certificate and said you can’t change your name to your name.  Then he sent me on my way.  This was a bit frustrating.  I went to see my Congressional Representative.  Of course, I didn’t see him, but I got a staffer who was most helpful.   They told me to bring my parents to the local office, and they could verify what my name was.  My ninety-year-old parents went with me to the office.  They told the staff that I was a Mary Ann with no middle name.  The paperwork was completed, and my name was submitted as MaryAnn, no space.  A month or so later, I received a new birth certificate.  I then submitted it to Social Security, and they finally accepted it using my correct name. 

Thankfully, my parents were alive to help me correct my name.  I am not sure what I would have had to do if they were not.  I guess I would have had to hire a lawyer and go back to court.  For the most part, things have been better now since I have done the change.  When I get mail now, those who address me as Mary do not know me, and I pay no attention to the correspondence.  

Naming your child is one of the biggest responsibilities a parent has.  There are so many things to consider.  Does the name have more than one spelling?  Is it easy to pronounce?    Do the initials spell something weird?  Are you going to give an extremely long name to your child?  Think of a first grader learning to spell his or her name. It will take them forever to do this.  Sometimes a baby name doesn’t age well, and conversely, an adult name can be a heavy thing for little shoulders to carry.  Be mindful if you give a double name to your child.  Make it one word if you can such as Annamarie or Marianne. You can also add a hyphen – this is called a double barrel name and is common in many countries such as the UK.  Just know if you don’t, you are giving your child a lifetime of hoops to jump through.  I am living proof!

Some countries in the world actually have restrictions on naming children.  However, the United States is known as the naming wild west – anything goes. Elon Musk has used digits to name one of his children – XAEA-12.   According to the Social Security records, Olivia and Liam are the top USA names for this past year – easy in every way! 

I have just purchased my headstone, and I made sure that my name was correctly spelled as I want it.  I don’t want to go into eternity with the wrong name planted above me!  It has been a bit of hell on earth for me fighting constantly to correct my name.  I would like to rest in peace!!

Gazpacho

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

My first encounter with cold soup was the tomato concoction that originated in Andalusia, Spain known as gazpacho. Traditionally, as I understand it, gazpacho comprises tomatoes, bell peppers, onion, cucumber, and bread with a vinegar and oil, all blended together. Made this way, gazpacho can be eaten with a spoon or enjoyed as a smoothie-type drink.

The recipes in many of my cookbooks, however, do not blend the ingredients, rather they leave small chunks of the summer vegetables giving the soup “tooth.” This way is my preference – I want something to chew!

My brother would tease me saying, “I ordered gazpacho at a restaurant once, but it was cold when the server brought it.” ha ha.

Over the years I have delighted in making fresh gazpacho and keeping it in the refrigerator for several days. When working in the yard or just coming home from a day out in the heat, there is nothing as refreshing as a bowl full of cold veggies. And with all the yummy ingredients I can get my daily dose of vegetables in one bowl.

While I have always told my granddaughter that a recipe is a suggestion, I have always combined and followed recipes from three cookbooks to make mine. I had not been very adventurous beyond the basic ingredients. This year I thought I was very clever.

This gazpacho has tomatoes, celery, onion, garlic, parsley, red wine vinegar, olive oil, vegetable juice and a touch a cayenne. I added sweet and crunchy watermelon radishes and some chickpeas for protein. I was out of cucumbers, which usually find their way into the soup. Avocado chunks are used as garnish to complete the meal. Bread has never been in my summer soup of choice.

Being very proud of myself, I looked on-line to see what the professionals are doing with gazpacho. Authentic recipes abound yet a wealth of “best” and “most refreshing” gazpachos yielded soups that veered from the traditional.  Some people have added hot sauce, zucchini, various herbs, and even watermelon! I guess I’m not so smart after all.

However you decided to make it, fresh summer vegetables offer the most delicious concoction to cool your palate and soothe your soul when temperatures soar. Made ahead, you don’t even have to cook when you come in. And that’s another bonus!

July 4th Picnic

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

When my father was alive, he would attend a local monthly WWII Veteran’s luncheon, so one year I was home visiting him for the 4th of July, and he asked me to go with him to the picnic.  Despite being in his 90s, he could walk so I just think he wanted company because he didn’t need help to get there.  

The picnic was at the local firehall, and there were about 50 people attending.  For once, I was one of the youngest women there. That doesn’t happen very often anymore.  The men were all greeting each other, and I was getting introduced to everyone. Maybe my father was showing me off a bit.  Even though they were older gentlemen, they could still flirt with a knowing wink or mischievous smile.  I was having a good time.

With each hello, I would ask what their role was during The War – there was only one war, WWII, for this group. They would share that they were on the beaches of Normandy or they freed a concentration camp or fought with the Marines on Iwo Jima.  I was talking to living history. The gentleman across from me at the table told me every few minutes about D-Day, and I listened patiently because it was important to him, and it was a memory he still had.  

Most of these men didn’t talk about The War when they came home, and the stories remained deep in their souls.  They had a lot of lost time to make up for and didn’t need to dwell on the tough times in their lives. However, as they got older, the stories seemed to rise to the surface.  At least, it did with my father.   His memories, his stories are precious to me now.

Well, after the social “hour,” it was time to eat.  We filled our plates with hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and baked beans – typical fare at a picnic.  Everyone was seated and grace was given, and birthdays were acknowledged with several of the men reaching milestones in the 100s. With each month’s meeting, fewer men were in attendance – The Greatest Generation was rapidly disappearing. 

 After the birthday wishes were extended, we all stood for the Pledge of Allegiance.  Old men in walkers who could barely stand did their best to rise for the Pledge.  They all did and loudly began “I Pledge Allegiance to The United States of America….”  I became so overwhelmed with emotion that I began to cry.  (Tears still fill my eyes as I write this.)  I was free because all these men had sacrificed their youth with their bodies, minds, and souls.  At that moment, I understood the meaning of the Pledge and why they fought for liberty and democracy. 

In this very divided time in our country’s history, I don’t think those men were thinking along party lines or if they were from a blue or red state as they stormed the beaches of Normandy.  They knew their purpose to fight for freedom and against tyranny. I will always be thankful for that day and the treasured gift those men gave me.  That may have been my father’s purpose in including me that day.  Daddy was always so wise, and there was a lesson to be learned that day.   

Wild Dark Shores

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann

I just finished Charlotte McConaghy’s new book, Wild Dark Shores.  I couldn’t put it down.  In fact, I finished the book in two days.  You could read it all in one day.  McConaghy is an extraordinary writer giving the reader rich storylines with complex characters, settings that are in remote places, and lots of twists. She combines all of this with strong themes about nature and environmental issues – often a wake-up call about our planet. 

Shearwater, a remote island near Antarctica, is home to widower, Dominic Salt, and his three children, Raff, Fen, and Orley.  Dominic is the caregiver to the world’s seed bank. His job is to protect the seeds that may be needed in the future to feed the world. The island and the seed bank are under pressure with rising sea waters.  The island also is home to a research center for scientist to study plants, animal, weather, climate change, and the like.  Scientist come and go a few times a year. 

The family lives in an old light house atop of the island.  Have you ever noticed how people who live in light houses are a little off?  There are many books and movies that depict this.  The Shearwater lighthouse is no exception.  It seems to be haunted.  Is it real or imagined?

The weather is unpredictable, the seas are rough and rising, and the island is constantly under attack from the elements.  During one storm – yes, a dark and stormy night, a woman  washes ashore.  The family saves Rowan, the mysterious woman, and while she heals, Rowan bonds with the island and the Salts.  They are all awaiting the Navy ship to take them away from their home of eight years, for Rowan to return to her life, and rescue the seeds. The story unfolds during the days of preparations.

Charlotte McConaghy moves the story forward through the perspective of the various characters. They all have backstories that you will discover, and as in all McConaghy’s books, there will be many plot twists and surprises.  That is why it is hard to put her books down.  By the end of the story, you know all the characters well and will miss them.  I have loved all McConaghy’s writing and particularity her use of nature themes.  Her books are food for thought on many levels.  Wild Dark Shores is a worthwhile read that will haunt you long after you finish reading.