Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

by Cynthia, posted in Reviews

Cynthia

Every night after the news and Wheel of Fortune, I seek out a movie to watch with my 94-year-old mother who has a mild case of dementia, congestive heart failure, and COPD. After six years of entertaining my mother as she slowly declines, it is difficult to find a movie that is simple enough for her to understand, devoid of the f-bomb in every sentence, and doesn’t cause nightmares from violence.

Recently I came across a delightful film based on a novel by Elizabeth Taylor – her 11th novel, actually, which was written in 1971. The movie perfectly captures the feelings of many of us as we age.

Mrs. Palfrey is a gentle woman who has a snippy daughter and a grandson who makes no extra effort to see her. She has rented a room in the Claremont Hotel, which has become an independent living establishment for older adults. They gather at mealtime in the dining room, although each resident sits at his or her assigned table. The movie is sadly humorous.

One day Mrs. Palfrey is out walking when it begins to rain. She picks up the pace, only to trip on the sidewalk and fall. A young man, Ludovic, happens to see her take the tumble and runs to her rescue, ushering her into his borrowed apartment for a cup of tea. Ludovic and Mrs. P become fast friends. They adopt one another in a grandmother/grandson type of relationship.

The flick is simply a sweet comedy drama on the surface. However, underlying messages arise as one delves into the characters and the plot. Do we retain or develop a sense of pride as we age? If we feel rejected by family, how do we deal with the hole in our hearts? Why does Mrs. Palfrey need to develop a relationship with a pseudo grandson? Why does Ludovic enjoy time with an old woman? What is the film telling us about aging and familial relationships?

In an effort not to spoil the ending, I encourage you to take time to view the film. Cuddle up with a soft blanket, a cup of Earl Grey, and a tea biscuit. Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont may strike you with varying emotions and leave you with thoughts to explore. Prime members can view the movie at no extra charge.

I am REALLY a Silver Sage!

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

I was teaching a class on Vision Boards.  When the class was busy cutting and pasting, a nice buzz permeated the classroom with people sharing their stories and comparing their wishes for the future. I milled around the room chatting with the students when I settled at a table with two forty some year-old women. They were busy mothers trying to balance home and work so this Vision Boards class was a good exercise for them to clarify their hopes and dreams.

As we chatted, one of them asked me what advice I would give to a younger woman.  At first, I froze. No one ever asked me for advice. Someone cared enough to ask my opinion. Time stood still.  I quickly went back through 70 years of living trying to find just the right words to say to her. This was my moment to make a statement that someone would use to guide his or her life. This had to be good.  The responsibility was so heavy on my shoulders.   

Then, words from my mother began to emerge from the fog that surrounded me.  My mother told me when I was a younger woman that you need to buy what you want, do what you want, and go where you want because a time will come when you cannot. I think at the time I didn’t take the words very seriously and didn’t see the wisdom in them.  As I have gotten older, it absolutely makes sense. None of us know what life is going to bring us or if we are going to have many years to do the things that we want. I think what my mother meant was enjoy life now.  There may not be a tomorrow.  Yet, how many times do we put things off for that tomorrow?     

So, I shared this with the mothers.  They chewed on it a bit.  Making the Vision Boards was a chance to put the things they wanted to buy, to do, or to go in a concrete format that they could revisit each time they passed their Vision Boards.  Their dreams would go out to the universe.  They had a path to making their dreams a reality.  

Now, I was puffed up like a peacock and emotionally drained at the same time.  This was such a lovely compliment for a younger woman to ask an older woman for her advice.  We all need to ask those older women, those silver sages, in our lives for some of their wisdom, because a day will come when they will not be there to ask.  The wise words my mother gave me have stuck with me.  I was glad to pass it on to other women.  They need to remember them and remember to work on their core. When the core is gone, it is so hard to get it back, and believe me, you will need it!   

Caring Expressions

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

Cynthia

A few months ago my brother, my soulmate, passed away.  I was devastated. I could not imagine life without my big brother, to whom I looked up. Over the months before his passing I took my turn at caring for him to give his wife a break. He became frustrated and agitated at the loss of his independence. The days and nights ran together for him, his wife and for me. At the same time I was caring for my mother who also was a hospice patient and my granddaughter who had multiple issues and eventually surgery the week before my brother passed.  During this time sleep evaded me. My energy dropped. Yet, as we women often do, I pressed on.

Throughout the months of caregiving and the days after he passed, friends checked in to see how I was coping. Often just a quick phone call or a short text of “thinking of you” with a heart emoji was just what I needed to know my heart was enfolded in their love.

My brother was very spiritual and patriotic, but not religious. In planning for my brother’s Celebration of Life my nieces, sister, sister-in-love, and I decided to serve foods he enjoyed. Because I frequently made pies for him, I volunteered to make 200 mini blueberry pies for the “party.”

Friends and family gathered one Saturday morning to help. How comforting to be surrounded by friends and family during this time of intense grief. I had an opportunity to share some memories of my dear brother.

Having always valued my friendships, I have an even greater appreciation for the “little things” one can do to support a friend in grief. A card, a note, a smile, an ear. Never think your small expression of caring goes unnoticed.  It means the world, even if the recipient cannot respond at the time.

Our Daily Bread

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

Cynthia

Have you noticed you are not eating as much these days? I find one good meal accompanied by a couple of light “snacks” as I call them will keep my tummy full and my energy up.  My big meal of the day (dinner) is generally around 2:00 pm.  I might eat a muffin or a piece of toast with fruit in the morning and in the evening a salad, mini charcuterie, or a bowl of soup.  The challenge for me is grocery shopping.

I like to go to the grocery store when it opens at 7:00 am on a Sunday morning. Few cars are on the roads and even fewer shoppers rise and shine on Sunday mornings.  This, I will admit, is a challenge for night owls – as myself – because getting moving early enough to make this happen is outside of my arcadian rhythms.  But hey, Sunday is a day of rest, so I can take a nap later if necessary.

Back to grocery shopping.  Does your grocer provide mini loaves of bread? Or small batches of fruits and vegetables? While I can buy some individual fruits, it seems most items are packaged for families.  As a single woman I don’t really need the full Monty when it comes to food. So what does a lady do?

My freezer is my friend.  Say I’ve purchased a full loaf of bread. A gallon sized freezer bag neatly holds four slices. I press out the air before sealing the bag and lay it flat in my freezer. Three or four bags with a little left out for current use and I am good to go.  When I need bread, it is right there. I take out a bag and in a few minutes it is thawed and perfectly ready to go. Or if avocado toast is calling my name, I pop the bread into the air fryer, hit the bread button, and in 8 minutes I have a lovely piece of toast to adorn.

Recipes lend themselves well to families, too.  As a single, I simply make the recipe and freeze the leftovers, marking the contents and the “use by” date. Disposable aluminum casserole pans are perfect for those things that will be heated in the oven. (Just remember to put a cookie sheet under as the hot container is flexible.) The food comes out yummy.  And there are two bonuses: no cooking and no clean up. Perfect for those days when I prefer to work in the yard, visit friends, or just relax with a juicy novel.

No more worry about wasting food. So Mr. Grocer, give us a loaf for our daily bread.

Kiplinger’s Retirement Report

by sssmahh303, posted in Taking Care of Business

Mary Ann

Kiplinger’s Retirement Report

Occasionally, the universe rewards you with an unexpected gift, and that gift for me came via the Kiplinger’s Retirement Report.  This monthly newsletter is worth every penny of its subscription price. The newsletter is filled with valuable information about government actions regarding Social Security, Medicare, and other policies that affect your life. It has investment advice, information where to retire in the US or internationally, tax updates, consumer guidance, travel info, and on and on. 

My gift was finding a nugget of information in one of their Social Security articles.  Divorced people who were married for 10 years or more, older than 62, and have not remarried could claim Social Security against the former spouse’s benefits.  You must be divorced for at least two years, and the ex-spouse must be eligible to collect Social Security. You can collect half of the ex-spouse’s benefit, and if the ex-spouse is deceased, you can collect the full amount of the benefit.

I may have read this in the past, but it had not registered.  Social Security certainly is not going to contact you about this option.  As soon as I read the article, I made an appointment at the Social Security Office to see if it was indeed true.  It was, and I could collect the benefit.  Later, when I turned 70, my own Social Security kicked in. I was able to share this information with one of my colleagues at work who was in the exact situation as I was, and her former husband had passed so she got the entire benefit.  This gift from the universe allowed me to buy a house prior to retiring, and it allowed my colleague to retire earlier.  We both collected our Social Security at 70 getting the maximum benefit and preventing two little old ladies from becoming bag ladies.   

I think of all the women (and men) who did not know about this benefit and missed out on the extra money.  It may have made all the difference in the lives of those eligible people.  It does not affect the former spouse at all, and the former spouse would never even know this is occurring.  However, you still must pay taxes on the funds.  You must meet the criteria for the claim. Always check with Social Security. The Social Security website post all the details in the Divorced Spouse Benefit section.  In the end, it allows you to build you own future Social Security by delaying claiming it earlier.   So, all I can say is thank you Kiplinger, thank you universe! 

CALM

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann

Have you seen the Calm commercial where rain falls on leaves, and you are instructed to take a break for 30 seconds and breath?  It is a favorite because it does make me stop what I am doing and take a break.  That moment is what Calm is about.

I have been a member of Calm for several years now, and I can’t say enough good about the app.  I do the mediations and sleep stories.  I listen to the music and take the courses that are offered about anxiety, sleep, stress, being present, and many others about the human condition.  Some sessions are a few minutes, others are an hour long, and yet others can be a month of lessons teaching you how to mediate for example.  

I start my morning doing the three 10-minutes mediations led my Tamara Levitt with the Daily Calm, Jeff Warren with the Daily Trip, and Jay Shetty with the Daily Jay.  These three cheerleaders lead you thorough short mediations and give you a pep talk to help you face the day.  It is funny how just the right message seems to come when you need it.  There is also a session by Mel Mah called the Daily Move.  It is a short program of three exercises to do to help with back pain to anxiety to balance to flexibility.   Quite a variety is offered in a gentle way.

The day ends with me listening to a Sleep Story to fall asleep.  There are travel, train, kids, self-help, nature, fiction, and non-fiction stories, many with celebrities narrating the stories.  Some stories are 15 minutes where others can take up to an hour.  Most of the time I never finish the story because I am asleep. If I wake up in the night, I start the story later in the session.  There are also a whole catalog of sleep mediations with varying lengths and focus.  It is nice to end the day with a gratitude mediation.  

There is a seven-day free trial to introduce you to the programs. Then it is $69.99 a year if you decide to subscribe.   A life-time subscription is available for $399.99.  Occasionally, it is offered for less.  For me the life-time subscription was best since I use Calm all the time.  After a few years, you have paid for it had you done the annual subscriptions fees.  If you have a Prime account with Amazon, you can get three free months with that.  There are several ways to underwrite the subscription.  You just need to do a little investigating.  

Calm had made such a difference in my life.  When I have hit bumps in the road, I can find sessions on Calm that help me through those challenging times.  You can save them in your favorites.  I have so many favorites that I need to edit them since they are all so meaningful to me.    

Your pennies are important to you in your golden years. You need to be wise where you spend them.  For me, the money I have spent on Calm have been money well-spent and has brough me the gift of calm to my soul. 

Silver Foxes

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

Covid was hard for everyone, yet there were also some silver linings for us.  And I mean literally a silver lining.  When we all had to stay home due to the pandemic, women were faced with the dilemma of coloring their own hair or going au naturelle.  I had decided I would go natural!  I colored and highlighted my hair for years, and I wasn’t sure what I would look like with a different color; however, there was no time like the present to check it out.

 So, I began letting my hair grow out.  An Adventure!  A Challenge!   A Mess!!  I could see I had a row of pretty silver at my roots.  I hated that silver streak peeking out each month prior to my hair appointment, but now, it could not grow out fast enough.  I also began cutting my own hair so figured I could cut off all the light brown with blond highlights in a few months, and viola, I would be a silver fox.   At first, I was a calico cat with three colors all over my head. Then I morphed into Cruella Da Ville with a line of white hair circling my head.  Finally, I ended up looking like Mrs. Claus with a lovely shade of platinum.  I found myself doing double takes in the mirror.  Who was that lady?   Well, Mrs. Claus, of course!  

Thankfully, I was housebound with the pandemic and could hide my head of messy hair for the needed time to become a silver fox.  I have come to love my new look and wondered why I didn’t do this earlier.  However, I would have had to leave the country for a few months to hide or fake a maternity leave which would have been a stretch.   So many of my friends have gone au naturelle and are loving it.  It is freeing to embrace who you really are.  And besides, you save a lot of money.  You just need a good hair cut to become the silver fox that you were always meant to be. I get many compliments about my hair color, and one child I have known for a long time told me I looked younger.  He still believes in Santa Claus, so I think he was hedging his bets that I might really be Mrs. Claus. At any rate, I am thankful for the unexpected silver lining of the pandemic and taking the leap of faith!  

Celebrating the Eclipse

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

Cynthia

Celestial events are enthralling, and none more so than a total eclipse of the sun (thank you Don McLean). I was privileged to attend the festivities in Jefferson City, Missouri for the total eclipse in 2017. Let me tell you, they did it up right! Breakfast with some astronauts and NASA representatives, concert, street fair, corn maze, and of course, the blackening of the sky at 1:14:19 pm. I have the t-shirt to prove it!

Fast forward to 2024 and I am limited in my ability to travel due to taking care of my mother who is a hospice patient. So I create “parties” as she calls them – small gatherings to celebrate anything and everything to make life as interesting as possible in confinement. What better day to celebrate than on an eclipse day! Where we live, we expect to see 93% of the eclipse, providing the clouds stay away at 1:45 pm.

I was able to download and print on card stock some games from Creations by Touseeq; Enjoy My Printables; and Plan, Print, and Party all from Etsy.  AAS certified glasses were ordered from Amazon.

 Sun Chips, Eclipse Gum, and Chocolate Covered Sunflower Seeds from Target and Moon Cookie Cakes from Insomnia Cookies rounded out an eclipse-themed menu (see below). Guests included were my aunt and uncle and my cousin. All of us are retired so a Monday luncheon is easy to execute. (I keep the guest list small as mom becomes easily overwhelmed with too much activity.)

A fun little get together to share in a celestial phenomenon that some of us may not see again. One of the many approaches to making life more interesting and giving us something to look forward to. Being creative does not have to mean difficulty. And we are making memories.

2024 Total Eclipse Luncheon

Favors

Eclipse Glasses

Beverages

Sun Tea

Capri Sun

Food

Eclipse [Eggplant] Pizzettes

Crescent Moon Sandwiches[1]

Light and Dark Salad[2]

Celestial Slaw[3]

Sun Chips

Dessert

Moon Cookie cake

Ice Cream planets

[1] Chicken Salad / Tuna Salad / Lunchmeat Build Your Own

[2] Corn and Black Bean Salad

[3] Purple and Green Cabbage Slaw

Welcome

by sssmahh303, posted in Uncategorized

Mary Ann and Cynthia

As you begin reading our blogs, you probably wonder why we decided to write them.  When the Covid pandemic locked Americans in their homes, we were in contact with one another checking on each other’s well-being.  Cynthia had recently retired and within months began to care for her elderly mother.  Mary Ann had also recently retired, moved to a different state, and lost her father right in time for Covid.  Neither of our retirements were turning out as we had envisioned.  

Since we were house bound with the pandemic, we decided to contact one another through emails, texts, and ZOOM visits to share a daily creative endeavor. Those contacts grew and grew over the next four years, and we birthed the idea of turning those exchanges into blogs that we would share with others.  

We began writing blogs recording our thoughts and learning how to put them on WordPress. This was all good for the brain! We chose the name Silver Sage Sisters – Silver for being women of a certain age; Sage for wisdom, experience, and knowledge; and Sisters for the bond that women have with each other.  

We had some things to say and wanted to share them with other women.  Women of a certain age will understand our mutual experiences.  We hope that younger women can learn from our hard-earned life lesson and grow from them.  

Our blogs will be about family and friends, finance, some legal issues, retirement, reviews (books, TV, films, products, and services), and general lifestyle ideas that include holidays, travel, hobbies, decorating, and miscellaneous topics.  At times, guest contributors will provide additional content and alternative ideas.

We do not pretend to have all the answers. We are not providing professional advice or consult, rather these blogs are our opinions and our experiences. We don’t proclaim to be experts, just women who have lived long lives. We want to bring you glimmers — a term for joyful and peaceful moments coined by psychotherapist Deb Dana.  The world is full of so much negativity and many challenges. We are hoping, instead, to bring some positivity and good ideas into your lives.  We are simply passing on some of our hard-learned lessons.  Welcome to the Silver Sage Sisters blog!