Category: Taking Care of Business

I have always been a planner. While I would like to be much more spontaneous, I find solace in the little bit of control I get by planning ahead. Not that things always work out exactly as planned, but at least I have a sense of where I am heading. One such planning activity is menus.

As a young professional and single mother, time was not abundant. Once a month I would sit down and plan what we would eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the month. Often, I used cookbooks as I wanted to ensure I was providing healthy, nutritious, tasty meals for my daughter while taking full advantage of all the groceries I purchased. At that time I would buy large packages of individually frozen chicken breasts, which saved time and money.

Developing the practice of menu planning at a young age served me well. I learned to be creative in my cooking, not wanting to waste any food. Fast forward to today and I still want to use everything I purchase.  The old wives’ saying “Waste Not, Want Not” holds true as grocery prices continue to rise.  Of course this only works if one actually cooks. Which I do.

When planning a menu, I peruse one or two cookbooks. I have so many that it becomes too confusing to use several at a time. While jotting down lunch and dinner ideas, I note ingredients I will need to pick up at the grocery store. I use an app on my phone called “To Do” which is free from Microsoft.  It is actually a list-making app, but I use it mainly for my grocery needs. When I open the last of something I use often (mayonnaise, for example) I immediately add it to my grocery list. Otherwise I won’t remember when heading to the store. I don’t like to run out of necessities.

The whole point of menu planning is not to be rigid. I always have standbys such as stir-fries on rice or quinoa, vegetable soup, enchiladas of all kinds, and pasta. But I like variety, too. When it’s time for dinner, I look at my menu for the week/month and select the dish that calls to me, knowing all the ingredients are on hand.

The bonus of menu planning is taking the list to the grocery store.  I stick to my list, for the most part, and avoid picking up items that then go bad before I figure out how or when to use them.

After dinner if there is enough left over, I carefully prepare it for the freezer. In that way, I have food prepared when I am not in the mood to cook. Therefore, I often shop my freezer while menu planning, too!

Planning ahead takes the question out of what’s for dinner. And having all the components on hand makes for smooth sailing … er, a … easy cooking.

Mary Ann

When you think of Fairy Godmothers, you think of pumpkins turning into carriages, white mice turning into horses, and rags turning into ball gowns with the swipe of magic wand.  Those Fairy Godmothers do not exist except in fairy tales.  However, there are real-life Fairy Godmothers just waiting to be found in our lives.

My Fairy Godmother is Mimi.  She is 11 years older than I am.  She is my wise women who I turn to when I have a problem or need some advice about life.  She has helped with health issues like menopause questions or issues I may be having with my children.  She always has some gentle words to guide me, always encouraging and inspiring.  We are friends who share books to read, recipes to cook or bake, or souvenirs from travels.  Mimi is a lady who I look up to and just knowing she is there for me brings peace to my soul.  Her presence is an anchor in my life even though we live a half a country apart. I just hope she know that I treasure her.

I think each of us need to become Fairy Godmothers to younger women in our lives.  They need to have women who they can turn to when life gets challenging.  It is so easy to become isolated today that one thinks that you are the only one having a particular problem.  In years pass, women would talk over their backyard fences to a neighbor to get that sisterly advice about life.  With families living all over the country and even the world, you may not have a mother or an aunt living nearby, so younger women need to find Fairy Godmothers currently in their lives. A problem shared is a problem halved as the old saying goes.  Those relationships with intergenerational women can last a lifetime and enrich both of the parties.  Each of the younger women should in turn become the Fairy Godmothers of the future. The experiences are almost as good as a pumpkin becoming a carriage. There is magic in those special relationships! Put some abracadabra in your life!  

Mary Ann

Most women at one point or another in their lives become invisible.  As we age, we begin to fade, not just our looks, but who we are.  At times it feels like we have disappeared.  It may be at a meeting when your suggestion is just ignored and then the idea becomes one of the other men’s ideas a day later, or a man is given a position even though the woman was more qualified.  You see it, and you feel it.  It is not your imagination.  

This became apparently clear to me while I was working in NYC.  I was in Starbucks in a long line awaiting to place my Chai Latte order.  As we moved forward, I noticed a very pretty, young lady behind me. The line moved, and I was up next. The male barista didn’t take my order.  He completely ignored me and began to take the pretty girl’s order who was behind me.  I stood there with my mouth opened – in shock – and finally said, “I was next.  She is pretty, but I was next.”  He then took my order without an apology.  He did not see me!  I realized at that moment that I was experiencing what many women have experienced – invisibility! 

Every person, man or woman, should be treated with respect.  As we get older, we should be honored as the elders in the society.  However, we are not.  No wonder women chase the fountain of youth. Have you ever seen those postings on phone news where they show a picture of a former famous actress as an old lady.  Most recently it was Cybil Shepherd. Really, her only fault is she just grew old.  We all do.  However, is it necessary to stalk these older women to get those pictures?  It is done with men as well, but women dominate these pictures. It is sad.

Caroline Criado Perez’s book, Invisible Women, explores the data bias in a world designed for men.  She is British but uses data from all around the world.  Whether it is medical research or the workplace or even transportation, the male perspective is the default in a world that is 50% women.  In many ways you are invisible just for being a woman, and it intensifies as you age.  Invisible Women is academically based, but it is quite readable.  You will identify with much of the book should you want to explore this topic even further. 

 A lot must change for there to be equality, and this won’t suddenly happen. I once read in USA Today that it would take 1000 years for the world to be equal for both men and women.  There would be equal numbers of women and men in Congress or half of the CEO would be women and the like.  It is getting better, but it is at a snail’s pace.  When that happens, women may no longer be invisible.  However, a thousand years is a long time to become visible, and we have no choice but to move forward.  

If you are like me, not much arrives in the mailbox these days. My bills have been paid through automatic withdrawal for years – decades, really. Granted, I do enjoy sending cards now and then, and a few things require paper copies. Still, one would think the mailbox would get lonely.

We all know, however, that is not the case. Each day when looking at email, I peruse my Informed Delivery notification. (Informed Delivery is free through the USPS and tells me what to expect each day, including packages that are in transit via the US Postal Service.) When I see the delivery includes flyers, coupons, political announcements, and so on, I know I don’t have to worry about picking up the mail right away. On the other hand, if there is something personal or on rare occasions financially related, I make a point to walk down the driveway soon after Al, my postal carrier, leaves treasures in the mailbox (Occasionally, I leave him goodies, too!)

After many years of online activity, I still receive junk mail. Not as much as I did in the past, because I have registered not to receive it. Some things get through. Ever wonder why you get so much junk?

The USPS terms this “marketing mail” which is a bulk service for printed matter, flyers, circulars, advertising, newsletters, bulletins, catalogs, and even small parcels. These pieces are not charged the first-class rate, since they are sent by volume.  There is no such thing as single-piece marketing mail. Did you know low-rate advertising mail was first available in 1845? No wonder there is so much of it!

There is a way to reduce the amount of junk mail you receive. (Note, I said reduce). Interestingly, you can register up to three email addresses for free at dmachoice.org. Registration lasts for ten years. Yet, for “snail mail” the fee is $6, termed an administrative fee. Registration requires creating an account with an email address and password. Once your information is entered, including Pay Pal or a credit card number, your registration is good for 10 years.  You will receive an email confirmation.

You can also register to stop promotional mail for a deceased person. The fee is $5. The USPS uses dmachoice.org for this purpose, especially if the deceased person lived at an address where others still reside.

So, if you want to reduce the unwanted promotional and marketing mail, register your address with dmachoice.org . Or, just enjoy the walk to the mailbox and recycle the junk.

One of the most efficient “tools” I learned while making my way through coaching school was the act of dealing with Tolerations.  Admit it. There are some things that we just “put up with.” Most of the time those things are minute – they would not take much effort if we would just take the time to deal with them. Yet, we prefer to let them sit while we do other things that are more interesting, more enjoyable, or that we consider more pressing.

The challenge with Tolerations is that the longer we ignore them, the worse they become. Mary Ann once gave me a magnet that simply states “A year from now, what will you wish you had done today?”  While the probable thought behind this statement is goal setting, I interpret it as dealing with the little things, too.

Tolerations can be anything that sits in the back of your mind. It may be a stack of papers on your desk, a letter that needs to be written, a closet that needs to have clothes weeded out, a plant with dying leaves, a picture waiting to be hung, a phone call yet to be made, a spot on the carpet, a ….

You get the idea.

Take a moment to think about a few things that silently urge you to attend to them. You know you have some! What are they?  And how do you move forward? Let me share a few of my strategies.

Make a game of it. Do you remember the 1950s television show “Beat the Clock?” Contestants were challenged to complete a task within a specified time frame to win prizes. The show actually began as a radio show in 1948 and was called Time’s A-Wastin’.  Isn’t that what we are doing by procrastinating? Estimate the amount of time it will take to complete the task at hand; figure out some kind of reward for yourself if you complete the task within your given time; and begin. You may find challenging yourself to compete with the clock is a fun way to deal with your Toleration.

Solicit help. Sometimes it is more fun to work alongside a friend or family member. Talk to someone about what you need to accomplish. Ask the person if s/he has a task that s/he is putting off. Agree to help each other complete the respective tasks. In this way you are somewhat holding each other accountable while enjoying each other’s company AND completing your tasks.

List it. Personally, I am a list maker. Yep!  Sometimes I enjoy checking things off my list so much, that I will add the task to my list if it doesn’t appear there, just so I can check it off! Crazy, I know. But often when I tell people I do this, they nod and admit they do it too! Check.

Deadlines – real or created. Nothing is more motivating for me to deal with things around the house than when I am hosting a dinner or event. Sometimes things must be completed before a certain date (taxes, for instance. Ugh). At other times you may just give yourself a deadline – get the car serviced before winter kicks in; or vacuum the baseboards before the pest control people come to spray.

Given these suggestions, you may have other strategies for motivating yourself to deal with those things that are eating at you. Regardless of the method you use, I would bet completing those tasks and eliminating your tolerations will give you a feeling of accomplishment and relief. Now, I have to go deal with a few things …

Why do people make charitable contributions in December?  To lessen the tax burden, the time of year makes no difference. If your cash donations are significant enough to count as an income tax deduction, they are reported for the year, thus January through December.  Still, Nonprofit Source reports that one-third of all cash contributions to non-profit organizations are received in December. Ten percent of all giving comes in the last three days of the year. According to Bloomerang, nearly half of not-for-profit revenue arrives from October through December.

One reason people wait may be due to a heightened awareness of need as the days become shorter (at least in terms of daylight) and the weather is cooler. Holidays lighten our spirits, and we become more thoughtful of the needs of others. We reflect on the bounties we enjoyed during the year and want to “give back.”  And for high-income earners, their net pay may be higher due to caps on annual federal payments or year-end bonuses.

Many people who make charitable contributions have specific organizations they like to support. If you wonder how the not-for-profit uses your donation, several organizations monitor nonprofit organizations and their financial well-being.  I have used GuideStar to review nonprofits’ financial health and other data.  GuideStar houses data for almost three million nonprofits. Doing your research gives you peace of mind, knowing how charities rank based on effectiveness or efficiency.
They review donors, volunteers, and administration of these organizations.  In most cases, the nonprofit organizations self-report but in some cases the reviewing organization does its own research. GuideStar, Charity Navigator, Givewell, and Great Nonprofits are a few.

Remember local charities, also. There are groups to which I donate lightly used items throughout the year, but often forget they also need cash to support their missions.

Importantly, one should know about the health, status, and focus of the organization to which you are donating.  Don’t go strictly by the name of the organization, assuming their work focuses only on the needs in their name. Personify WildApricot states that two-thirds of donors do not do their research!

I have recently joined a nonprofit organization whose sole purpose is to donate large sums to other nonprofits.  The idea is that I can make a donation which of course is appreciated; however, when several of us pool our money, we can make larger donations ($100,000) to a few nonprofits.  With that kind of money, their agendas are better supported, and their dreams get a huge kick start. The impact of each large donation makes a huge difference in our community. Of course a nonprofit must apply for the grant and rise to the top of a well-designed vetting and evaluation process.

People and organizations are stretched thin financially. As we consider our hard-earned dollars going to help others, we want to feel confident that the money truly helps make a difference. With a little research and a big heart, even a few dollars will make a difference. So large or small, carefully give as you are moved to do so, knowing your contribution is sincerely appreciated.

Last May, Mary Ann posted about dostadning – the Swedish art of death cleaning. The idea is to free oneself from clutter – to let go. It’s a way to take control of one’s surroundings, freeing future generations for having to deal with one’s “treasures.”

Having cared for my mother for more than six years, I appreciated her lack of sentimentality. She had no clutter in her home. Still, when I had to sell her house, it took some effort to distribute her belongings among siblings (hers and mine), donations, and garbage.  From that point forward I thought of what my poor daughter would have to deal with if I suddenly dropped dead!

My goodies are organized, as I have mentioned before. Still, the inventory of the labeled storage tubs, the multiple sets of dishes, the outrageously full closet of office supplies, and all the collectibles and art will be overwhelming with which to deal.

I enjoy my “stuff”! And I use it. However, lately I have begun to be able to part with things.  I remember a conversation with my executive coach several years ago. I had decorated my dining room and formal living room with female art. My comment to him was that it seemed I didn’t allow space for a man in my life. His reflection was this: “when the time is right, you will make room.”  I have not forgotten because this simple observation was meaningful to me.  And guess what. The time is now right.

Not for a man in my life, but for letting go.  Without trying I have come to the conclusion that I don’t need … or even want … all the stuff. All of the sudden I am ready to relinquish my hold on items that were dear to me in the past.  Frankly, it is a relief!

I know at some point I will want to live in a senior village and will not be able to take a houseful and a lifetime of trinkets, décor, and entertainment pieces. I am finding it satisfying to find people who want my things or organizations who can sell it to support their cause.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I have more than enough to keep me busy for a few years of cleaning, boxing, organizing, and distributing.  Yet I feel lighter already knowing that things my younger self enjoyed no longer have a hold on me.  The time is right. Rest assured, you will be able to let go, too … when you are Ready. Set. You’ll Let Go!

We all have heard it before. We watch in awe as the nightly new reports on yet another person falling for a financial scam. We think how can people be so stupid? How can people be so unware?! Well, it’s easy to be a victim of scams these days.

Scammers are becoming more and more sophisticated at their jobs.  Yes, their jobs. These people have perfected their craft. They are trained to the most minute detail in the art of building trust with the victim before cleaning them out. And the real kicker, is they are not exactly doing anything illegal. Certainly the perpetrators are unethical. But in the eyes of the financial industry, you are complicit. Therefore, banks will not help you recover your funds – money you “willingly” gave to a stranger.

Most of us get text messages and/or emails from our banks when a potentially unauthorized charge or withdrawal comes from our bank accounts or credit cards. Scammers use this fact to prey on people’s concern.  A scammer’s text usually comes from a legitimate-looking phone number rather than the five-digit coded number of automatic messaging. They can spoof your bank’s number.

Scammers will ask you in the text to respond Y or 1 if the charge is yours; N or 2 if it is not. Of course they know it is not your charge; they made it up. Once you unthinkingly respond, they immediately call, saying they are from the fraud department of your bank and that someone is trying to get into your account. They may say they are already working with the FBI. They may say someone at the bank is suspected to be in cahoots with the illegal activity.  Now, your concern is heightened and you want to work with the person who is being helpful and trying to protect your interests. They have you!

They will tell you – for your protection – that they have created a new account for you. They ask you to load the account number on your phone’s wallet.  Then withdraw cash from your bank account or credit card and deposit the money at an ATM just outside the bank. Next you are instructed to delete the account from your phone’s wallet as this was a temporary card and a new one has been issued, which you will receive in the mail in a few days.

If you do everything that is suggested, the bank considers this your choice.  You can file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission and your local police department but don’t expect to see your money again.

All of this sounds incredible. However, people are being scammed every day. Some people have lost in the six figures! The scammers are becoming more and more sophisticated.  Our best defense is to remember always be present in the moment.  Answer texts only when you know the person sending.  Never engage in a conversation with an unsolicited caller. And banks and other financial institutions will never ask you to withdraw your money, especially in cash.

Awareness is the best defense.

Mary Ann

My family is a family of collectors!  We love the thrill of the “chase” for that next piece.  My brother use to say as we pulled up to a flea market, “Are you salivating yet?”  We were, so the quest began! 

There is a saying that is the ethos of my family.  If you have one of anything, it is a sample.  If you have two of something, you a sample and a backup should the sample break.  And if you have three of something, you have a collection.  We live by that saying.   

We are hunters and gathers by nature that is deep in our DNA, and I think it translates to collecting in modern times.  It is fun to wile away the hours on a weekend jaunt to a flea market or an antique mall or investigating local garage sales.  And when you find a treasure that you have been searching for, the joy is indescribable!  Whatever the price, it is cheaper than therapy and so much more fun!

When I was little, my mother would take my brother and me with her on her treasure hunting.  I hated it. I was soooooo bored.  I swore that I would not have antiques in my home, or I would never collect anything.  However, I did have a stamp collection and porcelain dog collection.  Then, of course, there was Barbie.  Around the time I turned 25, I had an epiphany – antiques are beautiful!  The collecting began, and I never looked back.  My mother started buying 3 of everything – antique rolling pins or potato mashers or whatever.  I couldn’t get enough.  My brother was far ahead of me.  He and his partner have a gigantic Fiesta Ware collection that pales anything I have

So, the house filled, and I collected doorstops, chocolate molds, napkin rings, all kinds of kitchen items, baskets, crocks, rug beaters, opera glasses, prints, post cards, sheet music, baby items, doorknobs, linens, quilts, book markers, antique jewelry and bags, old cameras, bamboo furniture, Annalee dolls, and a huge collection of Candlewick that fills two big cabinets.  I am sure I am missing some. I know I have a problem, and what is funny, I am now downsizing many of the collections in my Swedish Death Cleaning.  

My children or grandchildren will not want most of the items.  I might as well sell the collections if I can get a good price.  You must find a buyer, however. Case in point is my Barbie.  I was older when Barbie came on the scene.  I took very good care of the doll, her clothes, her furniture, and accessories.  I then carried her around the country with me for 60 plus years.  I finally decide to sell her. I got two appraisals, so I had some idea of her value.  A toy dealer is now selling her for me.  She hasn’t found a new home yet!   

Ebay and other like sites are now the new marketplace.  It is fun to peruse the various sites, and I have found items on them.  However, there is something missing when you cannot touch an item as you hunt for pieces.  Many young people are beginning to have epiphanies themselves about the beauty of antiques and the thrill of collecting.  It fits well with sustainability and is helping the earth.  Do you really need flimsy Ikea furniture when you can have solid wooden furniture with dove-tailed drawers and gorgeous patina?  Old furniture was made to last.   

Women of certain age understand this.  For many of us, we are the keepers of the family treasures.  The antiques are passed down and stop with us.  Then what? You debate to find new homes among the relatives or keep it because it is piece of your family.   I finally have concluded that I am going to enjoy my collections, my antiques as long as I can.  Whoever gets the pieces afterwards, even if they are not family, will be people who really want them.  It will be a fellow collector, and could that be any better?  

Note – There are some good collection books available that will give you ideas for collections and how to display them.  Collections Projects & Ideas from Better Homes and Garden, Collector’s Style, Decorating With the Things You Love from Better Homes and Garden, and Victoria’s The Art of Collecting, Personal Treasures That Make a Home by Melissa Lester.  There are many books on a particular collection such as Fiesta Ware.  They will give you in depth info on your collections.

Ah.  It’s the time of year that television advertisements show senior adults in “granny” gowns acting confused about medical insurance.  We are incessantly bombarded with flyers in the mail, radio advertisements, and in some cases, door-knockers.  Yes, I am talking about the Medicare Open enrollment period which runs from October 15 through December 7.

Okay. I jest, a bit. Understanding your medical insurance plans is important, especially as we continue to age. Each year, it seems, something additional goes haywire in our bodies. Recently when dining with three other female friends, we laughed as we talked about groaning when we sit or stand.  Then, we all got up from the booth in which we were sitting and sure enough – each of us made noises. Then we all laughed.

Yet, our need for the right insurance is no laughing matter. Knowing which plan is the right one for our individual needs – current and anticipated – is a challenge.  One way to begin to make sense of our options is the Medicare and You publication. It is the government’s official guide to Medicare. This handbook is created each year to inform Medicare recipients of changes in their coverage.

I received my e-handbook in September as I had signed up last year for an electronic copy, rather than having the thick pamphlet sitting on my desk for months before I finally flipped through it and then recycled the book I didn’t read from last year.  Signing up for the electronic copy is easy.  Log into your Medicare account and select My account settings.  If you don’t have an online account, you can create one.

Under the Email and document settings section, select Edit next to Medicare & You Handbook. Then under “How do you want to get your Medicare & You Handbook?”  Select Electronically.  Remember to Save Changes.  And there you go!

According to the website, Medicare & You provides information about Medicare benefits, costs, rights, and protections; Health and drug plans; and Answers to common questions. See https://www.medicare.gov/medicare-and-you . The guide is 128 pages.  It is easy to read and quite informative.

At this point you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking, “Really?!”  Admittedly this is not as riveting as a favorite novel genre or catching up on stats of your favorite sports teams. We don’t always think about medical insurance coverage …. until we actually need it.  But as we continue to age, it is comforting to know that our medical insurance will help us through those times when our health isn’t as it used to be in “the good ol’ days.”