I remember observing my mother and all her friends. She had more friends than most, I believe, or maybe it was just a simpler time when women had time to develop relationships with other women. Mom had friends from church, from a civic group, from a non-profit sorority, and probably other organizations. She lived in the same city for over 40 years and as she added friends to her fold, she kept the ones she already had.
Mom would sing the children’s song to us: “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.” The tune still plays in my head. The advice is solid.
Even after I moved my mother to live with me when she experienced a series of mini strokes, her friends would drive over an hour to visit her. They would send cards and letters. They would call each other. Many a day I hosted her friends for “coffee”, brunch, lunch, or “tea”. Likewise, I drove her to see friends or attend her “church lady group” on days she felt well enough. It was a joy to see their friendship in action – truly an inspiration.
My friend circle, however, is narrower — likely the result of rearing a child as a single parent and working full-time as a professional. Developing friendships was more challenging because time was limited. I did try several times over the years but many of those efforts fizzled out as being the one who always “made the call” or having to schedule weeks or months in advance were exhausting.
Once I retired, I resolved to put more effort into developing friendships. While these are not lifelong relationships, they are nevertheless resulting in strong bonds.
Recently I scheduled a “procedure” as the medical community likes to call them – not a full-blown surgery but more than a visit to the doctor’s office. A requirement of this procedure was to have someone drive me and be present during the procedure. Initially, I was at a loss as to who I would ask. My daughter had just returned to work after being out for month for surgery of her own. My grandchildren have limited time off, as they are early in their careers. I would have to turn to a friend.
I mentioned the procedure to a friend who immediately offered to take me. Just like that! Without asking the day or time, she volunteered to deal with me! So, I was set. Waiting for the day to arrive, a few more ladies learned of the procedure and every one of them offered to take me. One new friend even offered her husband as she does not drive!
What a blessing to have friends who will go the extra mile! We all need others. Often, we are told that as we age, socialization is vitally important. Yet, having someone to count on also is necessary. Sometimes we must be the one to reach out first …. and again. In the long run, developing new friendships, even as seniors, has so many benefits. And it is nice to know they are there for you when you need them.
