Nagomi

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

A few days ago I reflected on the goal of having purpose in one’s life, giving meaning.   I guess I have entered a reflective period as today I am thinking of the philosophy of balance and achieving a harmonious life.  In Japanese culture, this concept is nagomi.

Kevin Dickinson on Big Think describes nagomi as “blending seemingly disparate elements until they form a unified, harmonious whole.”  This sounds like a delightful perspective, yet a challenging concept to implement.  How do we maintain our values and morals and achieve peace in a world that consistently throws negativity, anger, and opposition at us?

Kenichiro Mogi, has written a book describing how the Japanese have internalized a life perspective that helps achieve personal balance. It is about harmony, sustainability, and being agreeable. Ken suggests that Japanese people are “very good at being successful but at the same time keeping a low profile.”

In their food, for example, mixing elements from different origins yields delicious dishes. Mogi gives the example of Katsu curry. The cutlet is a French meat dish, the curry is Indian, and rice is Japanese.  Bringing together these disparate elements into one satisfying meal offers pleasure which in turns provides a sense of satisfaction. This example while simple is not meant to trivialize the concept of nagomi.

Mogi, a senior researcher at Sony Labs, is also a visiting professor at the University of Tokyo. In his book he presents how nagomi is manifested in nine areas of life: relationships, food, health, self, society, nature, creativity, and lifelong learning. He offers examples of nagomi in each of these areas.

I found this an interesting concept and fundamentally similar to my own Seven Wheels model for balanced living. Rather than nine focus areas, the model I developed has, well, seven. They are labeled: Physical, Emotional, Professional, Relationships, Self Expression, Intellectual, and Spiritual. Of course each area has a depth that is not fully described in the naming convention. My annual goal setting touches each of these facets to ensure I am achieving well-rounded experiences.

At times, it is easy to spend all your energy in one aspect of your life, only to discover later that something is missing. To achieve equanimity we move gently back into those areas we have neglected. Doing so brings our lives into balance. We realize that the whole is more effective than the sum of the parts. Thus, we find ourselves more balanced and our lives in harmony with our environment.

I guess it somewhat boils down to a positive and focused outlook on life.  I recall a song from childhood – you may have sung it, also. “This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine.”

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

Purpose and Meaning

by Cynthia, posted in Taking Care of Business

Many people find themselves at retirement without a clue as to what comes next. Most people believe they have planned for retirement. Money has been socked away. Investments made. Assets inventoried and in a lot of cases homes are debt free. Retirement planning often has singularly focused on the financial wellness of our expected work-free life.

We may even have had random thoughts about “when I retire I will …” travel, spend more time with family and friends, read more, garden, and so on. Yet, how often did we truly think about how we would spend each day? More importantly, how many people thought about their purpose in life.  Has one’s purpose changed as we no longer have the role as a professional.

Personally, I never defined myself by my job. Still, leading a team as a university executive gave me some level of purpose.  I knew what I would be doing Monday through Friday, and frankly all week. I knew for several hours each day others depended on me to show up, make decisions, support and encourage, and lead. I was visible in the community, sitting on numerous non-profit boards, volunteering, and fund-raising.

Admittedly, as I reached my 60s, I was tired. I was ready to slow down, to step aside and let the younger people take the responsibility. I planned a two-week vacation, leaving two days after my last day of work, knowing that on Monday morning I may wonder “what shall I do today?” Still, it didn’t occur to me that after a few weeks of not being required to be somewhere, for someone day in and day out, that I might need some direction in my life.

Twenty years ago I bought – or was given — The Second Half of Life by Angeles Arrien. The assumption is that once we reach age 50 it is time to begin to reflect on our lives – what has been and what will be. At 50, I was still extremely active, healthy, and out to conquer the world. The book was placed on the bookshelf and left unopened until recently. Now, glancing through it I find a reflective, spiritual orientation to what to do with my life as I journey toward and through the final transition. The golden gate. But I digress.

Dr. Robert Butler, the first director of the National Institute on Aging, led a study on the correlation of life expectancy with individuals who had a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives. He and his collaborators found that people lived longer and were healthier when they felt their sense of purpose.  Since that 2014 study, numerous additional studies have been conducted that validate these results.

Richard Leider, who is reputed to be one of the leading executive coaches in America, has created a questionnaire that offers an individual insight into his or her sense of purpose.  If you are interested in exploring this approach, you can find the survey at this link:

Click to access The-Purpose-Checkup.pdf

Your purpose need not be grandiose. Your purpose in life is a part of who you are – your values, morals, interests. It is found within you.  Living as your authentic self, spending your time and energy on those things that “put you in your happy place” leads to a happier you.  Whatever you enjoy and engage in, living your purpose will give your life meaning.

The Year of the Penguin

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann 

Every year to celebrate Earth Day, Disney with National Geographic produces a nature film on a particular animal – elephants or big cats or polar bears.  This year they did a three-part series on penguins – such delightful little creatures!  Their very survival is a challenge in every aspect.  Yet, they seem to do it with such a good attitude, a lesson for us all.  

There was also another film this spring about a penguin that was both charming and captivating.  The Penguin Lessons is a true story about a professor, Tom Michell, from an elite boy’s school, St. George’s, in Argentina during a fascist regime in the 1970s.  The professor, a bit of a curmudgeon, is adopted by a penguin that he saves from an oil spill while on a trip to Uruguay.    When you are claimed by penguin as one of his peeps, you do not have much choice but to bring it home with you.  This is where the story unfolds.

The penguin, Juan Salvador, captures the hearts of everyone he encounters, even taming Michell’s unruly English class. Juan Salvador is a great listener to Michell, the cleaning lady Maria, and eventually the headmaster himself.  It was time to end the no pet rule.  Michell played by Steve Coogan and Jonathan Pryce as Headmaster Buckle are naturals for these leading roles and masterfully portray their characters.  However, Juan Salvador steals the show in every scene he is in. 

This film is far from an animal special.  There is an underlying story of the plight of the Argentinian people during a dictatorship.  Thousands of people disappeared off the streets and were never seen again.  This storyline is portrayed by Maria the cleaning lady and her granddaughter Sofia, a political activist, giving other penguin lessons that are applicable to our world today.

I love independent films – good stories, fine acting, low budget, and usually smacking with charm in one way or another.  For the most part they are shown in small, unique theaters throughout the country from the Angelika in NYC to local renovated ones, often a hidden gem, in your local community.  You should seek one out to see films like The Penguin Lessons and feel the magic in the dark.   

Gratitude

by Cynthia, posted in Lifestyle

For what are you grateful today?

Today I am grateful for the ability to write what is on my mind and to share it with others whom I have never met. Today I am grateful for my health, while it isn’t at the level it was even five years ago, I am able to get up each morning and go about my daily habits. Today I am grateful that I have clean water to drink, a comfortable home in which to live, and healthy food on my table.  I could go on and on. My heart is full of gratitude today.

Pondering the concept of gratitude I realize how often we compare ourselves to others and think “why can’t I have ____ “. Recently I was reminded of how far we have come in a society based on electronics. I observe young people with their faces constantly in their phones and their mantras of “I don’t make enough money,” and “I’m not thin enough” or “my face isn’t as clear as I want it to be” and this list grows. We have learned to compare ourselves and our lives to the others, as they have posted online.

This led me to remember the COVID-19 lockdown, which was five years ago, now.  There is no denying the disease was horrible for many, many people. WHO reports an excess mortality rate of three million people, worldwide, 1.8 million deaths were reported from 2020 alone. Worldometer reported more than seven million deaths by mid-April 2024.  Reports are no longer being updated as reporting has almost stopped.  Some health care workers say the reporting was inaccurate. Still, we cannot deny the epidemic was frightening and life-threatening for many.

Why do I drop this bomb in the middle of a discussion on gratefulness? Because many people stayed healthy throughout the epidemic. I note that as devastating as the lockdown was for individuals and our economy, those of us left to complain can’t seem to let go. It occurred to me how lucky I am to live in a country that cared enough for “my” well-being, that everything they knew to do at the time was done to protect me and my family.  As good parents do for their ungrateful children, our country made decisions based on the knowledge leaders had at the time. We do not know what would have been different had we not limited our face-to-face interactions. But that is behind us now. Instead of complaining about how my life changed due to those couple of years, I am grateful to live in a country where I can voice my opinion, choose to vaccinate or not, and continue to live my life.

Today I am grateful to have intelligent, caring friends with whom I can discuss issues on which we disagree and remain respectful and appreciative of our relationships. I am grateful for the United States Postal Service that will take a card across the country to let a friend or family member know I am thinking of them.  I am grateful for Amazon, the warehouse workers and the delivery drivers who bring things right to my doorstep.

I am grateful that I can sit outside or stay in – that I have a choice. I am grateful when my grands help clear the table and clean the kitchen or carry out the garbage. I am grateful for my niece who occasionally and randomly sends me a text message just to let me know she is thinking about me.

I am grateful that I have learned not only to be grateful, but to have the ability to think about gratitude.  It lifts my spirits, even to the point of making me smile. In each of our lives every day there is something for which we can be grateful, if only we take a moment to name it.  For what are you grateful today?

Double Names

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

When I was born mid-century, now an antique, double names were in vogue – Debbie Sue or Barbara Ann.  I was named after my grandmother, Mary, and there was a great, great grandmother who was named Mary Ann. I did not have a middle name.  However, the entire world for my entire life has tried to make me a Mary and Ann as my middle name.  I have never felt like a Mary.  I am Mary Ann.

For the most part I could correct my name by raising my hand or changing my name on the back of a document sent to me – you know, put corrections on the back. I tried using my maiden name as a middle name and the Ann was still dropped.  

I lived like this for most of my life until Social Security suddenly began to call me Mary.  For years, they used Mary Ann.  I guess with a new computer system or whatever, they dropped the Ann.   It is interesting to be in a Social Security office and have they tell you your name is Mary and you tell them no, it is not.  Sorry, that is how your state has registered your birth so we must use that. Oh, NO!!

Social Security then sent me to the courts to change my name.  The judge looked at my birth certificate and said you can’t change your name to your name.  Then he sent me on my way.  This was a bit frustrating.  I went to see my Congressional Representative.  Of course, I didn’t see him, but I got a staffer who was most helpful.   They told me to bring my parents to the local office, and they could verify what my name was.  My ninety-year-old parents went with me to the office.  They told the staff that I was a Mary Ann with no middle name.  The paperwork was completed, and my name was submitted as MaryAnn, no space.  A month or so later, I received a new birth certificate.  I then submitted it to Social Security, and they finally accepted it using my correct name. 

Thankfully, my parents were alive to help me correct my name.  I am not sure what I would have had to do if they were not.  I guess I would have had to hire a lawyer and go back to court.  For the most part, things have been better now since I have done the change.  When I get mail now, those who address me as Mary do not know me, and I pay no attention to the correspondence.  

Naming your child is one of the biggest responsibilities a parent has.  There are so many things to consider.  Does the name have more than one spelling?  Is it easy to pronounce?    Do the initials spell something weird?  Are you going to give an extremely long name to your child?  Think of a first grader learning to spell his or her name. It will take them forever to do this.  Sometimes a baby name doesn’t age well, and conversely, an adult name can be a heavy thing for little shoulders to carry.  Be mindful if you give a double name to your child.  Make it one word if you can such as Annamarie or Marianne. You can also add a hyphen – this is called a double barrel name and is common in many countries such as the UK.  Just know if you don’t, you are giving your child a lifetime of hoops to jump through.  I am living proof!

Some countries in the world actually have restrictions on naming children.  However, the United States is known as the naming wild west – anything goes. Elon Musk has used digits to name one of his children – XAEA-12.   According to the Social Security records, Olivia and Liam are the top USA names for this past year – easy in every way! 

I have just purchased my headstone, and I made sure that my name was correctly spelled as I want it.  I don’t want to go into eternity with the wrong name planted above me!  It has been a bit of hell on earth for me fighting constantly to correct my name.  I would like to rest in peace!!

Gazpacho

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

My first encounter with cold soup was the tomato concoction that originated in Andalusia, Spain known as gazpacho. Traditionally, as I understand it, gazpacho comprises tomatoes, bell peppers, onion, cucumber, and bread with a vinegar and oil, all blended together. Made this way, gazpacho can be eaten with a spoon or enjoyed as a smoothie-type drink.

The recipes in many of my cookbooks, however, do not blend the ingredients, rather they leave small chunks of the summer vegetables giving the soup “tooth.” This way is my preference – I want something to chew!

My brother would tease me saying, “I ordered gazpacho at a restaurant once, but it was cold when the server brought it.” ha ha.

Over the years I have delighted in making fresh gazpacho and keeping it in the refrigerator for several days. When working in the yard or just coming home from a day out in the heat, there is nothing as refreshing as a bowl full of cold veggies. And with all the yummy ingredients I can get my daily dose of vegetables in one bowl.

While I have always told my granddaughter that a recipe is a suggestion, I have always combined and followed recipes from three cookbooks to make mine. I had not been very adventurous beyond the basic ingredients. This year I thought I was very clever.

This gazpacho has tomatoes, celery, onion, garlic, parsley, red wine vinegar, olive oil, vegetable juice and a touch a cayenne. I added sweet and crunchy watermelon radishes and some chickpeas for protein. I was out of cucumbers, which usually find their way into the soup. Avocado chunks are used as garnish to complete the meal. Bread has never been in my summer soup of choice.

Being very proud of myself, I looked on-line to see what the professionals are doing with gazpacho. Authentic recipes abound yet a wealth of “best” and “most refreshing” gazpachos yielded soups that veered from the traditional.  Some people have added hot sauce, zucchini, various herbs, and even watermelon! I guess I’m not so smart after all.

However you decided to make it, fresh summer vegetables offer the most delicious concoction to cool your palate and soothe your soul when temperatures soar. Made ahead, you don’t even have to cook when you come in. And that’s another bonus!

July 4th Picnic

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

When my father was alive, he would attend a local monthly WWII Veteran’s luncheon, so one year I was home visiting him for the 4th of July, and he asked me to go with him to the picnic.  Despite being in his 90s, he could walk so I just think he wanted company because he didn’t need help to get there.  

The picnic was at the local firehall, and there were about 50 people attending.  For once, I was one of the youngest women there. That doesn’t happen very often anymore.  The men were all greeting each other, and I was getting introduced to everyone. Maybe my father was showing me off a bit.  Even though they were older gentlemen, they could still flirt with a knowing wink or mischievous smile.  I was having a good time.

With each hello, I would ask what their role was during The War – there was only one war, WWII, for this group. They would share that they were on the beaches of Normandy or they freed a concentration camp or fought with the Marines on Iwo Jima.  I was talking to living history. The gentleman across from me at the table told me every few minutes about D-Day, and I listened patiently because it was important to him, and it was a memory he still had.  

Most of these men didn’t talk about The War when they came home, and the stories remained deep in their souls.  They had a lot of lost time to make up for and didn’t need to dwell on the tough times in their lives. However, as they got older, the stories seemed to rise to the surface.  At least, it did with my father.   His memories, his stories are precious to me now.

Well, after the social “hour,” it was time to eat.  We filled our plates with hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and baked beans – typical fare at a picnic.  Everyone was seated and grace was given, and birthdays were acknowledged with several of the men reaching milestones in the 100s. With each month’s meeting, fewer men were in attendance – The Greatest Generation was rapidly disappearing. 

 After the birthday wishes were extended, we all stood for the Pledge of Allegiance.  Old men in walkers who could barely stand did their best to rise for the Pledge.  They all did and loudly began “I Pledge Allegiance to The United States of America….”  I became so overwhelmed with emotion that I began to cry.  (Tears still fill my eyes as I write this.)  I was free because all these men had sacrificed their youth with their bodies, minds, and souls.  At that moment, I understood the meaning of the Pledge and why they fought for liberty and democracy. 

In this very divided time in our country’s history, I don’t think those men were thinking along party lines or if they were from a blue or red state as they stormed the beaches of Normandy.  They knew their purpose to fight for freedom and against tyranny. I will always be thankful for that day and the treasured gift those men gave me.  That may have been my father’s purpose in including me that day.  Daddy was always so wise, and there was a lesson to be learned that day.   

Wild Dark Shores

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann

I just finished Charlotte McConaghy’s new book, Wild Dark Shores.  I couldn’t put it down.  In fact, I finished the book in two days.  You could read it all in one day.  McConaghy is an extraordinary writer giving the reader rich storylines with complex characters, settings that are in remote places, and lots of twists. She combines all of this with strong themes about nature and environmental issues – often a wake-up call about our planet. 

Shearwater, a remote island near Antarctica, is home to widower, Dominic Salt, and his three children, Raff, Fen, and Orley.  Dominic is the caregiver to the world’s seed bank. His job is to protect the seeds that may be needed in the future to feed the world. The island and the seed bank are under pressure with rising sea waters.  The island also is home to a research center for scientist to study plants, animal, weather, climate change, and the like.  Scientist come and go a few times a year. 

The family lives in an old light house atop of the island.  Have you ever noticed how people who live in light houses are a little off?  There are many books and movies that depict this.  The Shearwater lighthouse is no exception.  It seems to be haunted.  Is it real or imagined?

The weather is unpredictable, the seas are rough and rising, and the island is constantly under attack from the elements.  During one storm – yes, a dark and stormy night, a woman  washes ashore.  The family saves Rowan, the mysterious woman, and while she heals, Rowan bonds with the island and the Salts.  They are all awaiting the Navy ship to take them away from their home of eight years, for Rowan to return to her life, and rescue the seeds. The story unfolds during the days of preparations.

Charlotte McConaghy moves the story forward through the perspective of the various characters. They all have backstories that you will discover, and as in all McConaghy’s books, there will be many plot twists and surprises.  That is why it is hard to put her books down.  By the end of the story, you know all the characters well and will miss them.  I have loved all McConaghy’s writing and particularity her use of nature themes.  Her books are food for thought on many levels.  Wild Dark Shores is a worthwhile read that will haunt you long after you finish reading. 

New York, New York – Part 1

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

I had the privilege of working in New York City for the last 11 years of my career.   It was an unexpected gift in this twilight time of life.   However, coming from Columbia, SC to the Big Apple was a 180-degree change and the learning curve was straight up.   I would like to share some of my adventures working in fascinating New York City.  Maybe I should have called this blog – Sixty in the City.  It was definitely not Sex in the City.

Besides the high energy of the Big Apple, there are funny little things that seem to only happen there.  I came to work one day and noticed a big, inflated mouse in front of a neighboring building. I went into school and asked why the big mouse was outside.  I wondered if an exterminator was advertising their company.  At that moment, everyone broke out laughing.  The mouse was really a rat, and it was to let everyone know that the landlord of a particular building was a bad guy, a rat!  Well, I must say that is a clever way to let the world know.  Often you will find a rat in a pickup truck parked in front of the offending property for a quick getaway.  That way a rat can show up at any time anywhere.  There are a lot of rats in NYC both fugitively and literally!   

When someone climbs a mountain, a flag is often left to say that the person was there.  In New York City, a flag is raised on the top of a building when the construction crew has reached the summit of the structure.  It proclaims they have reached the top and are not going any further with construction.  The skyscrapers are the city’s mountains.  The construction crews are the mountain climbers. The flag says it all.

I lived in Jersey City and came to work on the PATH each day.  The PATH is a subway train that goes under the Hudson River delivering people at various stops as it goes north in Manhattan.  At times riding the PATH can be like riding a Disney World ride as it flew under the river.  You had to hang on.  Most of the time, we were packed in the cars, so you swayed as a group.  I did notice that each Christmas there was a little lighted Christmas tree about halfway between Jersey City and New York City.  People are so into their own worlds scrolling on their phones or reading or listening to music that I wondered if anyone even noticed.  I imagined some big, burly PATH worker putting up the little tree with twinkling white lights trying to spread a little Christmas cheer.  Maybe no one else noticed it, but I did.  For the month of December, it brought a little joy on my way to work and home again.  Thank you, Mr. Burly PATH Guy! 

New York is a city full of scaffolding.  Building were always getting repairs or whatever. I wished I owned the scaffolding company – big bucks!   There are cranes everywhere.  The skyline looks like a zoo of bobbing birds perched atop of the skyscrapers.  Things going up and down constantly on the cranes.  There are roads that seem to be never done.  I guess you notice it more because everything is concentrated in a small area.  

Yet all this concrete and steel is balanced out with flower stalls on most corners, fruit stands in the warmer months, and little patches of green tucked away throughout the city. There is a surprise around every corner.  You must seek and find the beauty.  I hope to share more of NYC with you in future blogs.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

One of my favorite people is a vivacious friend who is always upbeat. She sets the bar for checking in with her friends. She is one of the few people who continued to foster our friendship during the six years I was sequestered, taking care of my mother. Karen called at least once every week.  The call may not have been more than a few minutes. Still, it was enough to let me know she was thinking of me and wishing me well.

Admittedly, I was not as good in the past. While friends and family were always in my heart and thoughts, I did not take the time to let them know. Several years ago, however, I resolved to do so. Even as a professional, I took time to write short notes to people. Handwritten notes are so rare these days that upon receiving one a person knows s/he is important. My staff appreciated the time I took, but more importantly that I noticed something they did.

Another friend sends greeting cards through the US Postal Service.  I would receive a card for every occasion, with a simple signature, “Love, Shelley.” My mother also liked to send greeting cards to family and friends. While the effort became too much for her, I would address the envelopes, write a sentiment if she wanted, and let her sign. This small act gave her joy and let her friends know she still thought fondly of them.

Written notes, while appreciated, are not required. Social media has given us the opportunity to reach out to friends and family in multiple ways. Posting on Facebook, Instagram, or X (formerly known as Twitter) is a quick and easy way to let others know what you have been doing. An email or text message is more personal as it is directed at specific people, so you can interact with others.

The importance of contact, no matter how short, cannot be denied. One never knows what kind of day your friend or family member is having. At times a brief hello can become the most valued event of a person’s day.

Of course, staying in touch takes time. Try scheduling fifteen or twenty minutes a day specifically for contacting someone you care about. A quick text message saying “how are you today?” or just a GIF or emoji could mean the world to someone.  A “hello – thinking of you” with a heart icon tells someone you care.

More mature (translate, older) people enjoy a good old-fashioned telephone call. And while cellular service end-to-end is not as clear as traditional telephone lines, a quick call can still lift spirits and put a smile on the recipient’s face – and yours.

Think about someone you care for and then reach out to them, today. The time it takes is nothing compared to the breath of fresh air you will feel.