Bag Lady

by sssmahh303, posted in Taking Care of Business

Mary Ann        

When I was a young woman, I was a single mother living on a teacher’s salary and supplementing it with tutoring and summer work.  There wasn’t much left over to save for retirement.  I was just trying to get by.  What little saving I did have was precious.  At the time a friend of mine suggested I move the money to a fund that was getting around 8% which was much better than the return I was currently getting so I moved the money.  As the months passed, the fund kept losing money, and I kept calling the firm asking why this was occurring. No one could tell me why, and after losing half my money, I returned to the original company.  With a little research, I found the fund was junk bonds and the bottom was falling out of them. 

I was so mad at myself that I said never again would I be “fooled.” I had my Scarlett O’Hara moment yelling in my head I will never be hungry again or rather I will learn about money, investments, and retirement.  I spent the next 40 years doing just that reading about investments, talking to advisers, starting investment clubs, and being awake. I did not have much money to invest in the early years, but I would always match what the schools were offering in their retirement programs.  After my children were on their own, I began to max out my annual contributions, and then you turn 50 and you get to make up for lost time with even bigger contributions.  I did just that.  Then there is the magic of compound interest which is the gift that keeps on giving.  

As I was moving with career advancement, I would move my money from the 403bs (the non-profit retirement programs) to IRAs with Vanguard. It was there that my investments really grew.  I also decided to work until I was 70 to max out my Social Security.  The extra years allowed me to grow my retirement savings as well and have more Social Security quarters at a higher rate thus giving me a higher Social Security payment.  I had put my learning to use setting me up for a comfortable retirement. 

Now, that I am retired those early decisions have given me financial security.  I developed a plan, stuck to it, and have reaped the benefits from it all.  When you work in the Independent School world, you must create your own pension from your savings. There is no state pension.  

I feel confident about all my decisions until I start reading the articles online about finance and retirement then I panic.  Inflation, taxes, life expectancy, medical expenses, and low investment growth dominate the headlines.  Will you outlive your money?  What!  I thought I had that all taken care of.  These articles are mind-blowing causing sheer terror and constant anxiety.  If I did everything right, why am I going to be a Bag Lady in a few years.  I read somewhere that women all think that they are going to be Bag Ladies. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

I have recently decided that I need to just enjoy the day.  None of us know how long we have.  It is time to stop reading the articles.  I am going to be Scarlett O’Hara and think about all this tomorrow.  To worry now, doesn’t solve anything.  You need to enjoy life and not fret all the time. You still must be wise about money and watch your investments, but there is more to life than constant worry.  If you remember, Scarlett O’Hara was a bag lady in her lovely green velvet curtains and had lost most of her family fortune.  She would just say fiddle-dee-dee and go about living!  

Smoothie Recipes

by Cynthia, posted in Reviews

Cynthia

Smoothies and smoothie bowls are taking center stage in the health and wellness specter. Smoothies incorporate multiple servings of fruits and/or vegetables in one serving as they reduce the ingredients nearly to liquid form. Having a smoothie is a satisfying way to ensure you get your daily dose.

Last year, I gave my aunt a smoothie basket for her birthday. Included were two books and the alternate ingredients needed for the recipes. The two books, The Art of the Smoothie Bowl by Nicole Gaffney, and Healthy Smoothie Recipe Book by Jennifer Koslo, appeared to be colorful and easy to follow. Of course as I do whenever I buy a cookbook for someone else, I bought myself copies so I could scrutinize the recipes.

Perusing each book, I made an ingredient list by category – pantry, fresh, frozen, nuts-seeds-spices, toppings, juices, milks, refrigerator. My purpose was to discover which ingredients are used only once and which are used multiple times. My aunt, being a smoothie novice, may not have all the ingredients in her pantry. Items such as blue spirulina, psyllium husk, bee pollen, and maca powder probably are not everyday staples in many kitchens.

Of the two recipe books, I found the Art of the Smoothie Bowl to lean more towards the occasional smoothie chef due to the ingredients included. Pictures are included for each recipe with suggestions for toppings. Most of the recipes include ingredients you are likely to have on hand.

Healthy Smoothie Recipe Book provides mix and match smoothie recipes categorized by the health issue the recipe supports. Issues such as detox and cleanse; inflammation fighters; weight loss and diabetes; and more. The author provides ten reasons smoothies support good health and an ingredient list to “spice things up”. She provides a mix-and-match flavors and texture chart to help you try out your creative side. While this book does not include pictures of the actual smoothies, Koslo does include a color swatch that indicates the primary benefit of the recipe – high protein, high fiber, meal replacement, veggie lover, and others.

Using both books as the foundation for my smoothie basket, I bought the unique items and separated them into small jars and labeled each appropriately. Because some of the ingredients can be quite expensive and only a teaspoon or tablespoon is used in a recipe, I thought sharing the items among family members made sense. The basket was quite full of goodies with a few extras like reusable straws, bowls, glasses, and spoons. A healthy and fun gift for someone who has almost everything!

Meanwhile, I am having fun trying new smoothies and smoothie bowls using the recipes in these books. Many books are available which have equally delicious options. Smoothies and smoothie bowls are easy ways to pack a lot of nutrition into a small space! They are delicious, nutritious, and make you feel ambitious (or so the saying goes!). Enjoy!

Dostadning

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann 

You may have heard of Swedish Death Cleaning, Dostadnning.  It was a popular book by Margareta Magnusson a few years back, and there is a TV show on Peacock about it.  Death Cleaning is the weeding through of all your stuff before you die so that your family will not have to do it.  It may sound morbid, but really it is a kindness, a gift to your family.  We will all have to death clean someone in our lives at some time. It is not an easy process, but if the person has done their own death cleaning, the job will be easier.

My brother and I had to death clean our parents’ home.  Our parents both lived into their nineties, so we had lots of time to know their wishes, determine who got what, and disseminate items. Once our mother passed as she predeceased our father, we were able to start the cleaning.  Our mother was the collector, and our father was more than happy to simplify his life which simplified our lives.  

The hardest part of the process for us was the cards and pictures that my mother had kept for 70 years of marriage. It took a long time to go through it all.  There were shoeboxes full of all the cards our family had ever sent our parents over the years. They had all the photographs of us through the years as well as the pictures of their grand- and great-grandchildren. I am the family photographer, so I had duplicates made for them of their family’s lives.  I already had the original pictures, so I didn’t need more copies.  We did make packets of pictures for family members, so they had a record of their lives preserved.  However, in the end there were still a huge number of duplicates.  

What do you do with all the cards and photos?  It didn’t seem right to just bag them and toss, all that love to just disappear in a puff!  So, I came up with the idea to burn them in some kind of goodbye ceremony that would honor our parents and the love represented in the cards and photos.  We would send them to our parents in heaven.  My brother planned to have all the cards and photos shredded, and he then found a place where we could burn everything.  There was a patio/firepit at the local Audubon Society that could be rented.  He bagged all the shredded materials into paper grocery bags – we had 28 bags – so we could place one bag at a time in the firepit to burn.

We had a beautiful fall day with leaves falling all around us, and the family gathered to watch the cards and photos ascent into the heavens.  We brought a picnic lunch and drinks to enjoy while we watched everything burn.  It was a lovely, peaceful time to talk about our parents, say a prayer in honor of them, and recall wonderful family memories.  It took us two half days to complete the task.  My brother and I decided this informal ceremony was the best way to say goodbye to this part of our lives – true closure.  We only had to dispose of the ashes, and my brother had an idea that the ashes could be made into soap for the family.  Nice idea but we didn’t do it.  However, our family’s death cleaning had a happy ending with this goodbye ceremony. I know our parents were smiling down at us for taking this step for them.  

PS – Burning is an environmental concern so disposable of the photos will either go into the atmosphere or into landfills. There is no easy choice.

At Her Pace

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

Cynthia

An imperative to providing the right level of care for one’s loved one – mom, in this case – is to understand where she is and what drives her. At times I want to blurt “it’s not always about you,” but in reality, it is. It is always about the person for whom you are caring.

My mother has always been a narcissistic extrovert. She loves being the center of attention wherever she goes. And she always wants to go.  Yet as her ailment progresses, she finds it more and more difficult to do and to enjoy the things she loves.

We were invited to my aunt’s home for lunch. Prior to leaving I had a webinar. I ensured mom was completely dressed and ready to go, except for putting on shoes. We wait until the last minute to put on shoes as her feet swell. I reminded her to keep her feet up in her recliner and I would help her put on her shoes just prior to leaving.

After the webinar I went to help her. She was completely worn out … from attempting to put on socks and her shoes. Finally, she got her shoes on without socks. She was so tired she wasn’t certain she would make it to the car. Still, she wanted to go. So we went.

We had a lovely lunch at my aunt’s. I signaled to my aunt that I needed to take mom home, but my aunt had made a beautiful coconut cream pie and insisted we have dessert before we leave.  Mom graciously ate the dessert. Then we hurried off, expressing our apologies.

Once home, mom immediately plopped into her chair, barely able to move. She caught her breath and said, “I just get too tired.  I want to go, but it makes me exhausted.” After helping her into bed, I pondered, “how could I have made this easier for her?”

The answer. I cannot. The best I can do is allow her to operate at her own pace.

Comfy Box

by sssmahh303, posted in Wellness

Mary Ann

When I was a young girl, it was the custom to have a Hope Chest. It usually was a cedar chest often from the Lane Company to store your future linens and household items to set up housekeeping after you married.  Did any of you get a miniature cedar chest from a local furniture store for your graduation?  I did, and it too was from the Lane Company.  I have had it my whole adult life, and it is where I save my quarters.  It is a happy, little box. It makes me smile when I see it as it represents my youth.

As my generation has gotten older, I have taken the concept of a Hope Chest to create a Comfy Box.  There will a time when we will be going to need assistance in caring for ourselves. The caregivers may know nothing about us, our likes and dislikes, our wants, and needs. So, as we prepped for marriage with Hope Chests, we can now prep for our old age with a Comfy Box. 

 At this time of life, we can still shop for ourselves, and we know what we want to wear so this is the time to buy pretty night gowns, bed jackets, robes, and slippers.  I would think you need a night gown for every day of the week plus one or two extra ones for the just in cases.  We are probably going to be messy in our old age; however, we want to be clean. I have mine stored in a plastic tub but there are wonderful soft-sides storage containers for clothes now.  I like soft socks, and my cold feet like the warmth they provide.  It helps me sleep better as well.  I have slippers for the day and have found boiled wool ones that support my feet and keep them warm.  

I have prepared a small notebook with information to help make me comfortable.  I have included where to buy certain products and have included pictures from the internet just to clarify the item.  I included my favorite kind of tea – Harney and Son’s Paris blend, a fancy Earl Gray. I put a teacup/tea pot combo in the Comfy Box so I can enjoy a pretty cup of tea!  I have a particular hand and foot lotion that I like from Sabon. Candles would be nice but probably too dangerous for an old lady.  An atomizer with an auto turnoff would be safer, and I can put my favorite essential oils in the water such as Shinrin-Yoku or Serenty by DoTerra Essential Oils. It would help with sleep and cover any odors.  I plan on adding to the little notebook as I find items.

One thing that I want to make sure that I have either on my phone or iPad is my Calm App.  I bought a lifetime subscription, but I am putting all the info about the account in my notebook. I listen to the meditations each day and fall asleep to the Sleep Stories each night.  I need to figure out audio books. I love stories so I want that in my life.  It does scare me a bit that most technology may beyond me regarding the TV and streaming services.  I find it hard at times now to figure out what I need for the various services. Maybe I will be able to just tell the TV what to do.  One can only hope!  

We do not have control over aging, but we do have some control now how we might want to live later. The quality of our life can be somewhat up to us. A Comfy Box is a way to make this happen.  I can see myself now sitting in bed in a pretty night gown wrapped in a soft bedjacket sipping a cup tea in my soft socks with toasty toes. How about you? 

Mama Bear

by sssmahh303, posted in Taking Care of Business

 Mary Ann

Mama Bears are fierce mothers.  They would defend their babies with their lives.  As they rear their cubs, the mamas teach them how to take care of themselves.  Then one day, Mama Bears send their cubs up a tree and walk away.  Suddenly, the cubs are on their own and eventually climb down the tree and begin their lives.   

I think there are real lessons that the Mama Bears could teach all parents.  Of course, we aren’t sending our children up trees and are not going to walk away from them.  However, learning to be independent is a real gift for life.  Over my 40 years as an educator, I wrote several articles about letting children fail, and afterwards, learning to pick themselves up and begin again.  When children make mistakes, they need to know that they can recover from them.  Each small lesson builds on one another, so they learn how to handle bigger challenges later in life. 

Every time we swoop in to save our children, we are telling them that they cannot help themselves.  Life is hard, and children need to learn how to manage those tough times.  When you start small, it builds self-confidence for children.  As a parent, I picked my children up way too many times. Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!  I tried to make a perfect world for them.  Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!   As I look back, I should have made them figure out their own problems and save them less.I realize that once you become a parent, you are a parent forever.  However, you are not responsible to take care of your children when they become adults.  Statistically, 65% of parents are supporting their adult children and grandchildren in some way.  Many cannot afford this and pay for their own retirement.  As older adults, we don’t know how long we will live and will we have enough money to last for the whole retirement.  Life is indeed hard, and if you can underwrite your children’s lifestyle, more power to you.  Nevertheless, many retirees cannot fund their children’s lives.  It is a hard decision, but we need to be independent and take care of ourselves.  Most financial advisors will tell you to do this.  It is time to be Mam

Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

by Cynthia, posted in Reviews

Cynthia

Every night after the news and Wheel of Fortune, I seek out a movie to watch with my 94-year-old mother who has a mild case of dementia, congestive heart failure, and COPD. After six years of entertaining my mother as she slowly declines, it is difficult to find a movie that is simple enough for her to understand, devoid of the f-bomb in every sentence, and doesn’t cause nightmares from violence.

Recently I came across a delightful film based on a novel by Elizabeth Taylor – her 11th novel, actually, which was written in 1971. The movie perfectly captures the feelings of many of us as we age.

Mrs. Palfrey is a gentle woman who has a snippy daughter and a grandson who makes no extra effort to see her. She has rented a room in the Claremont Hotel, which has become an independent living establishment for older adults. They gather at mealtime in the dining room, although each resident sits at his or her assigned table. The movie is sadly humorous.

One day Mrs. Palfrey is out walking when it begins to rain. She picks up the pace, only to trip on the sidewalk and fall. A young man, Ludovic, happens to see her take the tumble and runs to her rescue, ushering her into his borrowed apartment for a cup of tea. Ludovic and Mrs. P become fast friends. They adopt one another in a grandmother/grandson type of relationship.

The flick is simply a sweet comedy drama on the surface. However, underlying messages arise as one delves into the characters and the plot. Do we retain or develop a sense of pride as we age? If we feel rejected by family, how do we deal with the hole in our hearts? Why does Mrs. Palfrey need to develop a relationship with a pseudo grandson? Why does Ludovic enjoy time with an old woman? What is the film telling us about aging and familial relationships?

In an effort not to spoil the ending, I encourage you to take time to view the film. Cuddle up with a soft blanket, a cup of Earl Grey, and a tea biscuit. Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont may strike you with varying emotions and leave you with thoughts to explore. Prime members can view the movie at no extra charge.

I am REALLY a Silver Sage!

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

I was teaching a class on Vision Boards.  When the class was busy cutting and pasting, a nice buzz permeated the classroom with people sharing their stories and comparing their wishes for the future. I milled around the room chatting with the students when I settled at a table with two forty some year-old women. They were busy mothers trying to balance home and work so this Vision Boards class was a good exercise for them to clarify their hopes and dreams.

As we chatted, one of them asked me what advice I would give to a younger woman.  At first, I froze. No one ever asked me for advice. Someone cared enough to ask my opinion. Time stood still.  I quickly went back through 70 years of living trying to find just the right words to say to her. This was my moment to make a statement that someone would use to guide his or her life. This had to be good.  The responsibility was so heavy on my shoulders.   

Then, words from my mother began to emerge from the fog that surrounded me.  My mother told me when I was a younger woman that you need to buy what you want, do what you want, and go where you want because a time will come when you cannot. I think at the time I didn’t take the words very seriously and didn’t see the wisdom in them.  As I have gotten older, it absolutely makes sense. None of us know what life is going to bring us or if we are going to have many years to do the things that we want. I think what my mother meant was enjoy life now.  There may not be a tomorrow.  Yet, how many times do we put things off for that tomorrow?     

So, I shared this with the mothers.  They chewed on it a bit.  Making the Vision Boards was a chance to put the things they wanted to buy, to do, or to go in a concrete format that they could revisit each time they passed their Vision Boards.  Their dreams would go out to the universe.  They had a path to making their dreams a reality.  

Now, I was puffed up like a peacock and emotionally drained at the same time.  This was such a lovely compliment for a younger woman to ask an older woman for her advice.  We all need to ask those older women, those silver sages, in our lives for some of their wisdom, because a day will come when they will not be there to ask.  The wise words my mother gave me have stuck with me.  I was glad to pass it on to other women.  They need to remember them and remember to work on their core. When the core is gone, it is so hard to get it back, and believe me, you will need it!   

Caring Expressions

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

Cynthia

A few months ago my brother, my soulmate, passed away.  I was devastated. I could not imagine life without my big brother, to whom I looked up. Over the months before his passing I took my turn at caring for him to give his wife a break. He became frustrated and agitated at the loss of his independence. The days and nights ran together for him, his wife and for me. At the same time I was caring for my mother who also was a hospice patient and my granddaughter who had multiple issues and eventually surgery the week before my brother passed.  During this time sleep evaded me. My energy dropped. Yet, as we women often do, I pressed on.

Throughout the months of caregiving and the days after he passed, friends checked in to see how I was coping. Often just a quick phone call or a short text of “thinking of you” with a heart emoji was just what I needed to know my heart was enfolded in their love.

My brother was very spiritual and patriotic, but not religious. In planning for my brother’s Celebration of Life my nieces, sister, sister-in-love, and I decided to serve foods he enjoyed. Because I frequently made pies for him, I volunteered to make 200 mini blueberry pies for the “party.”

Friends and family gathered one Saturday morning to help. How comforting to be surrounded by friends and family during this time of intense grief. I had an opportunity to share some memories of my dear brother.

Having always valued my friendships, I have an even greater appreciation for the “little things” one can do to support a friend in grief. A card, a note, a smile, an ear. Never think your small expression of caring goes unnoticed.  It means the world, even if the recipient cannot respond at the time.

Our Daily Bread

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

Cynthia

Have you noticed you are not eating as much these days? I find one good meal accompanied by a couple of light “snacks” as I call them will keep my tummy full and my energy up.  My big meal of the day (dinner) is generally around 2:00 pm.  I might eat a muffin or a piece of toast with fruit in the morning and in the evening a salad, mini charcuterie, or a bowl of soup.  The challenge for me is grocery shopping.

I like to go to the grocery store when it opens at 7:00 am on a Sunday morning. Few cars are on the roads and even fewer shoppers rise and shine on Sunday mornings.  This, I will admit, is a challenge for night owls – as myself – because getting moving early enough to make this happen is outside of my arcadian rhythms.  But hey, Sunday is a day of rest, so I can take a nap later if necessary.

Back to grocery shopping.  Does your grocer provide mini loaves of bread? Or small batches of fruits and vegetables? While I can buy some individual fruits, it seems most items are packaged for families.  As a single woman I don’t really need the full Monty when it comes to food. So what does a lady do?

My freezer is my friend.  Say I’ve purchased a full loaf of bread. A gallon sized freezer bag neatly holds four slices. I press out the air before sealing the bag and lay it flat in my freezer. Three or four bags with a little left out for current use and I am good to go.  When I need bread, it is right there. I take out a bag and in a few minutes it is thawed and perfectly ready to go. Or if avocado toast is calling my name, I pop the bread into the air fryer, hit the bread button, and in 8 minutes I have a lovely piece of toast to adorn.

Recipes lend themselves well to families, too.  As a single, I simply make the recipe and freeze the leftovers, marking the contents and the “use by” date. Disposable aluminum casserole pans are perfect for those things that will be heated in the oven. (Just remember to put a cookie sheet under as the hot container is flexible.) The food comes out yummy.  And there are two bonuses: no cooking and no clean up. Perfect for those days when I prefer to work in the yard, visit friends, or just relax with a juicy novel.

No more worry about wasting food. So Mr. Grocer, give us a loaf for our daily bread.