Invisible 

by sssmahh303, posted in Taking Care of Business

Mary Ann

Most women at one point or another in their lives become invisible.  As we age, we begin to fade, not just our looks, but who we are.  At times it feels like we have disappeared.  It may be at a meeting when your suggestion is just ignored and then the idea becomes one of the other men’s ideas a day later, or a man is given a position even though the woman was more qualified.  You see it, and you feel it.  It is not your imagination.  

This became apparently clear to me while I was working in NYC.  I was in Starbucks in a long line awaiting to place my Chai Latte order.  As we moved forward, I noticed a very pretty, young lady behind me. The line moved, and I was up next. The male barista didn’t take my order.  He completely ignored me and began to take the pretty girl’s order who was behind me.  I stood there with my mouth opened – in shock – and finally said, “I was next.  She is pretty, but I was next.”  He then took my order without an apology.  He did not see me!  I realized at that moment that I was experiencing what many women have experienced – invisibility! 

Every person, man or woman, should be treated with respect.  As we get older, we should be honored as the elders in the society.  However, we are not.  No wonder women chase the fountain of youth. Have you ever seen those postings on phone news where they show a picture of a former famous actress as an old lady.  Most recently it was Cybil Shepherd. Really, her only fault is she just grew old.  We all do.  However, is it necessary to stalk these older women to get those pictures?  It is done with men as well, but women dominate these pictures. It is sad.

Caroline Criado Perez’s book, Invisible Women, explores the data bias in a world designed for men.  She is British but uses data from all around the world.  Whether it is medical research or the workplace or even transportation, the male perspective is the default in a world that is 50% women.  In many ways you are invisible just for being a woman, and it intensifies as you age.  Invisible Women is academically based, but it is quite readable.  You will identify with much of the book should you want to explore this topic even further. 

 A lot must change for there to be equality, and this won’t suddenly happen. I once read in USA Today that it would take 1000 years for the world to be equal for both men and women.  There would be equal numbers of women and men in Congress or half of the CEO would be women and the like.  It is getting better, but it is at a snail’s pace.  When that happens, women may no longer be invisible.  However, a thousand years is a long time to become visible, and we have no choice but to move forward.  

One Household Chore Just Got Easier!

by Cynthia, posted in Reviews

On occasion I need to change out the shelf paper for a cleaner, smoother base. Recently and by accident I ran across the most wonderful shelf liner. When I bought it, I was in a hurry and could not find shelf liner anywhere in the big box store. As I rounded the corner, I found some on an end-cap so grabbed a couple of rolls, which came in plastic containers, and off I went.

Opening the blister pack I noticed faint grid lines in the black surface. At first, I thought I had picked up a faulty liner. But to my surprise, the quarter-inch grids were designed to make measurements easier. Now let’s be real. It is difficult to cut straight lines that fit just right in any given shelf.

But … drum roll please! I realized I did not have to use scissors! I simply slid the liner into the shelf, folded it along one of the grid lines, and pulled. Yes, indeed! Just pulled along the line and had a perfectly neat edge.

This miracle product is called Zip-N-Fit, and it is made by a company we have all come to trust: Con-Tact.  I was so excited I went back for several more rolls!

The shelf liner comes in clear and can be used in the refrigerator. It also comes in gray and tan. I bought black, first. Regardless of the color, the shelf liner can be wiped clean with a damp cloth. So not only does it go on easily, it stays and cleans up easily.

Since I find myself continually organizing and cleaning, I’m excited to find a product that helps me do both in one fell swoop.

Problems vs Inconveniences 

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann 

One of my favorite sayings is “As Thy Day so Shall Thy Strength Be.”  It is a Bible verse from Deuteronomy (33:25) that I recently discovered the origin.  I should have known with the Thys and the Shall.  It has gotten me through some really challenging times.  It is like the quote, “God only gives you what you can handle.”  Life is hard, and there are always going to be tough times.  

However, everything in our lives that challenges us is not always a problem.  For the most part it is an inconvenience, not a real problem.  Real problems are like the wildfires in Los Angeles or a cancer diagnosis or a loss of a job – how are you going to pay the bills? These are real problems, real worries. 

Often, we call the daily inconveniences that we face, problems.  Traffic jams, phone calls that should be one yes or no answer that take 10 steps to get to it, the wrong order at McDonalds, and on and on.  There is a big difference between a rainy day and a hurricane.

I try to remember the difference as I go about my life.  In the past, no matter what the problem or inconvenience was in my life, my father would always say,” it is all going to be okay, and it was.  I always felt better when he said those words to me, a healing balm. 

I was recently watching Shrinking on Apple TV+.  It was episode 4 of Season 2. The show was centering on problems of the various characters.  Near the end, neighbors Derek and Liz were sitting on the patio with the other cast members.  They were talking about the very comment that my father would make.  Liz asked Derek to do The Special for Brian.  Derek sat down and told Brian to look into his eyes and then Derek said, “Whatever it is, everything is going to be okay.”  There were a few tears.  There is magic in those words just as they had been for me when my father said them to me.  I guess there are many fathers who say that to their family members. 

I try to say those words to my children, but I somehow do not have the gravitas that my father’s words held.  Maybe they mean more than I realize.  Maybe they won’t mean as much until I am gone.  Then they will have to pass it on to their friends, children, or other relatives. 

There is a magnet, card, and a pin by Quotable Magnets that says, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it is not the end.” – Unknown.  Maybe we need to all put that on the refrigerator to remind us that most problems will be resolved, and most are just inconveniences.  

Travel Buds

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann 

Have you ever taken a group tour for a travel adventure with companies like Viking or Smartours?  You are with around 30 people, and often you click with some of the people you meet. For the duration of the trip, you become fast friends, and at the end of the journey, you exchange addresses and contact info to keep in touch.  Time passes, and you are lucky if you get a Christmas card.   Occasionally, however, magic happens, and the friendships take root on the trip and blossom in the coming years!  

I have been blessed twice with such friendships.  On a trip to Africa, I found one of my best friends, and we have taken several trips together and have enjoyed NYC when I lived there – she is a New Yorker.  We are very compatible travel buds, and laughter comes easily to us. What a blessing!  

On another trip in 2012 to Costa Rica, I met a group of people who were from New York City and New Jersey.  There were 7 of us (two couples and three singles) who have kept in touch meeting several times a year to dine and do local adventures.  We explored Greenwich Village with the New Yorkers leading the tours and walked the Brooklyn Bridge and toured the Dumbo area of Brooklyn.  We did a day exploring an outdoor sculpture garden and have attended plays. When we are together, it is non-stop talking, and everyone gets along so well. We call ourselves The Costa Rica Gang. 

Sometimes we do major trips together.  Several of us went on tours to Morocco and Egypt. Other members of the gang have taken smaller trips together or meet up for dinner in New York in small groups.  My African bestie has joined our group several times and is often part of the adventures.

I have used the word together in most of the sentences in this blog.  It is the word that best describes us.  The Costa Rica Gang is the kindest and most adventurous group of people I know.  We are in regular contact sharing our life experiences.  There have been medical challenges, and we have supported each other through them.  I know if I needed help, these people would be there for me.  I would be there for them.  

How did I get so lucky to have been blessed with these people in my life?  I am richer for knowing them. I cannot say enough good about them. I hope they see this blog as a love letter to them.  I look forward to our future adventures – together! 

Note: 

If you meet people on a trip and you can see a lasting friendship, try to really stay in touch.  You must reach out to them and make some plans.  Great Travel Buds are priceless. Remember those friendship can grow and be a meaningful part of your life. You will never regret the effort. 

Will You Be My Galentine?

by Cynthia, posted in Wellness

February brings us Galentine’s Day. The term was coined on the NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation when Leslie Knope, the fictional Deputy Director introduced the term. “It’s like Lilith Fair without the angst. Plus frittatas.”  Galentines refers to plutonic “girlfriend” relationships. Galentine’s Day is usually celebrated on February 13.

I first heard the term several years ago when one of my single female friends was distraught about not having a male partner with whom to celebrate Valentine’s Day. That year, she gave me a box of chocolates, each shaped like frogs, that said “you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.” It was funny … and fun.

Fast forward to 2025. Galentine’s Day has become almost as popular as Valentine’s Day. Retail establishments market self-care products, restaurants offer specials, branded greeting cards, and gift items can be found everywhere!

Our local domestic violence organization has an annual Galentine’s Day fund raiser on the Saturday before Valentine’s Day. No program. Tickets get you a breakfast with mimosas, photo booth, and the opportunity to purchase women-focused products and services. The event is two hours to honor and enjoy female acquaintances and friendship in a vibrant, happy atmosphere while helping a serious cause.

Another organization which is women-centered is offering a screening of “The M Factor: Shredding the Silene on Menopause” as a Galentine’s Event, later in the month.

Women often forget the importance of having female friends. The sheer joy of being with other women elevates your life, especially as we retire and continue to age. More importantly, having friendships yields happier, more productive lives. Galentine’s Day is the ideal time to honor our friendships and remind each other how valued our relationships are. Even after I moved my mother from her home town into my home, her 80s and 90s-year old girlfriends kept in touch.

Celebrating friendships can be low-key or you can go all out. You can invite ladies for charcuterie and a glass of wine, go to brunch, play games, have a sleepover in a hotel – be creative! Find ways to enjoy your girlfriends. And even if you are not a party planner or don’t have the energy to host friends, you can make phone calls, send a card, or craft an email. Use this as a time to reconnect!

Galentine’s Day has become so popular that other “groups” are getting on the celebration bandwagon.  Palentine’s Day is a gender neutral version and Malentine’s Day is for men to celebrate their friendships.

Yet we ladies know, the best day of February is Galentine’s Day. It’s a day to celebrate our friendships with women of all ages, all stages. Happy Galentine’s Day, Friends!

A Walk to the Mailbox

by Cynthia, posted in Taking Care of Business

If you are like me, not much arrives in the mailbox these days. My bills have been paid through automatic withdrawal for years – decades, really. Granted, I do enjoy sending cards now and then, and a few things require paper copies. Still, one would think the mailbox would get lonely.

We all know, however, that is not the case. Each day when looking at email, I peruse my Informed Delivery notification. (Informed Delivery is free through the USPS and tells me what to expect each day, including packages that are in transit via the US Postal Service.) When I see the delivery includes flyers, coupons, political announcements, and so on, I know I don’t have to worry about picking up the mail right away. On the other hand, if there is something personal or on rare occasions financially related, I make a point to walk down the driveway soon after Al, my postal carrier, leaves treasures in the mailbox (Occasionally, I leave him goodies, too!)

After many years of online activity, I still receive junk mail. Not as much as I did in the past, because I have registered not to receive it. Some things get through. Ever wonder why you get so much junk?

The USPS terms this “marketing mail” which is a bulk service for printed matter, flyers, circulars, advertising, newsletters, bulletins, catalogs, and even small parcels. These pieces are not charged the first-class rate, since they are sent by volume.  There is no such thing as single-piece marketing mail. Did you know low-rate advertising mail was first available in 1845? No wonder there is so much of it!

There is a way to reduce the amount of junk mail you receive. (Note, I said reduce). Interestingly, you can register up to three email addresses for free at dmachoice.org. Registration lasts for ten years. Yet, for “snail mail” the fee is $6, termed an administrative fee. Registration requires creating an account with an email address and password. Once your information is entered, including Pay Pal or a credit card number, your registration is good for 10 years.  You will receive an email confirmation.

You can also register to stop promotional mail for a deceased person. The fee is $5. The USPS uses dmachoice.org for this purpose, especially if the deceased person lived at an address where others still reside.

So, if you want to reduce the unwanted promotional and marketing mail, register your address with dmachoice.org . Or, just enjoy the walk to the mailbox and recycle the junk.

I Am Old but Not Dead

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

The Court of Thorns and Roses

Mary Ann 

At the end of each year, the powers that be make lists of the best – Movies, TV Shows, Books, and the like.  I always take screen shots or make list of the books that I would like to read. I am either going to make another pile of yet-to-read books or add them to my Kindle.

 At the end of 2023, a book kept appearing on various lists, The Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas.  The synopsis always proclaimed it was about a fantasyland where humans and magical, immortal fairies live. It was filled with romance and adventure.  So as the winter of 2024 was approaching, I thought this was a good time to escape.  I loaded up the Kindle and began to read the first story in the series.  I was enchanted, reading all 5 books that took me many, many hours and thousands of pages to finish.  

The story takes place on the island continent of Prythian where seven kingdoms are ruled by High Fae Lords. The rulers have exceptional magical powers such as transformation from human to animal or winnowing that is like “Beam me up, Scottie “from Star Trek, or flying. The 5 volumes center around three human sisters Feyre, Elain, and Nesta Archeron and a cast of gorgeous, hunky fairies – Rhysand, Cassian, Tamlin, Azriel, and Lucien.  The women are all beautiful, brave, and powerful – no shrinking violets here.  The men are unearthly handsome and mighty warriors. If you combined Lord of the Rings and Bridgerton, you would have The Court of Thorns and Roses – lots of battles, monsters, male and female heroes, and lots of descriptive, lusty, lovemaking.  

If I were reading any of the books in the series, and I were riding the NYC subways, I would have missed my stop repeatedly.  The stories are so absorbing and so passionate that I was blushing in my living room as I read along.  There is passion in every part of the stories, so it was appropriate that lovemaking would be too.   This is why I entitled this blog – I am old but not dead!  It got my attention!

I am so happy to have found Sarah J. Maas’s books.  She is a masterful storyteller and has help to create the literary genre, Romantasy – a little bit of romance and a little bit of fantasy.  Maas describes people and places in incredible detail so you can envision her imaginary world.  She has a bit of Harry Potter in her with creative and clever ideas such as Memory Bottles or mental communication.  She engages the reader from the first page to the very last word on the last page.  Even though it takes a fair of amount of time to read a series, you miss the characters when you finish. Luckily, she has several other series to discover, and a sixth volume forThe Court of Thorns and Roses is on the horizon.  There were questions at the end of book 5 that needed answers, and they are on the way! Thank you, Sarah J. Maas, for sharing your remarkable talent with us.  

Notes:

There were a few things that I did notice that really do not affect the stories in any way but are noticeable. I read the books one after another rather than waiting a year between them so that may be why I did notice.  My friends who have read the stories a year or so apart did not notice

First, the names and places are exotic, and you don’t know how to pronounce them.  How exactly do you pronounce Amarntha or the Prythian?  Is the C a hard or soft C?  Where is the accent?   I give it a shot when I first meet the character and keep calling them whatever I come up with for them.  

Second, for fairies who can heal a broken bone in a few hours, they all have calloused hands.  I know it is because they are welding swords and such, but you would think their hands would heal quickly and be smooth to the touch.  

Third, anytime anyone gets upset, they throw up. Really, this is the go-to!  It got a little funny as I read it each time.  I would have thought some editor would have noticed.  

None of this takes away from the engaging stories.  Enjoy!

Sunflowers

by Cynthia, posted in Lifestyle, Reviews

Rarely does a novel engage me from page one, but such was the case when I picked up The Secret Life of Sunflowers by Marta Molnar.  The story parallels the lives of two strong, determined women who seem at first glance to be somewhat reserved.

Johanna Bonger was in love, she thought, with a man who would never be true to her. She was also courted by her brother’s friend Theo Van Gogh. She attempted to deny him her affection by saying “You will grow tired of me,” to which Theo responded: “Sunflowers will tire of the sun before I tire of you, Johanna Bonger.” That encounter turned her heart. Eventually, she married Theo, who was completely and totally dedicated to her, and also to his brother, Vincent.

Skipping to current times, Emsley Wilson enters the scene. She adores her flamboyant grandmother who passes away before Emsley is ready. During this time Emsley was facing the challenge of what to do about her struggling auction business. A friend of her grandmother Violet, gave Emsley sunflower earrings, indicating Violet had ordered them for her.  Emsley recalled her grandmother’s words: “Sunflowers are adaptable. You plant them somewhere, and they’ll figure out how to grow. They’ll come up in the rich loam of rivers as easily as in arid, poor dirt. The worse the soil, the bigger they flower. They’re scrappy as hell.”

The chapters alternate between Emsley’s life in current times, and Johanna’s life in the 1800s. Throughout the story, both women are determined to achieve their objectives. Theo quoted Vincent: “If you hear a voice within say you cannot do something, then by all means do that thing, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent’s words become the underlying theme for both women.

Molnar’s novel is an engaging story from start to finish. Yet something even more important is revealed. At least it was for me. I had no idea that Vincent Van Gogh’s sister-in-law worked intensely to promote him and his work, after his death. Without Johanna, the world may never have known about The Starry Night, The Vase with Fifteen Sunflowers, or any one of the more than 2000 pieces of art by one of the most famous and influential figures in post-impressionist Western art.

The Secret Life of Sunflowers is a must read for those who enjoy historical fiction or for those who appreciate tenacity and resolve in a woman’s journey. Or, if you just want to enjoy a lovely story.

The Little Silver Bell

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

My mother loved jewelry.  Anything shiny and sparkly, and it was a special treat when I got to explore her jewelry box.  I would try on the rings and bracelets pretending I was a princess.  However, there was a little silver bell that nestled in one of the compartments on the top tray of the jewelry box.   I was fascinated by that bell.  It had a little goat on one side and some words that I didn’t know, and when you jiggled the bell, it had the sweetest sound like fairies laughing.  

I coveted that bell and would beg my mother for it throughout the years, and she would always say it is not time.  I am sure she knew if she gave it to me when I was too young, I would lose it.  She was much wiser than I.  Years passed and sometime in my 40s she gave me the bell.  I guess it was time.  It was also when I found out the meaning of the bell.

My father had gotten the bell on the Isle of Capri when he was on R and R during WWII.  The little silver bells were made by the monks of St. Michelle and represented good fortune and protection.  Pilots like my father and paratroopers bought them and often pinned them inside their uniforms.  Most of the bells had four leaf clovers (one leaf is for fame, one for wealth, one for a faithful lover, and the fourth for health) or other good luck symbols.  My father’s had a goat on it.  I am sure he picked it because he loved animals and was from a farm family.  Under the goat is the word Capri and on the back is the inscription La Campanella Della Fortuna which means bell of good luck.  

The legend behind the bells is the story of a young, poor shepherd boy who lost his only sheep and followed the sound of a bell to find it. Saint Michael then appeared to the boy at the edge of a cliff saving him from falling, and Saint Michael gave the bell to him for protection. The bells today are a symbol of Capri bringing joy and good fortune, a little bit of heaven, to whoever wears them.  They can also stand for peace.  At the end of World War II, Capris gave a replica of the bells to President Roosevelt, and it exhibited at the Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum in New York.

After I was given the bell, I put it on a chain and wore it often.  It always made my father happy when I did.  He always commented on it.  If I wore it around my grandchildren or my students at school, they would always ask me to bend down so they could ring the bell.  They could hear the fairies laughing.  

When my father passed, I began to wear the bell all the time.  It keeps me close to him.  It brings me peace, joy, and a bit of luck just as St. Michael had wanted. It kept my father safe during WWII.  It is my most valuable piece of jewelry, truly priceless.  And I am thankful that my mother made me wait until it was time for me to appreciate its meaning.  

Will You See Your Shadow?!

by Cynthia, posted in Friends and Family

February is quickly approaching … and you know what means! Several opportunities to celebrate during the cold winter month. Once such celebration is Groundhog Day!

This year, Punxsutawney Phil will emerge from hibernation on Sunday, February 2, at 7:20 am. According to legend, if the furry marmot sees his shadow on a sunny day, he will retreat, meaning six more weeks of winter. If on the other hand he does not see his shadow, spring is just around the corner.  On a cloudy day, he takes it as a sign of spring and stays above ground. It’s always been a bit counterintuitive to me … sunny day – more winter. Hmmm.  If I were Phil, I would stay in my cozy burrow with my partner Phyllis and my two young kits Shadow and Sunny.

 “Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators, and Weather-Prophet Extraordinary” is the most famous groundhog according to the Farmer’s Almanac.  The first recorded Groundhog Day celebration was in 1886 in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, making it the oldest of such celebrations. Likely, due to the 1993 movie Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell, the day has been elevated to pop culture status. Now, several Groundhog Day celebrations are held throughout the United States and Canada.

Digging into historical traditions, some say Groundhog Day has morphed from the pagan holiday Imbolc and the Feast of Candlemas. A Scottish prophecy indicated that a sunny day on Candlemas meant a long winter.

For me, I was always looking for ways to entertain my mom for whom I was caring.  She began to look forward to Groundhog Day, as one of many “holidays” we celebrated. Arriving just prior to Valentine’s Day, Groundhog Day was a one-day event, so it was low-key. Still, we had fun.  I found a recipe for Groundhog cupcakes which became an annual tradition. They were fun to make, yummy to eat, and for mom, she had bragging rights – something unique she could tell her sisters.

I even ordered mugs, t-shirts, and chocolates from the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club Store. Admittedly, I get a little crazy at times. But hey. We were making memories.

If you are looking for a way to brighten your winter and fight the doldrums, tune in to the Groundhog Day celebration, live streamed for those of us who can’t or don’t want to be in the cold morning air at Gobbler’s Knob.