Here we are. Half-way through the “new” year, already! It seems like quite some time ago we were ringing in 2025 and resolving to reach goals. How are your goals coming along?
I know. Life gets in the way of achieving our goals, objectives, and ToDo Lists. At times, we even forget we defined goals six months ago. Consider this is a gentle reminder to check in. What did you resolve in January to accomplish this year? Did you set timelines or were your items open ended?
For me, goal setting is as much about planning as it is achieving something dramatic. I even attended a planning workshop in January to learn more about setting and achieving my objectives. Yet it seems the more time I have on my hands, the less I am able to accomplish. Isn’t it easy to say, “I have plenty of time. I can do that tomorrow.”?
My system is simple. At the front of my paper planner (to which I refer daily), are two pages dedicated to listing goals. I have labeled each section by month, allowing me to “chunk” my huge list. Chunking simply is the act of separating tasks into doable and achievable portions. Looking at each month’s smaller list is not so overwhelming as looking at a long list for the year. In my mind, that doesn’t mean I necessarily have to complete those items in the month in which it is written, but it is easier to take on a project when it looks smaller.
Upon completion of an item on my list, I place a checkmark to it’s left. When the entire chunk (in this case a month’s worth) is complete, a “good-for-me” sticker is added. A quick glance at the spread points me to the next task to accomplish.
Another tool that helps is telling someone what I intend to attain. Both acts of writing down the goals and of telling another person provide a small level of accountability.
If you made New Year’s Resolutions, half-way through the year is a great time to revisit them. Adjust if necessary. Sometimes, what we thought was important in January is no longer relevant. By the same token, new needs may have arisen. Now is the perfect time to pat yourself on the back for what you have completed. And, rather than beating yourself up for not working towards the other items on your list, start anew towards those things that you still want to realize.
Historical fiction has always fascinated me. So much of it is set in the World War II era, but I recently ran across this delightful book by Kate Quinn, a best-selling American author. Previously I had read The Alice Network and The Diamond Eye, so I knew her book would be well written.
The Briar Club is a delightful story of the Briarwood boarding house full of women, each one different from the others; each with her own story or secret. The book is set in early 1950s America encompassing the McCarthy era and the Cold War.
Quinn introduces many characters, yet the stories center on the occupants of the house. The landlady, Mrs. Nilsson, is a crotchety women who seems to be mad at the world. She borders abusive to her children Pete and Lina.
Borders include Grace March, a lovely, energetic, fun-loving woman who engages the other ladies and begins to build a community within the house. Other boards you will be delighted to meet are Arlene, Claire, Felicity and her daughter Angela, Reka, and Nora. Each lady’s life will fill your emotional well – some with laughter, some with angst.
While to stories of these women’s lives are intriguing the reader also gets a glimpse into life for single women in the 1950s. Quinn weaves history delicately throughout the pages pulling the reader into the boarding house as more than an observer.
This book had multiple themes, the most obvious being female friendship. Yet in reflection it included missives on finding your voice and coming of age. Quinn addresses post-partum depression, domestic abuse and dysfunctional families. Economics and politics found their way into the story line. This book is jammed full of issues that culminate finally into the one most important lesson of life. Accept others as they are and where they are. You may not know their back story.
I recommend The Briar Club to anyone who enjoys reading fiction and wants a realistic picture of Washington D.C. in mid-20th century America.
Have you ever heard someone say, “if you can travel with a person, you can live with them”? I suppose the adage comes from experience. My cousin and I have traveled together for twenty years. And both of us would admit that we would not want to live with each other. We are as different as night and day. That said, we have found traveling together mostly delightful – and when it is not, we have found ways to cope.
In thinking about our trips, both domestic and international, I wondered whether I should begin looking for someone who is more compatible. A review of suggestions for a good travel companion yielded qualities that both of us display, for the most part. Let me share what I have learned.
Shared Interests and Open-Mindedness. When planning a trip, someone with interests similar to yours gives you peace of mind. While there may be some compromise in activities, the experience will be richer if you are able to see the sites you want to see. You may want to be willing to try something new or a little different than you usually try, making your trip more fulfilling.
Expectations and Communication. One of the best ways to ensure you will both have a great time is to see expectations in advance. On a road trip, for example, how long will you drive each day? Do you like to get to your destination quickly or find your way organically? What criteria do you have for lodging? Are you a Motel 6 traveler or do you prefer a Hilton property? Are you a fast-food junkie or do you prefer a sit-down meal at a nicer restaurant? Have you defined a budget set for entertainment and amusement? These and other visions of the ideal trip should be discussed during planning to avoid conflict as the trip progresses. And during the trip if concerns arise, discuss them right away.
Adaptability. Even with the best laid plans, things happen. You and your companion will want to be able to adjust to unexpected changes. Be positive and select a travel partner who can roll with the punches. A good sense of humor goes a long way to lighten the mood in difficult situations.
Avoid People Who Go To Extremes. This should be common sense. On flitterfever.com I read an interesting and relevant suggestion. Ask your potential travel buddy their opinion on controversial issues such as the President, vaccinations, conspiracy theories, etc. If you cannot agree to disagree or avoid touchy subjects such as these, you might want to select someone else with whom to travel.
The whole point, obviously, is you want to relax and enjoy your adventure. Choosing a compatible travel companion is Step 1 in making happily memorable experiences. Enjoy!
During my caregiving years, people consistently reminded me to take care of myself – to give myself a break. While I knew my friends and family meant well by nudging me, I felt relatively certain they had no idea what my “taking a break” entailed. Much preparation goes into leaving for a few days. You are not just packing for yourself.
I created a “Caring for Mom” notebook with tabs for each category of information one would need to stay with my mother in my home. Once the notebook was complete, I could update it easily when something changed. Using a three-ring binder and creating the documents in Microsoft Word and Excel made updating information easy.
Sections included the “legal” documents which included her DNR, Advanced Directive, Power of Attorney, and Last Will and Testament; General Notes; Exercises; Daily/Weekly Checklists; and Medical. The tabbed sections were behind the page full of emergency and non-emergency phone numbers.
Another tool I used to help others help me was my trusty little label maker. I labeled pantry shelves, kitchen drawers, tableware, and mom’s supplies. I even put labels on the knife blocks to remind helpers to hand wash the knives! I have to chuckle. My kitchen, bathrooms, laundry room, and mom’s bedroom and sitting room all reminded me of a church kitchen where everything is neatly identified.
Several meals and meal kits were prepared; the freezer and pantry stocked with carefully packed and labeled foods. Instructions for using the Keurig were taped to the beverage bar. Although mom was not a huge fan of “take out” there were a few restaurants she enjoyed. My computer browser stored the passwords and credit card for those, along with Shipt and Instacart access, so the helper could easily place an order for delivery.
I worked with health care providers to ensure there were enough medications to last through a few days after my return. Pill planners were filled for the entire time I was away. Extra supplies of disposable underwear, toilet paper, paper towels, disinfectant wipes, etc. were stocked.
Mom’s clothes were washed, ironed (where necessary), and hung by “outfits” in her closet. Instructions for washing sheets and clothes were taped to the inside cabinet door above the washer. How to set the dryer was also posted.
Much as packing diapers and formula and several changes of clothes are packed for a small child, every detail had to be covered. Even though I believed I had left nothing wanting, I would still receive daily calls – sometimes multiple calls in a day – asking where something was or what to do about “x”. Getting away was physical but not disconnected. (What did we do before mobile phones?!)
Prepping for a “vacation” when caregiving reminded me of preparing to be away from my full-time job. It took a week or two to prepare to be gone. Upon return, it took a week or two to catch up. Sometimes I wondered if the time off was worth the effort. Of course, having a break is necessary for rejuvenation and mental health.
Should you find yourself in a caregiving mode I hope my experience will help guide you in preparing to give yourself a break. Even if you do not have the responsibility of another person, some of these tips may be helpful to others who at some point may come take care of you.
Several months ago I began working with a dietitian. My goal was not to lose weight, as it is for most people. I feel pretty good about my weight, although I wouldn’t mind losing some “rolls” around the middle! One would think as a vegetarian I have a healthy diet. Yet, being diagnosed with high cholesterol (for the past 30 years!) and high triglycerides, and not feeling good about the pharmaceuticals to “control” those numbers, I began to look more closely at what I eat. I have always believed the old saying “you are what you eat.”
My dietician prepared a plan for me that, had I known, I could have done on my own. Granted, she has a lot of great tips, which I appreciate. She gives me a lot to think about. Being highly motivated, I don’t need her as a crutch or coach, but it is nice to check in once a month and ask questions.
It turns out, the plan she put together is free online from the Food and Nutrition Service of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Click the link https://www.myplate.gov/myplate-plan to get started. Answering just a few questions will yield a MyPlate Plan for your needs.
The MyPlate Plan makes it easy to follow a healthy diet for yourself by giving easy-to-follow guidelines for “measuring” food and intake. Unlike dieting plans that expect you to weigh and measure food, this plan gives you equivalents. For example, my plan includes five-ounce equivalents of protein each day. One ounce of protein could be seafood, lean meats, poultry; or one egg; or one tablespoon of peanut butter; or ¼ cup cooked beans, peas, or lentils; or ½ ounce unsalted nuts or seeds.
The other categories are equally easy to follow: fruits, vegetables, grains, and dairy. The website includes information about each food group, and it provides recipes for various cuisines. As for the dairy, while I enjoy cheese, it is high in cholesterol, and I have never been a milk drinker. My dairy can be fortified soy milk, non-fat Greek yogurt, and some hard cheese (usually white, as the white cheeses generally use vegetable enzymes rather than rennet).
The plan also helps me limit my sugar, saturated fat, and sodium by listing how much is allowed each day. I print out the colorful charts, one for each day, and post them on the side of my refrigerator which reminds me to record what I put into my mouth.
Reading this, you may say, “Wow. That is a lot of work!” It’s not as bad as you would think. My experience is that this method makes following a healthy diet extra easy. I don’t have to count calories. I don’t have to measure food (you can estimate what constitutes a ½ cup or a ¼ cup). And when I jot down what I have eaten and have met the recommended amount of a category for the day, I get to check off “Yes. I reached my target.”
The best part for me, though, is when I think about a snack, I can check my plan and see what is missing for the day. Instead of sugary candy and cookies, I might reach for the peanut butter and a chopped apple on a rice cake. It’s filling, satisfying, tasty, and healthy. Then I can pat myself on the back. I’ve made every bite count!
Kevin Kelly is a creative who co-founded the magazine WIRED in 1993. He is the author of several publications and has researched “Cool Tools” for more than twenty years. Having traveled extensively, he has listed what he has learned over years of travel. I wanted to share the link to his tips, but I have quite a few of my own.
When I retired, barely into my 60s, I had planned to travel extensively, also. Maybe not at the level of Mr. Kelly, but I could not wait until I was free to roam with no obligations. While that didn’t work out for me (within months I was caring for my aging mother), I was still able to take a few vacations. Several countries are on my bucket list, but there is nothing like a good road trip.
Now that I am in my 70s and the aches and pains have kicked in, I find I must adjust my former way of hopping into the car and heading out. Recently my cousin (with whom I have traveled for a couple of decades) and I planned a trip to the Redwood Forest. As the time to leave drew near, we agreed that a shorter trip was in order. Driving five or six hours a day is the longest we felt we could handle. I do most of the driving (which I enjoy) but I can no longer see well enough at night to feel safe in unfamiliar territory. Plus, it’s nice to start finding a hotel / motel before dark.
When on a road trip, we plan an “ultimate destination” and some potential sight-seeing adventures, but not much more. A true road trip allows one to experience Americana. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing a sign indicating an historic site, a point of interest, or a “world famous” or “world biggest” something. With no specific destination required for the day, an unplanned turn has yielded some of the most interesting and enjoyable experiences.
Getting off the interstates and traveling state highways allows us to drive through small towns and villages we would otherwise never know existed. Much as our mothers knew no strangers, we will talk to anyone in a local restaurant. We meet the nicest people, most of whom have fantastic suggestions about things to see “up the road.” These provide opportunities to get out and stretch our legs, taking short – or sometimes not so short – walks to the monument. Riding for too long is not great for circulation, so these side-jaunts counter the long periods in the car.
We have found packing cubes make one-night layovers easier. As more mature women who are out for a couple of weeks or more, lugging large suitcases in and out of the car every morning and night is not fun. I pack each cube with a complete outfit, including footwear, so all I have to do is grab a cube. A small, rolling bag* contains toiletries, flip flops (I don’t walk on hotel floors barefooted!), and sleepwear, along with technology and chargers, is the only suitcase I take in. When we reach a destination at which we want to stay multiple nights, we take the big suitcases in, repack our cubes, and we are set for the next hop.
Traveling in the car does present a challenge here and there. Weather apps on the phones set to roam will provide alerts if adverse conditions are expected. Another necessity is to assume you will have car trouble, even though you have had the automobile serviced prior to leaving. I keep two flannel blankets, a first-aid kit, a road emergency kit, and snow scrapers in the trunk at all times. My AAA membership card, Senior Lifetime National Parks membership name tag, insurance card and registration, along with a small amount of cash are always in the car, too. I have a set of corrective sunglasses, regular glasses, and now reading glasses in the side pocket.
Purple has a nice little cushion that rides along for road trips, to add extra cushioning. Even in the summer, I use the seat heater … and crank up the air conditioning, to keep my muscles relaxed while driving.
Another must for road trips is the snack box and a slew of water bottles. I have yet to take home an empty snack box. However, a few “dinners” have been created from the goodies we bring along. Non-perishable items such as dried fruit, nuts, peanut butter, crackers, granola bars provide quick energy and a nice “hold over” until a restaurant of interest is found. Starkist has a nice little tuna-on-the-go kit. Oloves has individually wrapped, flavored olives for healthy snacks. While we stay away from sugary snacks, Kodiac has individually wrapped Bear Bites – graham cracker bears in chocolate and honey – which offer a sweet treat when needed. And anything that can’t be frozen may be packed for the first couple of days of the trip – a pasta salad full of veggies, tabouli, muffins, fruit cups, etc. No reason to waste food!
Finally, even though I have GPS in my car, and my cousin and I both have smart phones with GPS, I take an atlas and regional road maps. Sometimes, you want to get off major highways and explore. Good old-fashioned maps are helpful for getting the bigger picture and sometimes for navigating streets and roads.
The only other things that needs to be considered for a road trip, is whether you can travel enjoyably with the other person. But that’s for another missive. Meanwhile, enjoy the ride!
*PS I have duplicates of everything I use daily and small versions of “emergency” needs such as scissors, nail files, pain relievers, etc. My “toiletry” bag is always packed, ready to go in a moment’s notice!
I am on another kick. Juicing. My medical massage therapist shared a beet and lime juice she made and I was immediately hooked. And the timing was right. The previous week my grandson reminded me that we made apple juice and orange juice when he was young. I was surprised that he remembered that from so long ago, when we would have sleepovers at Oohma’s while his mom and dad had an evening off.
Having spent quite a lot of time researching juicers, I settled on an inexpensive, cold press version. I decided that I would buy a less pricey one to ensure I would actually use it. In one of the videos I watched about “which kind of juicer is the best” the author suggested the best one is the one you will use. Ah! Common sense.
I had forgotten the vast amount of fruit and vegetables it takes to make a glass of juice. I made an approximately 6-8 ounce glass of citrus juice using two very large oranges, three large lemons, and about an inch of fresh ginger. It was delicious. Refreshing. And a lot of work for a single glass of 100 percent juice. For citrus, you have to remove the outer “shell”, although it is okay to leave the pith as it is separated during the pressing process.
I made a beet and carrot juice with ginger which used three beets, two carrots, and an inch of ginger. I think I got about four ounces of juice!
The apple juice was easier. I still had to cut the four apples into small enough wedges to fit through the hole in the top. One of my criteria for selecting a juicer was a large hole, but I failed to ensure the final selection had one. Mine did not. Sigh.
Another criteria was ease of clean up. Mine is relatively easy to clean. The only challenge is getting all of the “waste” out of the rubber-sealed extractor. The juicer comes with a tool which is necessary to clean that orifice. All-in-all, it is not too hard. It’s the price I have to pay to ensure I am getting a healthy juice – one that I know exactly what ingredients are included.
So I am thinking I’m doing something great for myself. I started researching Mediterranean diet (for real, not the Americanized version) and learned juice is not part of that cuisine. Other than olive oil, which is the juice from olives. But this discussion is for another time.
If you are willing to take the time and you enjoy juice, I recommend making the juice yourself. Less sugar, no additives, and big flavors. Cheers!
For the most part I have been reading fiction, but recently I was intrigued to learn of the book, The DOSE Effect by TJ Power. The DOSE Effect provides a practical approach to learning about the four major brain chemicals that affect our daily living.: Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. If you are interested in the science of how these chemicals that we hear about frequently affect our lives and how we can harness the benefits of these chemicals, this is the book for you. Written in an easy-to-read and understandable format, The DOSE Effect is surprisingly enjoyable.
TJ Power is a neuroscientist who lectures and trains individuals and organizations on mental health issues. He has conducted extensive research focused on brain chemicals. He has the ability to share this information in a relatable and usable manner.
I first learned of TJ Power when I heard him speak at a virtual conference which was attended by more than 10,000 people. [That alone was amazing to me.] Mr. Power is half my age and teaching me through his book how the brain reacts to the rise and fall of these four primary chemicals. Of course most of us senior citizens have heard of these chemicals, yet TJ Power presents them in a fun and practical manner.
Admittedly, it was an adjustment reading this book due to the format and writing style. Yet as I progressed through the book, I discovered the information was easy to “take in.” Some examples Power first uses will likely appeal to a younger audience. I pondered ways I could translate the science and strategies he shared into meaningful exercises for a 70-something reader. Focusing more on the science, which he describes in common terms, I enjoyed learning how I might use the chemicals in my brain more effectively.
Dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical that relates to motivation. It makes hard work feel good and controls the pleasure-pain balance. The main causes of low dopamine are sugar; alcohol, drugs, and smoking/vaping; pornography; social media; gambling; and online shopping. With low levels of dopamine one feels demotivated, distracted, and depressed. The opposite is true of high levels which make us motivated, determined, and excited. One can boost his/her level of dopamine by entering flow state (concentration), discipline, phone fasting, utilizing cold water, and identifying and following one’s own pursuits. Basically, an individual is in control of his/her own motivation.
Oxytocin. Oxytocin is increased with good-quality, in-person social connection along with positive, grateful, internal self-talk. When oxytocin levels are low one may experience loneliness and isolation. One will lack self-confidence. Basically, relationships with oneself and with others are required to increase oxytocin in our brains. We can boost our oxytocin by touch (hug someone!), gratitude (what are you thankful for today?), a social life and contributing (volunteerism and putting others ahead of self whether helping friends and family, performing high-quality work or creating a team environment, engaging in charitable work, or simply smiling at a stranger). We can promote our oxytocin by getting off our phones, listening actively to others, sharing compliments, make eye contact and physical contact, and asking good questions that show others you are interested. Remember to celebrate yourself, even if you are achieving through “baby steps.”
Serotonin. Serotonin is a chemical not only in the brain. Ninety percent of serotonin is created in your gut. Remember the “you are what you eat” adage? Gut health is a vital component of high serotonin levels. Serotonin affects mood and energy. If you are anxious and tired, your serotonin may be low. Serotonin can be boosted by time spent in nature, soaking up the sun, taking care of your gut health, getting plenty of quality sleep, and learning underthinking. Many of us tend to over think – going first to the “worst-case scenario” and believing that helps make the reality easier to take. To combat this, breathing exercises will help slow your heart rate and focus your thoughts. Deep sleep also increases serotonin while impacting memory, attention span, learning efficiency, emotional processing, and even metabolism.
Endorphins. Endorphins are released as we engage in physical exertion. They naturally de-stress the brain and body. Being sedentary, chronically stressed, and lacking joy cause low endorphins. We all know about the value of exercise and movement. And we are beginning to become more aware of the value of laughter. These increase endorphins along with heat, music and stretching. Soaking in a tub of warm water at the end of a stressful day while listening to soothing music is a great way to allow endorphins to flow.
These four brain chemicals can be increased and utilized for improved health and happiness. TJ Power has presented the science of our brain chemicals in fun and practical terms. Even we “old timers” can modify our behavior in simple ways to improve or brain function – at least using dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins.
When I was a girl at home, my mother and I would make May Day baskets. We would fold construction paper into cones and glue or staple them to retain their shape. Then we would affix paper handles. Sometimes we would draw pictures or write words on the “baskets”.
Once we had made enough for mom’s friends and local family members, we would pick flowers and greenery from the yard, trim it to size, and stuff the baskets full of flora and fauna.
It was always exciting to create these lovingly made baskets, but the real intrigue was when we would drive to someone’s house just outside of view from the front, sneak up to the front door, and hang a basket on the doorknob before ringing the doorbell and running back to the car.
I remember one time I left one on the door of a friend whose mother I knew would be home. My friend’s father was a very stern disciplinarian and although he was considered a leader in our hometown community, I thought of him as mean and possibly dangerous. In reality, he probably was a normal man-of-the-house, but he lacked the love and empathy I saw in my own father. I thought the May Day basket would be a blessing to my friend. Her mother remembered that one gesture for years and commented to my mother well after I grew up and left home.
Historically, May Day has various memories. Considered a pagan holiday by some, it was a celebration of Beltane – honoring the return of spring, rebirth of fertility and life – as it falls halfway between the Spring equinox and summer solstice. In some traditions, washing one’s face with the morning dew on May 1 would bring beautiful skin and good luck. In Hawaii, the date is known as Lei Day in which they celebrate the aloha spirit and the giving of the flower. My mother recalled dancing around a May pole at her Catholic girls’ school.
May Day also is associated with the Haymarket affair of 1886 in which worker’s went on strike in an attempt to demand an eight-hour workday. May 1st was designated as International Worker’s Day and is celebrated in approximately 160 countries around the globe. The United States does not celebrate International Workers’ Day on May 1, as we have Labor Day later in the year.
Mayday is also an internationally recognized distress term that is used by pilots and maritime vessels to request emergency assistance. The term was coined in 1920 by Frederick Stanley Mockford, a radio officer at Crydon Airport in London. Mayday is the phonetic equivalent of the French phrase m’aider, which means help me.
For me, May Day is simply a nod to the flowers beginning to peak through the defrosting ground, welcoming the sun and brightening our days. It is a day full of happy memories from childhood. Thus, dear readers, I send you virtual baskets of flowers on your electronic doorstep and wish you a lovely spring day.
Typically as the new year begins our thoughts turn to our health. We resolve to eat right, exercise, read, and who knows what else? And for some of us, we actually follow through. Here we are at the beginning of the second quarter of 2025. How are we doing with our health goals?
Mary Ann mentioned once that her social life is attending doctors’ appointments, physical therapy, and wellness visits. I am now experiencing the same. Physical therapy twice a week and then every day at home. Blood tests for triglycerides and cholesterol and all the vitamins that should be floating through our bodies. Riding the stationary bike and taking walks. Meeting with a dietician. Things we should have been doing all along now seem to be higher priority.
Younger people get it. The Gen X-ers and younger are almost obsessed with exercise. Eating properly is important too, but doing so means driving by, not through, the fast-food restaurants.
I pondered the approach. Is it because we are getting older? Possibly. Yet I believe it is partially because now I have time to focus on me. Being a professional and then a caregiver for so many years, I failed to take time to listen to my own body. All of the sudden I found myself somewhat alone and my body called out to me.
My philosophy includes the belief that our bodies will tell us exactly what they need. We simply need to listen. Much as we need to listen actively when others speak, we need to hear what our body has to tell us. It is wise.
Honestly, I feel better – energized – when I work out. Granted my workouts are not very strenuous, yet simply running through my lower back and upper body exercises takes about an hour out of my morning. Then, a twenty-minute walk around the neighborhood and I am set for the day. Once I developed a little routine, it became second nature. Knowing I would feel so good upon completion, encourages me to keep moving.
Exercise is good not only for the physical body but also for the mind and spirit. Body, mind, and spirit are connected, without a doubt. Our intricate system is an integration of seemingly disparate components. Yet all together, it embodies our presence. Thus, we need to take care of ourselves.
Someone once told me, to take care of others, we need to – no we must – take care of ourselves first. I have always known that intellectually. In fact, I have even suggested this to friends and co-workers. Only now am I internalizing this reality for myself. Now it is time to take care of me.
Silver Sage Sisters 