One of my acquaintances recently had shoulder replacement surgery. I was among several friends who gladly provided meals for her and her husband. I knew how helpful a few prepared, home-cooked meals would be.
I was reminded of the time several years ago when I had a bone removed from my wrist and a plate installed to keep my hand from flopping around. The visual is comical; the surgery was not.
When I am not feeling well, I just want to sleep – uninterrupted. So I told my friends I did not need anything from them. Even my mother came to stay. I asked her not to keep coming into my room to “check on me.” It was disconcerting trying to sleep, knowing someone was watching every few minutes. (Several years later, my mother still complains that I didn’t want her help. I had hurt her feelings, unintentionally.)
A couple of weeks into recovery my arm was still puffed up like a balloon and I was in major pain. I did not want to take pain pills that make one’s mind do weird things while I was alone. My cousin came with food she had picked up from Whole Foods. Several different and yummy dishes. She opened the containers and lightly put the lids over the top, as I had no use of my hand. She saved me! From that moment on, I realized how important it is to let people help me.
I like helping others. When they don’t accept my help, it takes away my joy. With that in mind, I learned when people offer to help it is because they want to help; not because they feel obligated. Being a gracious recipient is harder for many women than being a gracious provider. We need to remember to accept help as readily as we offer to give.
Silver Sage Sisters 