Cynthia
An imperative to providing the right level of care for one’s loved one – mom, in this case – is to understand where she is and what drives her. At times I want to blurt “it’s not always about you,” but in reality, it is. It is always about the person for whom you are caring.
My mother has always been a narcissistic extrovert. She loves being the center of attention wherever she goes. And she always wants to go. Yet as her ailment progresses, she finds it more and more difficult to do and to enjoy the things she loves.
We were invited to my aunt’s home for lunch. Prior to leaving I had a webinar. I ensured mom was completely dressed and ready to go, except for putting on shoes. We wait until the last minute to put on shoes as her feet swell. I reminded her to keep her feet up in her recliner and I would help her put on her shoes just prior to leaving.
After the webinar I went to help her. She was completely worn out … from attempting to put on socks and her shoes. Finally, she got her shoes on without socks. She was so tired she wasn’t certain she would make it to the car. Still, she wanted to go. So we went.
We had a lovely lunch at my aunt’s. I signaled to my aunt that I needed to take mom home, but my aunt had made a beautiful coconut cream pie and insisted we have dessert before we leave. Mom graciously ate the dessert. Then we hurried off, expressing our apologies.
Once home, mom immediately plopped into her chair, barely able to move. She caught her breath and said, “I just get too tired. I want to go, but it makes me exhausted.” After helping her into bed, I pondered, “how could I have made this easier for her?”
The answer. I cannot. The best I can do is allow her to operate at her own pace.
Silver Sage Sisters 