Author: sssmahh303

Invisible 

by sssmahh303, posted in Taking Care of Business

Mary Ann

Most women at one point or another in their lives become invisible.  As we age, we begin to fade, not just our looks, but who we are.  At times it feels like we have disappeared.  It may be at a meeting when your suggestion is just ignored and then the idea becomes one of the other men’s ideas a day later, or a man is given a position even though the woman was more qualified.  You see it, and you feel it.  It is not your imagination.  

This became apparently clear to me while I was working in NYC.  I was in Starbucks in a long line awaiting to place my Chai Latte order.  As we moved forward, I noticed a very pretty, young lady behind me. The line moved, and I was up next. The male barista didn’t take my order.  He completely ignored me and began to take the pretty girl’s order who was behind me.  I stood there with my mouth opened – in shock – and finally said, “I was next.  She is pretty, but I was next.”  He then took my order without an apology.  He did not see me!  I realized at that moment that I was experiencing what many women have experienced – invisibility! 

Every person, man or woman, should be treated with respect.  As we get older, we should be honored as the elders in the society.  However, we are not.  No wonder women chase the fountain of youth. Have you ever seen those postings on phone news where they show a picture of a former famous actress as an old lady.  Most recently it was Cybil Shepherd. Really, her only fault is she just grew old.  We all do.  However, is it necessary to stalk these older women to get those pictures?  It is done with men as well, but women dominate these pictures. It is sad.

Caroline Criado Perez’s book, Invisible Women, explores the data bias in a world designed for men.  She is British but uses data from all around the world.  Whether it is medical research or the workplace or even transportation, the male perspective is the default in a world that is 50% women.  In many ways you are invisible just for being a woman, and it intensifies as you age.  Invisible Women is academically based, but it is quite readable.  You will identify with much of the book should you want to explore this topic even further. 

 A lot must change for there to be equality, and this won’t suddenly happen. I once read in USA Today that it would take 1000 years for the world to be equal for both men and women.  There would be equal numbers of women and men in Congress or half of the CEO would be women and the like.  It is getting better, but it is at a snail’s pace.  When that happens, women may no longer be invisible.  However, a thousand years is a long time to become visible, and we have no choice but to move forward.  

Problems vs Inconveniences 

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann 

One of my favorite sayings is “As Thy Day so Shall Thy Strength Be.”  It is a Bible verse from Deuteronomy (33:25) that I recently discovered the origin.  I should have known with the Thys and the Shall.  It has gotten me through some really challenging times.  It is like the quote, “God only gives you what you can handle.”  Life is hard, and there are always going to be tough times.  

However, everything in our lives that challenges us is not always a problem.  For the most part it is an inconvenience, not a real problem.  Real problems are like the wildfires in Los Angeles or a cancer diagnosis or a loss of a job – how are you going to pay the bills? These are real problems, real worries. 

Often, we call the daily inconveniences that we face, problems.  Traffic jams, phone calls that should be one yes or no answer that take 10 steps to get to it, the wrong order at McDonalds, and on and on.  There is a big difference between a rainy day and a hurricane.

I try to remember the difference as I go about my life.  In the past, no matter what the problem or inconvenience was in my life, my father would always say,” it is all going to be okay, and it was.  I always felt better when he said those words to me, a healing balm. 

I was recently watching Shrinking on Apple TV+.  It was episode 4 of Season 2. The show was centering on problems of the various characters.  Near the end, neighbors Derek and Liz were sitting on the patio with the other cast members.  They were talking about the very comment that my father would make.  Liz asked Derek to do The Special for Brian.  Derek sat down and told Brian to look into his eyes and then Derek said, “Whatever it is, everything is going to be okay.”  There were a few tears.  There is magic in those words just as they had been for me when my father said them to me.  I guess there are many fathers who say that to their family members. 

I try to say those words to my children, but I somehow do not have the gravitas that my father’s words held.  Maybe they mean more than I realize.  Maybe they won’t mean as much until I am gone.  Then they will have to pass it on to their friends, children, or other relatives. 

There is a magnet, card, and a pin by Quotable Magnets that says, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it is not the end.” – Unknown.  Maybe we need to all put that on the refrigerator to remind us that most problems will be resolved, and most are just inconveniences.  

Travel Buds

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann 

Have you ever taken a group tour for a travel adventure with companies like Viking or Smartours?  You are with around 30 people, and often you click with some of the people you meet. For the duration of the trip, you become fast friends, and at the end of the journey, you exchange addresses and contact info to keep in touch.  Time passes, and you are lucky if you get a Christmas card.   Occasionally, however, magic happens, and the friendships take root on the trip and blossom in the coming years!  

I have been blessed twice with such friendships.  On a trip to Africa, I found one of my best friends, and we have taken several trips together and have enjoyed NYC when I lived there – she is a New Yorker.  We are very compatible travel buds, and laughter comes easily to us. What a blessing!  

On another trip in 2012 to Costa Rica, I met a group of people who were from New York City and New Jersey.  There were 7 of us (two couples and three singles) who have kept in touch meeting several times a year to dine and do local adventures.  We explored Greenwich Village with the New Yorkers leading the tours and walked the Brooklyn Bridge and toured the Dumbo area of Brooklyn.  We did a day exploring an outdoor sculpture garden and have attended plays. When we are together, it is non-stop talking, and everyone gets along so well. We call ourselves The Costa Rica Gang. 

Sometimes we do major trips together.  Several of us went on tours to Morocco and Egypt. Other members of the gang have taken smaller trips together or meet up for dinner in New York in small groups.  My African bestie has joined our group several times and is often part of the adventures.

I have used the word together in most of the sentences in this blog.  It is the word that best describes us.  The Costa Rica Gang is the kindest and most adventurous group of people I know.  We are in regular contact sharing our life experiences.  There have been medical challenges, and we have supported each other through them.  I know if I needed help, these people would be there for me.  I would be there for them.  

How did I get so lucky to have been blessed with these people in my life?  I am richer for knowing them. I cannot say enough good about them. I hope they see this blog as a love letter to them.  I look forward to our future adventures – together! 

Note: 

If you meet people on a trip and you can see a lasting friendship, try to really stay in touch.  You must reach out to them and make some plans.  Great Travel Buds are priceless. Remember those friendship can grow and be a meaningful part of your life. You will never regret the effort. 

I Am Old but Not Dead

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

The Court of Thorns and Roses

Mary Ann 

At the end of each year, the powers that be make lists of the best – Movies, TV Shows, Books, and the like.  I always take screen shots or make list of the books that I would like to read. I am either going to make another pile of yet-to-read books or add them to my Kindle.

 At the end of 2023, a book kept appearing on various lists, The Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas.  The synopsis always proclaimed it was about a fantasyland where humans and magical, immortal fairies live. It was filled with romance and adventure.  So as the winter of 2024 was approaching, I thought this was a good time to escape.  I loaded up the Kindle and began to read the first story in the series.  I was enchanted, reading all 5 books that took me many, many hours and thousands of pages to finish.  

The story takes place on the island continent of Prythian where seven kingdoms are ruled by High Fae Lords. The rulers have exceptional magical powers such as transformation from human to animal or winnowing that is like “Beam me up, Scottie “from Star Trek, or flying. The 5 volumes center around three human sisters Feyre, Elain, and Nesta Archeron and a cast of gorgeous, hunky fairies – Rhysand, Cassian, Tamlin, Azriel, and Lucien.  The women are all beautiful, brave, and powerful – no shrinking violets here.  The men are unearthly handsome and mighty warriors. If you combined Lord of the Rings and Bridgerton, you would have The Court of Thorns and Roses – lots of battles, monsters, male and female heroes, and lots of descriptive, lusty, lovemaking.  

If I were reading any of the books in the series, and I were riding the NYC subways, I would have missed my stop repeatedly.  The stories are so absorbing and so passionate that I was blushing in my living room as I read along.  There is passion in every part of the stories, so it was appropriate that lovemaking would be too.   This is why I entitled this blog – I am old but not dead!  It got my attention!

I am so happy to have found Sarah J. Maas’s books.  She is a masterful storyteller and has help to create the literary genre, Romantasy – a little bit of romance and a little bit of fantasy.  Maas describes people and places in incredible detail so you can envision her imaginary world.  She has a bit of Harry Potter in her with creative and clever ideas such as Memory Bottles or mental communication.  She engages the reader from the first page to the very last word on the last page.  Even though it takes a fair of amount of time to read a series, you miss the characters when you finish. Luckily, she has several other series to discover, and a sixth volume forThe Court of Thorns and Roses is on the horizon.  There were questions at the end of book 5 that needed answers, and they are on the way! Thank you, Sarah J. Maas, for sharing your remarkable talent with us.  

Notes:

There were a few things that I did notice that really do not affect the stories in any way but are noticeable. I read the books one after another rather than waiting a year between them so that may be why I did notice.  My friends who have read the stories a year or so apart did not notice

First, the names and places are exotic, and you don’t know how to pronounce them.  How exactly do you pronounce Amarntha or the Prythian?  Is the C a hard or soft C?  Where is the accent?   I give it a shot when I first meet the character and keep calling them whatever I come up with for them.  

Second, for fairies who can heal a broken bone in a few hours, they all have calloused hands.  I know it is because they are welding swords and such, but you would think their hands would heal quickly and be smooth to the touch.  

Third, anytime anyone gets upset, they throw up. Really, this is the go-to!  It got a little funny as I read it each time.  I would have thought some editor would have noticed.  

None of this takes away from the engaging stories.  Enjoy!

The Little Silver Bell

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

My mother loved jewelry.  Anything shiny and sparkly, and it was a special treat when I got to explore her jewelry box.  I would try on the rings and bracelets pretending I was a princess.  However, there was a little silver bell that nestled in one of the compartments on the top tray of the jewelry box.   I was fascinated by that bell.  It had a little goat on one side and some words that I didn’t know, and when you jiggled the bell, it had the sweetest sound like fairies laughing.  

I coveted that bell and would beg my mother for it throughout the years, and she would always say it is not time.  I am sure she knew if she gave it to me when I was too young, I would lose it.  She was much wiser than I.  Years passed and sometime in my 40s she gave me the bell.  I guess it was time.  It was also when I found out the meaning of the bell.

My father had gotten the bell on the Isle of Capri when he was on R and R during WWII.  The little silver bells were made by the monks of St. Michelle and represented good fortune and protection.  Pilots like my father and paratroopers bought them and often pinned them inside their uniforms.  Most of the bells had four leaf clovers (one leaf is for fame, one for wealth, one for a faithful lover, and the fourth for health) or other good luck symbols.  My father’s had a goat on it.  I am sure he picked it because he loved animals and was from a farm family.  Under the goat is the word Capri and on the back is the inscription La Campanella Della Fortuna which means bell of good luck.  

The legend behind the bells is the story of a young, poor shepherd boy who lost his only sheep and followed the sound of a bell to find it. Saint Michael then appeared to the boy at the edge of a cliff saving him from falling, and Saint Michael gave the bell to him for protection. The bells today are a symbol of Capri bringing joy and good fortune, a little bit of heaven, to whoever wears them.  They can also stand for peace.  At the end of World War II, Capris gave a replica of the bells to President Roosevelt, and it exhibited at the Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum in New York.

After I was given the bell, I put it on a chain and wore it often.  It always made my father happy when I did.  He always commented on it.  If I wore it around my grandchildren or my students at school, they would always ask me to bend down so they could ring the bell.  They could hear the fairies laughing.  

When my father passed, I began to wear the bell all the time.  It keeps me close to him.  It brings me peace, joy, and a bit of luck just as St. Michael had wanted. It kept my father safe during WWII.  It is my most valuable piece of jewelry, truly priceless.  And I am thankful that my mother made me wait until it was time for me to appreciate its meaning.  

Birds, Wolves, and Seeds, Oh My!

by sssmahh303, posted in Reviews

Mary Ann

When I bought the book Migration, I thought it was a book about the migration of the Arctic Terns, a nature book.  I like nature books, so I thought it would be right up my alley.  Well, about three pages into the book, I realized this was a fictional story about Arctic Terns and as it turns out, it was just the best mistake! 

Migration by Charlotte McConaghy is an international best-selling book about a young, flawed, and complicated woman named Franny Stone, who follows the migration of the Arctic Tern. It is the longest migration on earth from the Arctic to Antarctica and then back. This may be the last migration on the planet. The Earth is in terrible shape with nearly all animal populations on the verge of extinction.  Franny is on her own type of migration, an internal journey.  She too is on the verge of extinction, and the terns are her lifeline.  Travel with Franny on both of her journeys.  This is one of the few books that at the end of it I cried for pure joy!  Migration is going to be made into a movie. Claire Foy and Benedict Cumberbatch will play the leads. I am excited to see how the book will be adapted to film.

McConaghy’s second book, Once There Were Wolves, is set in the Scottish Highlands and follows scientist Inti Flynn who is trying to reintroduce wolves to Scotland.  Inti loves the wolves and is faced with challenges with the community as she follows her packs making new homes in the wilderness.  It is a story of love, sisterhood, mystery, and nature.  All elements for another best-selling book for McConaghy!  Apple TV+ is doing a limited series on Once There Were Wolves with Elizabeth Olsen as the lead. 

In March, Charlotte McConaghy’s new book, Wild Dark Shore, debuts.  It take place on an island near Antarctica that has the world’s seed bank.  I can’t wait to download it on my Kindle.  McConaghy’s books are full of complex, damaged characters in engaging stories that incorporates nature, wild places, and redemption and hope. She is an adept storyteller weaving character and place into unique stories that stay with you long after you are done reading, and isn’t that what makes a great book? 

Jimmy Carter

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

Today, President Jimmy Carter will be honored with a state funeral in Washington, DC. He was 100 years old, and his passing marks a generational change.  The Greatest Generation is quickly coming to an end.  This group of people lived through the Depression, World War II, and help build American to its current greatness. Their hard work, values, and character shaped the following generations, but when they are gone, there will never be another group of Americans like them.  Jimmy Carter was one of them.  My father was a member as well.  They both were born in 1924. Saying goodbye to President Carter was saying goodbye to my father again.  

Jimmy Carter was known for his integrity and kindness, his principles and good deeds.  He walked his talk, and I have a story about the Carters that illustrates just that.

The summer of 1982 my ex-husband and our family was on route from Charleston, SC to Monterey, CA where he was going to go to The Naval Post Graduate School.  On our way to CA, we stopped in PA to visit family and then planned to take the northern route across the country visiting National Parks and other attractions.  While we were at my parents’ home, our nine-year-old son was playing touch football in the backyard with some older boys.  One of the boys fell into my son’s leg – totally an accident – and both the tibia and fibula were broken requiring surgery.  Well, this changed the logistics of the trip.  Luckily, we had a station wagon so we could make a bed in the back to enable our son to make the trip.  As we travelled westward, the car broke down in Cody, WY.  As the car was repaired, we had to entertain our two children, so we ended up at the Buffalo Bill Museum.  It is a beautiful museum of the Old West.

This is where the story begins.  As we wheeled my son around the museum in a wheelchair, we noticed a group of people at the end of one of the hallways.  Within moments several people were making a beeline to us.  When the people got to us, we realized it was Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter and some Secret Service guys.  Apparently, they were vacationing at one of the dude ranches that was near Cody.  They came to meet the child in the wheelchair.  They greeted both of my children.  President Carter and my ex-husband began talking about the Navy, graduate school, the Naval Academy (both were alums), and the like.   Mrs. Carter spoke to me about children, broken legs, and Navy life.  She was lovely and gracious. We were in shock that a former president and his wife would speak to us. I didn’t even ask them to sign my son’s cast – a missed piece of history.  They visited with us for 15-20 minutes when they had to leave. 

 I still marvel that they took time to meet the child in the wheelchair and then stayed to speak to all of us. There were no cameras or press around to capture them being just regular people.  What a magic moment for my family.  As the years passed, and the world got to see this kind couple change people’s lives with their good works, I was not surprised.  My family got to see firsthand what they stood for. They were walking their talk, living their values.   

Bibliophile

by sssmahh303, posted in Wellness

Mary Ann

I bet by now you know that I love books.  I am a bibliophile, truly addicted to books.  From an early age, I remember getting a Golden Book when my mother went to the grocery store.  Do you remember reading The Pokey Little Puppy? We had a whole collection by the time I began to read.  

Then you go to school, learn to read, and Scholastic Book Clubs began.  Every month a flier would come full of new books, a reading nirvana!  My father was a high school teacher in the same building that I attended elementary school.  When the flier came, I would race to his room after school to share it with him.  My father would give me $3 or $4 dollars to place an order.  The paperbacks were $.35 or $.50 at the time. The money went a long way, and I could dream, dream, dream about all the books I would read.  I remember that Pippi Longstocking was a favorite.  Didn’t we all want to be Pippi? 

When I got older, I could take the bus to our little town and get my library card.  That card opened the world for me.  I discovered Victoria Holt and Daphne du Maurier. Those books had a hint of romance that was just right for a young teen.  Then a bookstore opened in the town, and as soon as I was old enough to work, I applied for a job.  I worked there during my high school and college years often spending more on books than I made. 

On my 21st birthday, my parents gave me all the hard-bound books that Victoria Holt at written at the time.  It was one of the most special gifts I ever received.  It began my book collecting.  I then needed a bookshelf, so I made one of cinderblocks and wooden boards.  Did you make such a bookshelf?   My ex-husband and children gave me the remainder of the Holt books, so I have the whole collection. 

As the years passed, I collected and read so many books.  Around my house I stack cairns of unread books.  There is a word for that – Tsundoku which is Japanese for the stack of books you’ve purchased but haven’t yet read.  If there is a word for it, I feel there are many fellow book hoarders out there besides me.  When I do go to a bookstore, I am enchanted, under a spell, and always leave with a bag of books that I add to the ever-growing piles.

Even with Kindles and Nooks – I have both — your library grows.  I read current fiction and non-fiction on them.  It has cut down on the number of physical books, but still the number of digital books grows.  I do love the feel of a real book in my hands, even the smell of it, but Kindle makes life easier with traveling whether on a subway or a major trip.  I do need to join the library to use their digital books or Libby to save money.  I hear that zlibrary is an excellent app for free books– I need to check it out.  You should too.

I have moved several times, and each time I do, I give boxes of books away to friends or the library.  I just gave 75 books to local thrift shop.  It’s not like I don’t try to get a handle on my passion for books.  I have found homes for all my schoolbooks – that was 40 years of books.   At least someone else can use them, and the books will help children.  

When I look back on my life, I sometimes think that if I had all the money back that I have spent on books, that maybe I wouldn’t have needed to save for retirement.  However, I really do not regret a penny that I have spent on my love of books.  They are my dear friends.  It has always brought me great joy!  Though, I am toying with the idea of working in a bookstore again…. 

The 12 Days of Christmas

by sssmahh303, posted in Friends and Family

Mary Ann

The 12 Days of Christmas starts on Christmas Day and ends on January 5th, the day before Epiphany. In our family, my grandson’s birthday is January 5th. I decided that I was going to celebrate these 12 days in a special way for my grandchildren.  I wasn’t going to get them calling birds or a partridge in a pear tree or leaping lords.  I was going to do something unique for them starting on Christmas and ending with my grandson’s birthday.  

The first year, I went overboard and bought expensive gifts as all grandparents do.  I wrapped them all up and presented the grandchildren a box of 12 gifts each, and this was after opening all their Christmas presents. The whole idea was that they would open one gift a day until my grandson’s birthday thus celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas.  

As all children would do, they opened all the gifts at once.  My bad.  Their parents weren’t happy that I added more stuff to already too much stuff from Christmas.  My bad!  The concept was good, the execution was not.  I was going to have to rethink the whole idea.  

So, the following Christmas I got sets of 12 mini stockings that were about 4 inches tall for each grandchild and paired down the gifts to things that would fit in the little stockings.  I got the stockings at Big Lots, but Amazon, of course, offers a variety of stocking sizes and prices. I filled them with candy, a match box car, a small game, a bookmarker, money, lip gloss, and whatever action figure was the “it” toy that year.  I put the little stockings in a holiday bag and told the grandchildren that they could only open one stocking a day.  Part of the fun was reaching in the bag to pick a random stocking.  The toy or whatever occupied them for the day for the most part.  I collected the stocking after the 12 days finished to use them again the next year. And so, the tradition began.

When I suggested that I was going to stop the stockings since they were now older, there was a rebellion.  They didn’t want to stop. When they got older, I got them gift cards for iTunes or stores, movies passes, jewelry, makeup and hair adornments, and on and on.  It was good to see them still excited about Christmas and that the 12 Days of Christmas was our unique family tradition.

It was always fun for me to “shop” all year for the stockings.  I was always searching for something special for the grandchildren.  I hope this tradition will be a nice Christmas memory for them, and maybe they will do this for their children and grandchildren.  This can be a special tradition to adopt for any family. It is a fun way to celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas!  

The Nest

by sssmahh303, posted in Lifestyle

Mary Ann

People over the centuries have named their homes.  There is Mt. Vernon or Monticello. Palaces and estates have names like Buckingham and Versailles.  We want to make our homes unique so giving them names make our domiciles very special.  It may be a way for the rich and famous to keep their different homes straight in their minds. 

I have given my townhouse a special name, but in truth the house named itself. When I bought my townhouse, the former owner had a wreath on the front door.  At closing, I got my keys and was so excited to be going home!  Well, I got there, and a house finch had set up housekeeping in the wreath.  We could not use the front door until mama bird fledged her babies.  For six weeks we used the garage to enter the house.  Finally, a For Rent sign appeared on the nest, and we could use the front door. 

For the next 18 months, the house was renovated and shortly afterward, I retired and moved my life to the new house.  My apartment furnishings arrived shortly after my final day at work, and when the movers were moving me in, one of them said, “You have a friend.”  We went outside and right near the front door a female mallard had built a nest in the middle of the pachysandra.  I am sure mama duck thought she had found a quiet place to raise her family.  No one was living in the house.  My townhouse is across the street from a pond.  It was location, location, location. The duck real estate agent did a bait and switch not revealing to Mama Duck that she had a human neighbor.  So once again we avoided using the first door.  However, you could look at her as she was incubating her eggs.  She was so still that I am sure she didn’t think we could see her. 

Fast forward, mama duck did her duty until one day about a month later, the ducklings hatched.  This little brood of ducks moved in a tight formation together around my front porch and driveway.  Mama duck was nowhere to be found.  I called the wildlife center to see if mother ducks left their babies alone.  They told me that they never leave their babies, and that I needed to bring them in for care.   Something happened to mama duck.  I gave it until the next morning in case their mama did come back. 

My nine baby duck guests were still huddled together on the porch the next morning.  My brother and I began catching them and putting them in a box to take them to the wildlife center. Baby ducks are so soft and so cute.  I put a pan of water in the box.  By the time we got to the center, the babies were all in the water.  They just knew what to do.

At the wildlife center, the ducklings were given a chance to safely grow up.  I was given a code to call and check on their progress.  All nine babies made it to adulthood and were released.  In the wild, it would be good if half of them made it.  Mama duck was a good mother and probably gave her life to save her babies.  We got them to the right people so they could grow up.  I did keep the broken light green eggs in a jar, and they are on my shelf of nature artifacts. Sweet reminder!

Since then, I have had nests in planters and gutters and nearby trees.  I am sure you know what I named my house – The Nest!  You probably knew from the title of the blog.   I look forward to seeing where the next nest will appear and am thankful Mother Nature has trusted me enough for birds to make their home at my home.