Winter

Mary Ann

If you divide your life up into seasons, you are in the winter of your life after the age of 70.  Each season has its bearuty and its own challenges.  Who wants to go through puberty again or menopause?  Once is enough!  However, if you live long enough, you will pass through all the seasons and will arrive in Winter where you will have lived more years than you will live in the future. It is a rather jarring fact.  

Erik Erikson developed a psychosocial theory in the late 20^th century that identified eight stages that a healthy individual passes through from infancy to late adulthood (65 years until death).  In each stage there are two conflcting traits that can be developed such as trust vs. mistrust in infancy or generativity vs. stagnation in middle age.  Living through the conflict is what helps individual develop competency, and a virtue is gained from the experience. 

When you are in the Winter of your life, you are in the final stage of integrity vs. despair.  It is a time when individual reflect on their lives with a sense of acceptance and fulfillment or face feelings of regret and despair.   During this reflective time of life, older individuals gain wisdom as the ultimate virtue of their lifetime.  Just Goggle Erikson to learn more about theses developmental stages.

I must say that this ending stage of life has been a real challenge for me.  When I look back on my life, I am satisfied for the most part about my contributions to the world.  I have helped lots of children, parents, and teachers over my 40 years in education.  I raised two children mostly by myself who are kind and good people for the world.   I used my creativity to make beauty in world. I have tried to be kind to everyone I encountered.  I have peace with all of this. 

What has caused me regret and despair has been actual retirement.  When I retired, I faced several big life challenges all in a matter of months.  I retired, I moved, my beloved Father died, and then Covid hit.  During Covid, I develop a drop foot which gave me mobility problems, and basically, I couldn’t seek medical help until after the pandemic. 

My plans for retirement were halted and had to be changed.  I wasn’t going to be able to travel or join a hiking club or take tap dancing lessons, and pickleball looked like a lot of fun. I was and have been in despair regarding all of this.  I think God was teaching me a lesson with my hubris about how my retirement would look. 

In an earlier blog, I shared with you the lessons learned from the nonfiction book club that my friend, Lisa and I have participated in for the last 5 years.  The basic premise for most of the books is accept and adapt.  I think I have been dealing with acceptance going through the various stages of grief and loss and not putting as much emphasis on adapt.  I knew this in my head, but not in my heart.  I needed time to grieve my loss. I am now trying to work hard on adapting and making the necessary adjustments to give me a life that I want.

After the age of 70, medical challenges begin to appear.  You must deal with them; you have no choice.  I have done a lot of physical therapy and acupuncture.  It is not curing me, but it is keeping me going.  I try new treatments.  For the most part, I must exercise in some way every day.  

Lisa and I are currently reading an excellent book about the second half of life called Joyspan, The Art and Science of Thriving in Life’s Second Half by Kerry Burnight that address many issues of elderhood.  Burnight is trained in geriatrics.  Her key points are to grow, adapt, connect, and give.  Adapting was my weakest point, Burnight gives great suggestions how to work through the various tenants.  Little questionnaires help you pinpoint where you might need to focus your attention.  My attention is on how to adapt my life to be able to live life like I wanted.  Maybe not as I have imagined but still a possibility.  I needed to take a leap of faith.  It is a change in attitude which I control.  I still get discouraged, but I recover much quicker, and then I problem solve how I might meet the challenge.  I need to plan more.  I need to ask for help when I need it.  Secretly, I still hope for a miracle, but I am learning to appreciate what I can do and not regret what I can’t.  

I am right in the middle of Winter.  I love the crisp, clean smell of falling snow so I am trying to enjoy the beauty of this season of life.  It is a slowing down of time.  I am putting energy into me that I was not able to in other seasons. That is a good thing.  I would not have been able to go to doctor’s appointments and treatments in other seasons, so I guess it is good we get these challenges when we age.  Being in winter is getting me ready for the final goodbye, and I am hoping it will be a transition into another spring, an eternal spring with adventures yet to begin.